Sailing Away
A Villanelle for kids20 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You made me smile as the sacks are filled with bread and cheese! Ha ha ha, and sails trimmed to catch the breeze, a sweet natured children's poem, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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You made me smile as the sacks are filled with bread and cheese! Ha ha ha, and sails trimmed to catch the breeze, a sweet natured children's poem, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much.Thak
Comment from nancy_e_davis
A Villanelle. Well done, Yvonne. Both your meter and rhyme are well done with a story line that will please young children and give them Ideas for a happy playtime. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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A Villanelle. Well done, Yvonne. Both your meter and rhyme are well done with a story line that will please young children and give them Ideas for a happy playtime. Nancy:)
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you. I hope so.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-What a neat idea.
-Great artwork and
nice presentation.
-Effective imagery, rhyme,
and repeating lines.
-A good story, too.
-I think kids would love this,
imagining they were sailing
the seas with their own crew
and having tasty "bread and cheese"
"like sailors did of yore."
-I love the ending, too!
-Very well done.
-Did you mean 'sails be trimmed'
or 'sails are trimmed'?
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
|
-What a neat idea.
-Great artwork and
nice presentation.
-Effective imagery, rhyme,
and repeating lines.
-A good story, too.
-I think kids would love this,
imagining they were sailing
the seas with their own crew
and having tasty "bread and cheese"
"like sailors did of yore."
-I love the ending, too!
-Very well done.
-Did you mean 'sails be trimmed'
or 'sails are trimmed'?
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I mean "be" trimmed. Thanks for reviewing.
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You are welcome, and thanks for answering.
Comment from robyn corum
Yvonne,
What a cute children's poem! I think all kids have to play at pirates at some point, right? It's just so classic! Your villanelle sums up lots of those great highlights, too! The progression is fun and I love the part about Mom calling. That's the only bad part to the day. hahahaha Thanks!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Yvonne,
What a cute children's poem! I think all kids have to play at pirates at some point, right? It's just so classic! Your villanelle sums up lots of those great highlights, too! The progression is fun and I love the part about Mom calling. That's the only bad part to the day. hahahaha Thanks!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you like it.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your villanelle is awesome, Yvonne. I enjoyed reading it. I know young kids would love reading this, and many could identify with it. You did an excellent job with the complex style. Your rhymes work well, there's good flow, and the details create great imagery. I could see everything as I read. The image is perfect, too. Even when kids are playing, they are attune to mom.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Your villanelle is awesome, Yvonne. I enjoyed reading it. I know young kids would love reading this, and many could identify with it. You did an excellent job with the complex style. Your rhymes work well, there's good flow, and the details create great imagery. I could see everything as I read. The image is perfect, too. Even when kids are playing, they are attune to mom.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Anne Johnston
I like what you have none in this poem. It has great rhyming and is a delight to read. Children have such great imagination and can travel far in their play, but when mother calls, they come back to earth and head home.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I like what you have none in this poem. It has great rhyming and is a delight to read. Children have such great imagination and can travel far in their play, but when mother calls, they come back to earth and head home.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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They certainly do. I remember those days with my sons very well. Thanks, Anne.
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You are welcome
Comment from karenina
A perfect Villanelle as child friendly as can be! The repeating lines serve to "anchor" the theme and I imagine children loving the musicality of the meter and rhyme!
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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A perfect Villanelle as child friendly as can be! The repeating lines serve to "anchor" the theme and I imagine children loving the musicality of the meter and rhyme!
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much.
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:)
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Welcome! :)
Karenina
Comment from aryr
I really enjoyed this Villanelle, damommy. I loved the picture you chose, it definitely set the mood for reading. Your words captured the events of the adventure and spelled each of them out. I could imagine myself in my younger years, lol, having such an adventure. Hey, girls can be pirates and sailors too! Very well done, very much enjoyed.
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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I really enjoyed this Villanelle, damommy. I loved the picture you chose, it definitely set the mood for reading. Your words captured the events of the adventure and spelled each of them out. I could imagine myself in my younger years, lol, having such an adventure. Hey, girls can be pirates and sailors too! Very well done, very much enjoyed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Girls can be pirates, absolutely. Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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LOL, you are most welcome, damommy.
Comment from Sally Law
The image alluded to what was coming. A child's imagination is a wondrous thing and usually entertained me. I could play for hours and hours in my room lost in the otherworld. Sending you my best today as always for this marvelous offering,
Sal XOs...
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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The image alluded to what was coming. A child's imagination is a wondrous thing and usually entertained me. I could play for hours and hours in my room lost in the otherworld. Sending you my best today as always for this marvelous offering,
Sal XOs...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I still can entertain myself very well. Thanks, Sally.
Comment from Pantygynt
I see nothing wrong in using a form as difficult as the villanelle with young children, provided you keep the content within the bounds of their experience and interests as you have done here with is one.
If I were still teaching 10 and 11 year olds I would love to use this as an introduction to formal poetry. One of the first questions a teacher gets when teaching poetry is 'Does it have to rhyme?' Now kids love listening to rhyme but hate having to rhyme themselves. This is because the are not confident with the size of their vocabulary and they become frustrated trying to find rhymes for the things they want to say.
With a villanelle we are only dealing with two rhyming sounds so they can use the rhyming dictionary to find two rhyme rich sounds and start from there.
This would make a splendid example to kick off with. It almost makes me want to go back into the classroom.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I see nothing wrong in using a form as difficult as the villanelle with young children, provided you keep the content within the bounds of their experience and interests as you have done here with is one.
If I were still teaching 10 and 11 year olds I would love to use this as an introduction to formal poetry. One of the first questions a teacher gets when teaching poetry is 'Does it have to rhyme?' Now kids love listening to rhyme but hate having to rhyme themselves. This is because the are not confident with the size of their vocabulary and they become frustrated trying to find rhymes for the things they want to say.
With a villanelle we are only dealing with two rhyming sounds so they can use the rhyming dictionary to find two rhyme rich sounds and start from there.
This would make a splendid example to kick off with. It almost makes me want to go back into the classroom.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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What a compliment. Feel free to use it any way you see fit. I haven't done of one these in a long time, and of course, you know how I love little pirates. Thank you for a truly awesome review.
