Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 29"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Mason is....incorrigible. What a set of...well, you know, to just ride on up and have a face to face with Liz! He's all wet, okay--and it's not the rain that's causing it! Allie again came to the timely rescue when Mason was pitching an interest in buying the property. Another shipment going "out?"--and now Mason Caldwell is hitching a ride? Can't imagine that will end well! I'm thinking it's not WINE in the back of that vehicle...
Again, thanks for including Hank and Emmy's reunion. Not only is it refreshing, but their conversation serves to reveal the broader perspective of Hank's thinking and the goings on.
I'm anxious. I want Faith to have time with her twin sister!
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Mason is....incorrigible. What a set of...well, you know, to just ride on up and have a face to face with Liz! He's all wet, okay--and it's not the rain that's causing it! Allie again came to the timely rescue when Mason was pitching an interest in buying the property. Another shipment going "out?"--and now Mason Caldwell is hitching a ride? Can't imagine that will end well! I'm thinking it's not WINE in the back of that vehicle...
Again, thanks for including Hank and Emmy's reunion. Not only is it refreshing, but their conversation serves to reveal the broader perspective of Hank's thinking and the goings on.
I'm anxious. I want Faith to have time with her twin sister!
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Yes, Mason believes he can do whatever he pleases and if someone doesn't like it...well, it has ways with that as well.
since you are past the parts of the unknown...I can say it's people smuggling to the church.... where they put the drugs in the false bottom of the barrels...and then take the empty barrels to the winery where they are filled with wine and sent for shipment. Then when the people do their job they are shipped away as well. Let me know if you figured all that out while you were reading or if any of it was never clear.
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It is what I put together slowly as I read and doubled back to remind myself where I left off... No, It's clear.... I just needed to digest it all!
Karenina
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Grrr.... I don't like that man. And now I have to watch Miguel, too. Man. So many moving parts! I don't know how you keep up with all of it!! hahaha IF I ever get back to my prose writing (Please, Lord!) you'll probably find it amusing. I almost always have so few characters. Simple brain. Simple story. hahaha
Moving on-
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Carol,
Grrr.... I don't like that man. And now I have to watch Miguel, too. Man. So many moving parts! I don't know how you keep up with all of it!! hahaha IF I ever get back to my prose writing (Please, Lord!) you'll probably find it amusing. I almost always have so few characters. Simple brain. Simple story. hahaha
Moving on-
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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It takes all kinds of writers for the world to enjoy. Me ...I like the ins and outs, the twists and turns...keep you guessing. thank you for all the effort you put behind reading today. The chapter I posted yesterday and the two today are block busters....no peeking ahead. You have a little ways to go. 39 and 40 were today and they have had a great reception. Thank you...smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This chapter started out nice and easy, romantic in its depiction of Hank and his wife Emma's lovely afternoon picnic, plus refuge from the rain. Then it got more ominous, with the appearance of Mason and Miguel. They really are a pair of snakes, but Mason is clearly the bigger of the two, and Miguel notably calls him "boss."
Just a couple of errors and suggestions:
and then pointed toward the furthest hills to the north.
-->
and then pointed toward the farthest hills to the north. ["farthest" refers to actual distance, which applies here]
especially one's with thriving businesses attached.
-->
especially ones with thriving businesses attached.
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"Cabriolet," the model of Hank's car, sounds like a type of wine! I looked up the Mercedes Cabriolet, and it's a smart looking car --- very nice for Hank and Emma.
You were asking, regarding another chapter, about whether the dialogue was too much, in relation to the narrative. I enjoy your dialogue, but I also enjoyed the narrative in this chapter about the vineyard property, as the Armatos sit, overlooking the valley. I don't normally have a lot of patience for too much descriptive narrative, but yours was exactly right.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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This chapter started out nice and easy, romantic in its depiction of Hank and his wife Emma's lovely afternoon picnic, plus refuge from the rain. Then it got more ominous, with the appearance of Mason and Miguel. They really are a pair of snakes, but Mason is clearly the bigger of the two, and Miguel notably calls him "boss."
Just a couple of errors and suggestions:
and then pointed toward the furthest hills to the north.
-->
and then pointed toward the farthest hills to the north. ["farthest" refers to actual distance, which applies here]
especially one's with thriving businesses attached.
-->
especially ones with thriving businesses attached.
***
"Cabriolet," the model of Hank's car, sounds like a type of wine! I looked up the Mercedes Cabriolet, and it's a smart looking car --- very nice for Hank and Emma.
You were asking, regarding another chapter, about whether the dialogue was too much, in relation to the narrative. I enjoy your dialogue, but I also enjoyed the narrative in this chapter about the vineyard property, as the Armatos sit, overlooking the valley. I don't normally have a lot of patience for too much descriptive narrative, but yours was exactly right.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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Bravo! I am glad you like both the dialogue and the narrative. And the car...nice huh? They were detectives for twenty five years and now they have retired (in my last story) so life in good. Hank was bored and became a private detective.
smiles, Carol
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Yes, I sure do. Thanks for the background. I didn't realize that you had characters who carried over from a previous story! Blessings, Mary Kay
Comment from lancellot
A very well written chapter. Good use of dialogue in place of author narration to inform and update the readers. Hank and Emmy were speaking to each but really they were giving us needed information. I felt like a fly on the wall.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
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A very well written chapter. Good use of dialogue in place of author narration to inform and update the readers. Hank and Emmy were speaking to each but really they were giving us needed information. I felt like a fly on the wall.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
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I need my internet to co-operate. I can write on Word but when I get on Fanstory or goggle it keeps kicking me off. So much for country living and storms...I am so far behind!
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I always appreciate your input and suggestions. Glad you enjoyed it!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Emmy and Hank share a few hours as he drives through the valley so Emmy can see its beauty. After a picnic lunch, a sudden storm comes up.
At the ranch, Mason Caldwell mysteriously appears saying he has a flat tire. This is not something anyone wants to even think about, with Cassidy being hidden there. The tension eases when Miguel agrees to give him a ride into town. He has a threatening aura about him.
Ralf
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Emmy and Hank share a few hours as he drives through the valley so Emmy can see its beauty. After a picnic lunch, a sudden storm comes up.
At the ranch, Mason Caldwell mysteriously appears saying he has a flat tire. This is not something anyone wants to even think about, with Cassidy being hidden there. The tension eases when Miguel agrees to give him a ride into town. He has a threatening aura about him.
Ralf
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Mason is never to be trusted...That man's up to something all the time and none of it is good. As for Emmy and Hank... I loved a little down time in the story. Can't all be murders and such.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
I read another one out of order but I don't think it really hurt anything. The thing I wondered about on this chapter was that Hank seemed to know that Mary was the mother of Liz and Faith. I didn't realize that Mary or anyone knew that until she found the letter she had written when she gave the babies away years before in the boxes Hank delivered to the cottage.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I read another one out of order but I don't think it really hurt anything. The thing I wondered about on this chapter was that Hank seemed to know that Mary was the mother of Liz and Faith. I didn't realize that Mary or anyone knew that until she found the letter she had written when she gave the babies away years before in the boxes Hank delivered to the cottage.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Beth,
what shall I do with you...but I might have to go back and clarify about Mary. I may have mixed up my own brain. I was thinking Jack told Hank when he discovered the birth certificate from the lawyers and saw the name...but it might just be in my head and not in the story. Bad me!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am sure Mason's flat tire wasn't anything at all. It's just a ruse to allow him entry to the house. Allie was right not to trust him. I enjoyed reading this post. You did a good job writing it.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I am sure Mason's flat tire wasn't anything at all. It's just a ruse to allow him entry to the house. Allie was right not to trust him. I enjoyed reading this post. You did a good job writing it.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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You would be right! He's got something brewing I think and Cynthia might want in on it too. There's a few storms a coming!
smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I don't like that man! Now I don't like Miguel especially when he said, 'Boss' now we know who he's really working for. I hope Hank remembers seeing him at that church and starts questioning things. No Emmy is there, will he be able to concentrate??? Lol. I'm off to read the next part now. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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I don't like that man! Now I don't like Miguel especially when he said, 'Boss' now we know who he's really working for. I hope Hank remembers seeing him at that church and starts questioning things. No Emmy is there, will he be able to concentrate??? Lol. I'm off to read the next part now. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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You are going to like him less in a bit.... Things are about to turn into storms on two fronts at least... Can't settle for a thunderstorm ...I need a hurricane or two. LOL
smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Looks like their is more than one fox in the hen house, maybe a dozen. LOL. Two FBI agents might not be enough to get the job done. Of course, there's always Garth to make three. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Looks like their is more than one fox in the hen house, maybe a dozen. LOL. Two FBI agents might not be enough to get the job done. Of course, there's always Garth to make three. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Yes, I believe things are going to get quite wild if they don't watch out. I'll have them running in circles and oh look they collided with the bad guys. LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a good chapter that fills in a lot of blanks. I am looking forward to the development of Emmy's character. I like the way Allie continues to "block" for Liz. It strengthens her role.
Notes:
golden sun painted the valley with its golden rays. -- redundant use of golden
as it carried tourists throughout the scenic valley, -- suggest "through" because it isn't splaying out
A few dark clouds were moving in as they climbed into the Mercedes. -- nice way to slip in some foreshadowing
Hank leaned across and kissed her soft lips. "Me, too." -- follow this with asterisks for change in location and POV
"Miguel, if you're going through town, would you mind if I hitched a ride? I've got a flat tire," Mason inquired.-- Do you intend for Mason to let everyone know he is on a first-name basis with Miguel when it would seem he has no reason to be?
"Yes, you're right." He slipped the towel over his head and ran toward the truck, climbing into the passenger seat. "Thanks for the lift, Miguel." -- asterisks above this -- POV change -- suggest "then climbed"
"No problem, boss." He rolled up his window -- suggest "Miguel rolled up" -- no clear antecedent fo "He"
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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This is a good chapter that fills in a lot of blanks. I am looking forward to the development of Emmy's character. I like the way Allie continues to "block" for Liz. It strengthens her role.
Notes:
golden sun painted the valley with its golden rays. -- redundant use of golden
as it carried tourists throughout the scenic valley, -- suggest "through" because it isn't splaying out
A few dark clouds were moving in as they climbed into the Mercedes. -- nice way to slip in some foreshadowing
Hank leaned across and kissed her soft lips. "Me, too." -- follow this with asterisks for change in location and POV
"Miguel, if you're going through town, would you mind if I hitched a ride? I've got a flat tire," Mason inquired.-- Do you intend for Mason to let everyone know he is on a first-name basis with Miguel when it would seem he has no reason to be?
"Yes, you're right." He slipped the towel over his head and ran toward the truck, climbing into the passenger seat. "Thanks for the lift, Miguel." -- asterisks above this -- POV change -- suggest "then climbed"
"No problem, boss." He rolled up his window -- suggest "Miguel rolled up" -- no clear antecedent fo "He"
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Miguel's mother works for Mason and has for many, many years. I am sure he would have come in contact with him many times. Besides it is a small town and they attend the same church. Does that make sense or no? He's a big deal in a small town.
I think I fixed everything else. Nice catch on my slips.
The story is starting to unravel now and Mason is doing his best to get his way.
Thanks for the help and the review. I've got a function to go to at noon so I doubt I get the second chapter posted. but I did finish one this morning. thanks again.
Hope your weather isn't getting terrible.
Smiles, Carol
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Re Miguel: you know all that in your head, but there has been so much intervening action that it wouldn't hurt to slip in something about Mason being well acquainted with Miguel from his visits to Sofia at Mason's house. You have so many story lines and characters that a few reminder bread crumbs to keep us on the right trail wouldn't do any harm. I frankly don't remember them being in church together, and the small town is big enough to have a large hospital. I think the tie with Sofia is best. There are a lot of "Miguels" working the vineyards, most of whom Mason wouldn't give two hoots about. Does any of that make sense?
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how's this....
?Miguel, if you?re going through town, would you mind if I hitched a ride? I?ve got a flat tire,? Mason inquired. "I'm sure your mother would like to say a quick hello to her son."
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Perfect.
