Comment from Mary Shifman

Excellent

Your poem has a chaotic quality in that it's reminiscent of those confused and wildly fluctuating feelings that bombard us when we first realize that this experience is more than just a dance--your partner more than just someone your guiding around the floor. Do you want it to last forever or would forever ultimately destroy you? You've managed to put all of these feelings and more into your poem. Nicely done.

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021

I thank you very much Mary for your kind thoughts and review.
This is actually based on my thoughts of two personal visits to Hell.
The first came after the loss of an 18 year old son.
(In the car accident of 2003)
And, then only 8 months later followed by the suicide of my own spouse.
Doctor Ricky 1024

reply by Mary Shifman on 16-Aug-2021

I'm so sorry for your losses. It is a very powerful poem and has more impact now that I know the back story. Once again, well done.

reply by the author on 17-Aug-2021

Comment from Badger_29

Excellent

Dear Ricky, I found this writing to be provocative and risque. The only thing that threw me off was all the question marks, I think that you might be able to take a few out and still get the point across, but all in all I found this could be an enjoyable narrative.

Blessings,

Brother Badger Cull

Darren

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2021

Thank you Badger.
The Byproduct is presented.
(My dad's actual Naval career)
As the presentation emerges?
This is when I will bring the non fiction to a conclusion; with a fictionist ending; that'll be incredible!
24
Yes, the question marks will come in handy.