Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Secrets in the Wind - Chapter 22"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
19 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
That is a nice hook at the end. It keeps me wanting to keep reading. I do not see any room for improvement. I looked forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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That is a nice hook at the end. It keeps me wanting to keep reading. I do not see any room for improvement. I looked forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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I'll just say thank you for catching up with all of them. It takes a lot of time and I truly appreciate it. Hope you enjoy the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Old eagle eyes, Cynthia wasn't going to miss a trick was she? Let's face it, she never knocks (and her pies may well be fatal one of these days!)--She'll undoubtedly try to barge in and find out what all the clandestine lights out movement was all about! As for Jon...what a character! Maybe (a strong maybe, but who knows?) he truly feels some remorse... (He was after all, toying with pills, a gun, etcetera...)--But man oh man-- It's hard to believe he's anything but hard core evil, and will likely have to face his betrayals here in this mortal plane! Meanwhile, how greedy is this Michael? He's reading everything but "Gold-digging For Dummies!"-- I think if it came to gold or his "auntie" he'd quickly push Cynthia in front of an oncoming train! Lot's of action... Lot's of great writing...
Karenina
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Old eagle eyes, Cynthia wasn't going to miss a trick was she? Let's face it, she never knocks (and her pies may well be fatal one of these days!)--She'll undoubtedly try to barge in and find out what all the clandestine lights out movement was all about! As for Jon...what a character! Maybe (a strong maybe, but who knows?) he truly feels some remorse... (He was after all, toying with pills, a gun, etcetera...)--But man oh man-- It's hard to believe he's anything but hard core evil, and will likely have to face his betrayals here in this mortal plane! Meanwhile, how greedy is this Michael? He's reading everything but "Gold-digging For Dummies!"-- I think if it came to gold or his "auntie" he'd quickly push Cynthia in front of an oncoming train! Lot's of action... Lot's of great writing...
Karenina
Comment Written 31-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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No one trusts her pies...Maybe for a "kick" I should have her set up a stand and hand out samples...think anyone would bite!?!? i wanted Jon to take that gun and pow!! but there was already too many people dying. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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Bless me Father Jon for I have ....SO wanted you to meet a painful death!
(True!)
Karenina
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The best-laid plans sometimes are not quite laid in the best way. I'm sure that Garth wasn't aware of the nosy neighbor, Cynthia. She will go digging but will she find out what is happening. Let's hope not.
Jon on the edge is now clearly relieved, yet guilty about his sister. What a loser.
Moving right along I'm sure Cynthia will have a pie or two to deliver.
Ralf
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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The best-laid plans sometimes are not quite laid in the best way. I'm sure that Garth wasn't aware of the nosy neighbor, Cynthia. She will go digging but will she find out what is happening. Let's hope not.
Jon on the edge is now clearly relieved, yet guilty about his sister. What a loser.
Moving right along I'm sure Cynthia will have a pie or two to deliver.
Ralf
Comment Written 22-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2021
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Cynthia is a HUGE PROBLEM and she has her eyes set on Mason as well. Storms are a brewing.
Smiles, Carol
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Cynthia is your typical nosey and somewhat coveting, neighbor.
Comment from BethShelby
Apparently I got distracted by a phone call and forgot to write a review on this one. This is great. The word is out that Cassady is dead but she isn't and her brother feels horrible at what he thinks he as done to his sister.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Apparently I got distracted by a phone call and forgot to write a review on this one. This is great. The word is out that Cassady is dead but she isn't and her brother feels horrible at what he thinks he as done to his sister.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Jon should feel horrible...He's done some evil things. Such a weak man and a priest at that. Hopefully, he might remember what is right in life.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Well, Father Jon has some shreds of a conscience, but it wasn't enough to stop him from heartlessly murdering (so he believes) his sister -- yes, he has about as much of a conscience as Judas Iscariot. And it looks like he might be following the playback of Judas.
Errors and suggestions:
He stretched his legs."It's Friday night, Cynthia.
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He stretched his legs. "It's Friday night, Cynthia.
An owl hooted from a nearby tree breaking the silence.
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An owl hooted from a nearby tree, breaking the silence.
and an occasional undistinguishable sound,
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and an occasional indistinguishable sound,
The repetition pounding urged Jon to answer,
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The repetitious pounding urged Jon to answer,
Jon tried to decide if the Officer was there to arrest him ...
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Jon tried to decide if the officer was there to arrest him, ...
***
As I expected, "spies" (Cynthia and Michael) are there, watching Liz's place when Cassidy arrives, although I hope they don't realize what they're looking at.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Well, Father Jon has some shreds of a conscience, but it wasn't enough to stop him from heartlessly murdering (so he believes) his sister -- yes, he has about as much of a conscience as Judas Iscariot. And it looks like he might be following the playback of Judas.
Errors and suggestions:
He stretched his legs."It's Friday night, Cynthia.
-->
He stretched his legs. "It's Friday night, Cynthia.
An owl hooted from a nearby tree breaking the silence.
-->
An owl hooted from a nearby tree, breaking the silence.
and an occasional undistinguishable sound,
-->
and an occasional indistinguishable sound,
The repetition pounding urged Jon to answer,
-->
The repetitious pounding urged Jon to answer,
Jon tried to decide if the Officer was there to arrest him ...
-->
Jon tried to decide if the officer was there to arrest him, ...
***
As I expected, "spies" (Cynthia and Michael) are there, watching Liz's place when Cassidy arrives, although I hope they don't realize what they're looking at.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Yes, Cynthia, Michael and Jon are not to be trusted...They all have secret motives and agendas. Thanks for the review and the help. Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. You have such a talent for creating these plots and characters. God bless you, my friend. Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from NABattaglia
Wow--what an ending. You have a strong ability to pull us into the scene very quickly and get us reading faster and faster. I really enjoyed this one, especially that last part as I tried to figure out what was happening next with the pistol. Great work.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2021
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Wow--what an ending. You have a strong ability to pull us into the scene very quickly and get us reading faster and faster. I really enjoyed this one, especially that last part as I tried to figure out what was happening next with the pistol. Great work.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2021
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Good morning and thank you!
I appreciate your review and following the story. Jon is a weak man and though he knows what's right, he struggles to find the right way out. Only time will tell what way he chooses. Thanks again.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from ShirleyT1
I believe Jon is becoming unglued even more. Every chapter shows him declining. You continue to keep me glued to your story from the first sentence to the last, and always leaves me looking forward to the next chapter. Great job of writing and storytelling!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021
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I believe Jon is becoming unglued even more. Every chapter shows him declining. You continue to keep me glued to your story from the first sentence to the last, and always leaves me looking forward to the next chapter. Great job of writing and storytelling!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Shirley
I am sure all those years in the seminary must have touched Jon in some way and he realizes how weak his spirit is.... I hope he finds the strength to redeem himself.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
You continue to build the suspense in this tale, Carol. It looks like one character may come to an end, but there are still so many questions. I know it will be a while before it's all wrapped up. Great work.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021
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You continue to build the suspense in this tale, Carol. It looks like one character may come to an end, but there are still so many questions. I know it will be a while before it's all wrapped up. Great work.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021
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I hope that Jon holds on even though he is so weak in spirit, but one never knows. I'm not sure how much he learned in the seminary, but I pray it is enough to want to redeem himself in the end.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Much, much better. POV seemed solid. Michael and Cynthia acted appropriately and in character. All of the scenes seemed plausible. I liked Cynthia's rush to bake pies. You're still a little heavy on the dialogue, but narrative is improving! Yeah!
Notes:
property minus their headlights. ==> its headlights (one car)
Two flickering candles on the credenza provided a dimly lit glow to the stray streams of moonlight -- provided or added.?
black writing pad. -- blotter? desk pad? (Can check Staples online to see what they are currently called. I used to sell "blotter pads" with vinyl or leather sides you could slip a blotter into, though many people dispensed with the blotter. But that was 40+ years ago. Jon might still have an old one on his massive wooden desk. I doubt he's down to just a flat surface with a laptop. :-) )
The repetition pounding ==> repetitive; but can you enrich this? What was assailing his ears? Can you think of a metaphor?
tried to decide if the Officer was there to arrest ==> officer
resting his head against the palms -- cradling his head in?
pulled out the Director's card. ==> director's; also, would this really merit the No. 1 guy? Why not Garth's card? I know he was supposed to be undercover, but didn't he blow that at the hospital?
getting his voice mail. ==> but reached only his voicemail
Removing the gun from his pocket, he laid it on the desk. == He removed . . . then laid
His fingers brushed across the pearl handle -- pearl grip is more authentic
Alone, except for wine, pills, and a gun, his agony reverberated around the room. -- was his agony alone? :-)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Much, much better. POV seemed solid. Michael and Cynthia acted appropriately and in character. All of the scenes seemed plausible. I liked Cynthia's rush to bake pies. You're still a little heavy on the dialogue, but narrative is improving! Yeah!
Notes:
property minus their headlights. ==> its headlights (one car)
Two flickering candles on the credenza provided a dimly lit glow to the stray streams of moonlight -- provided or added.?
black writing pad. -- blotter? desk pad? (Can check Staples online to see what they are currently called. I used to sell "blotter pads" with vinyl or leather sides you could slip a blotter into, though many people dispensed with the blotter. But that was 40+ years ago. Jon might still have an old one on his massive wooden desk. I doubt he's down to just a flat surface with a laptop. :-) )
The repetition pounding ==> repetitive; but can you enrich this? What was assailing his ears? Can you think of a metaphor?
tried to decide if the Officer was there to arrest ==> officer
resting his head against the palms -- cradling his head in?
pulled out the Director's card. ==> director's; also, would this really merit the No. 1 guy? Why not Garth's card? I know he was supposed to be undercover, but didn't he blow that at the hospital?
getting his voice mail. ==> but reached only his voicemail
Removing the gun from his pocket, he laid it on the desk. == He removed . . . then laid
His fingers brushed across the pearl handle -- pearl grip is more authentic
Alone, except for wine, pills, and a gun, his agony reverberated around the room. -- was his agony alone? :-)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021
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Okay then... I believe I fixed all of the suggestions. Thank you as always. Sorry it took me so long, but I was just overwhelmed. Now I have finished and can start to write again...if I can stay connected to the internet and can see straight. LOL
Hope you are doing okay. Smiles, Carol
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You are welcome.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, sometimes the silence truly is deafening, making us turn on all the noise we can to stop our minds whirling vividness that we can't stand to see or hear. But we have to hope it drives a priest without a conscience mad. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Yes, sometimes the silence truly is deafening, making us turn on all the noise we can to stop our minds whirling vividness that we can't stand to see or hear. But we have to hope it drives a priest without a conscience mad. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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I know I have driven myself to the edge while sitting quietly alone at night... My mind draws lots of conclusions that simply aren't really there. Then the dawn comes and I find myself again (or most times I do)... especially after a laugh or two from you.
Smiles and hugs, Carol