Visionary
flash fiction story23 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
I like the way you started with the blood spattered brick, then let us know that it was precognition by saying that it was clean, and finally making it come true with the blood of the clairvoyant himself. Nicely done. Your brick description was spot on.
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I like the way you started with the blood spattered brick, then let us know that it was precognition by saying that it was clean, and finally making it come true with the blood of the clairvoyant himself. Nicely done. Your brick description was spot on.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2021
Comment from NABattaglia
Now that is an interesting way to do this. I wasn't sure what was going to happen at first but I had an idea. It was a great way of doing this and I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Now that is an interesting way to do this. I wasn't sure what was going to happen at first but I had an idea. It was a great way of doing this and I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Many thanks.
Comment from muffinmama
Wow! This is perfectly written. You provide just enough foreshadowing to make it believable, but you don't destroy the effect of the vision coming to pass. Even though his death was predictable, the circumstances made it interesting.
I enjoyed this piece.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Wow! This is perfectly written. You provide just enough foreshadowing to make it believable, but you don't destroy the effect of the vision coming to pass. Even though his death was predictable, the circumstances made it interesting.
I enjoyed this piece.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Many thanks for the great response
Comment from DeboraDyess
OMGoodness! That was awesome! (Unless, of course, you are Jasper...)
I never saw it coming, either, so well done!
Interesting take on precognition and its perils, and such a fun story!
Blessings, thank you, and have a great one!
Deb
Hey...
I'm putting together some stories from here for a flash story horror book that I'm hoping to get out before Halloween. Interested in this going in? It's not exactly horror, but it would fit. YOu'd get a copy at publication cost (probably about $5 plus shipping) and your name on the jacket.
Just let me know... :)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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OMGoodness! That was awesome! (Unless, of course, you are Jasper...)
I never saw it coming, either, so well done!
Interesting take on precognition and its perils, and such a fun story!
Blessings, thank you, and have a great one!
Deb
Hey...
I'm putting together some stories from here for a flash story horror book that I'm hoping to get out before Halloween. Interested in this going in? It's not exactly horror, but it would fit. YOu'd get a copy at publication cost (probably about $5 plus shipping) and your name on the jacket.
Just let me know... :)
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Many thanks for the great response. You can put this one in the book if you like. cheers G
Comment from estory
I thought you did a great job of creating surprise and tension in a small space with this. You set up the detective being drawn out of his car really well; there is little hint of the violence to come, except in that image of the blood splattered wall, but as he draws his gun we are kind of expecting a confrontation with the people down the alley. Just like Jasper, we never see the shot coming from behind. Having him munching on french fries and slurping a milk shake creates a lot of innocent mundane movements that distract us from what's to come. estory
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I thought you did a great job of creating surprise and tension in a small space with this. You set up the detective being drawn out of his car really well; there is little hint of the violence to come, except in that image of the blood splattered wall, but as he draws his gun we are kind of expecting a confrontation with the people down the alley. Just like Jasper, we never see the shot coming from behind. Having him munching on french fries and slurping a milk shake creates a lot of innocent mundane movements that distract us from what's to come. estory
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Much appreciated as always.
Comment from Terry Overton
This was a good read, good descriptions, and had a surprise ending for sure. It moved at a pretty good pace throughout the story which I like. Best to you:)
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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This was a good read, good descriptions, and had a surprise ending for sure. It moved at a pretty good pace throughout the story which I like. Best to you:)
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the kind review
Comment from royowen
Precognition didn't really help him here. Yes, there's an awful lot one has to either perceive or have both intuitive thinking or prosthetic ability, not that it matters, an excellent post my friend, good job G, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Precognition didn't really help him here. Yes, there's an awful lot one has to either perceive or have both intuitive thinking or prosthetic ability, not that it matters, an excellent post my friend, good job G, blessings Roy
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Much appreciated, Roy. G
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Well done
Comment from Jay Squires
A good piece of flash fiction. I found it kind of hard to make the transition with the final line. The reason is that you were using the omniscient point of view right up to the last line, then you switched it to the objective point of view. It's hard to climb out of the character to stand aside and watch him be dead.
That said, you did keep me moving forward through the rich description and had me caring for the protagonist right up to the end.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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A good piece of flash fiction. I found it kind of hard to make the transition with the final line. The reason is that you were using the omniscient point of view right up to the last line, then you switched it to the objective point of view. It's hard to climb out of the character to stand aside and watch him be dead.
That said, you did keep me moving forward through the rich description and had me caring for the protagonist right up to the end.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Cheers, jay. G
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
With the title and the word precognition, you give a couple of subtle hints about JMcGee. His own life was gone in an instant because that was a time he didn't get it right. I enjoyed reading your flash story. The ending was a great twist, though sad, but believable, too.
Respectfully, Jan
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With the title and the word precognition, you give a couple of subtle hints about JMcGee. His own life was gone in an instant because that was a time he didn't get it right. I enjoyed reading your flash story. The ending was a great twist, though sad, but believable, too.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
Comment from aryr
This was truly amazing, G. It was filled with suspense of Jasper finding the intriguing wall and the events around such. Then it was a total surprise to have him die, he definitely never saw it coming. Very well done and greatly enjoyed for such a short piece of reading.
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This was truly amazing, G. It was filled with suspense of Jasper finding the intriguing wall and the events around such. Then it was a total surprise to have him die, he definitely never saw it coming. Very well done and greatly enjoyed for such a short piece of reading.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
