Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Betrayal Chapter 44"In the title.
33 total reviews
Comment from DSchlosser
Oh, I was hoping for more of a resistance from Colin and the mother as the cops came into the place. A good second beat down to Colin would have been nice. Sucks that the mom isn't getting much out of everything. I know wives and husbands here in the U.S. that are in jail for hiring hitmen to try and take out lovers. With all that evidence they had, it should put that mom away for a while. Another great chapter! And then there was one!
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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Oh, I was hoping for more of a resistance from Colin and the mother as the cops came into the place. A good second beat down to Colin would have been nice. Sucks that the mom isn't getting much out of everything. I know wives and husbands here in the U.S. that are in jail for hiring hitmen to try and take out lovers. With all that evidence they had, it should put that mom away for a while. Another great chapter! And then there was one!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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I might add a bit more to this part. You're right, Colin would be a bit more agressive when the police came in. I'll have a think on that. Thank you, David, you've been a great help with your thoughts. More hugs coming your way!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
So, it seems like the happy ending is here at last.
Great descriptions of Marylin and Colin, they prove that heredity
can pass down evil traits. Both appear to be in for a long enclosed life.
I wonder just how someone like Marylin will deal with final sentence.
But on to happy events. Looks like Jeff and Monica will be seeing each other.
Tania was a bit coy, but life with a billionaire with dreamy eyes and muscular arms can't be all bad. :)
The book could easily end right here, except for the word - 'continued'.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2021
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Hello Sandra,
So, it seems like the happy ending is here at last.
Great descriptions of Marylin and Colin, they prove that heredity
can pass down evil traits. Both appear to be in for a long enclosed life.
I wonder just how someone like Marylin will deal with final sentence.
But on to happy events. Looks like Jeff and Monica will be seeing each other.
Tania was a bit coy, but life with a billionaire with dreamy eyes and muscular arms can't be all bad. :)
The book could easily end right here, except for the word - 'continued'.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 11-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2021
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You're right, it could have ended easily, but I think everyone want an ending that ties everything up. There are a couple of loose ends.
Thank you so much, Robert, your review has made my day. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. And another thank you, and a arm hug for the six shiny stars!! Have a wonderful day, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
What suspense in this story...I'm glad that things will calm down and each can go back to their life safely. The mother and her son really are a case of bad people....glad they were caught.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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What suspense in this story...I'm glad that things will calm down and each can go back to their life safely. The mother and her son really are a case of bad people....glad they were caught.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Yes, you have them down to a T, Rosemary. They certainly deserved each other. Thank you so much for this lovely review, my friend. I really appreciate it. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Gert sherwood
The showdown!
A chapter in the book Betrayal
Betrayal Chapter 44
sandramitchell What I like about you writing is when you describe your characters, and their actions especially the mother. How I can clearly vision them especially the mother.
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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The showdown!
A chapter in the book Betrayal
Betrayal Chapter 44
sandramitchell What I like about you writing is when you describe your characters, and their actions especially the mother. How I can clearly vision them especially the mother.
Gert
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for those lovely comments, Gert. That was so kind of you. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You are welcome sandramitchell
Gert
Comment from Sally Law
Finally! I'm so glad that horrible mother is under control until the trial. I hope they lock her up until she expires. Money buys things though, we crime mystery writers know that. Exceptional writing my dear. "Backstreet floozy" had me on the floor. You are a delight to read. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs...
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Finally! I'm so glad that horrible mother is under control until the trial. I hope they lock her up until she expires. Money buys things though, we crime mystery writers know that. Exceptional writing my dear. "Backstreet floozy" had me on the floor. You are a delight to read. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs...
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you, my dear Sal, for this really nice review, and a big warm hug for the six stars! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Now to concentrate on Tania and Grant! They are a bit slow and need a shove. Lol. Thanks, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
What a delightful chapter. Beautifully written, it includes intrigue, sweet revenge, and to top it all off, a gripping scene between Grant and Tania, which not only proved how much he cared, but how his touch sent Tania's nerve endings into a tail-spin. You seem to have sown up all the loose ends, but I wouldn't doubt you still have something up your sleeve. I cant wait to find out!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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What a delightful chapter. Beautifully written, it includes intrigue, sweet revenge, and to top it all off, a gripping scene between Grant and Tania, which not only proved how much he cared, but how his touch sent Tania's nerve endings into a tail-spin. You seem to have sown up all the loose ends, but I wouldn't doubt you still have something up your sleeve. I cant wait to find out!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much, Alexis. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. One more part left to do. Thank you for the golden sixth star! It's like being awarded the Olympic Gold Medal!! Lol. Warm hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from tfawcus
Great characterisation of Marilyn. She really is a bitch! You almost have me believing she'll worm her way out of this, although the way she turned on Colin makes me think he'll ensure she goes down with him. Grant's role as a cool observer of events is perfectly in character and a good contrast to the way Colin loses his cool.
Now for the foreshadowed romantic conclusion!
This has been a great ride! Enjoyed it all the way.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Great characterisation of Marilyn. She really is a bitch! You almost have me believing she'll worm her way out of this, although the way she turned on Colin makes me think he'll ensure she goes down with him. Grant's role as a cool observer of events is perfectly in character and a good contrast to the way Colin loses his cool.
Now for the foreshadowed romantic conclusion!
This has been a great ride! Enjoyed it all the way.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Aw, thank you so much, Tony! What a lovely review. Yes, a nice happy ending is the way I'm going. I think my characters deserve it after what I've put them through, lol.
Thank you for being such a supportive friend and a big thank you for the generous six stars. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from DeboraDyess
Hi! I"m back! I'm back! Thank you for not finishing without me! ((I'm so sure that's what you had in mind and did it on purpose! lol)
Thoughts:
~ poker faced butler >> Love it! MY butler is poker-faced, of course! :) But I thnk you need a hyphen...
~ Taking one out, Grant noticed her hand shake as she reached for her matching silver lighter. >> It almost sounds like Grant retrieves a cigarette for her. What about a slight rewording? Something like: He watched her take one out and noticed her hand shake as she reached for her matching silver lighter. >> Also, don't need 'silver' here. It's matching, so we know it already.
~ He'd been standing there, clenching and unclenching his fists. >> Who is doing this? Colin? Grant? Since it follows Grant's dialogue, I assume him. But it feels like it's Colin...
~ venomous smile >> perfect description! REally a great image here.
~ Marilyn had put two and two together and came up with the >> shouldn't it be 'c'come up with'?
~~ Marilyn could have a chance to retaliate, the front door >> This sounds a bit awkward. I'd either say 'had a chance' or 'could'. Both seems redundant. To me.
~ 'Not me, mother, this is all down to >> 'Not me, Mother, this is all down to
~ she found she was yelling at the closed door after Grant had walked out. >> She found Herself yelling at the closed door. >> The sentence structure change is optional, of course. But you do need to cap the 'She'. Your reader will figure out that Grant left. :)
~ herself remanded in custody >> in or into? Here, it's 'into'.
~ This may also be a geographical difference. In the US, people go to jail until convicted. Then to prison. MIght check there, if you're not sure. I know it's a minute point, but such things can break a reader's concentration.
~ would easily have chilled Satan's blood >> WOW! lovely! and vivid...
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I'm not sure about the bit in the courtroom. It almost interrupts the flow. Is there a way to put it in conversation at their dinner? There would be questions about it, of course, since the team is all well aware of what's up. It might flow into that part better than having it's own section.
Also, you have lots of 'hads' in there. I do that, too, but readers know that it's there, even when it isn't. Weird, yes. But if you drop that word, you usually end up with a better, tighter read.
Just some thoughts for your consideration. Glad I caught this one and will TRY to get back to the others tonight and tomorrow. NO KIDS TONIGHT! YYAHOO! 9I'm a terrible grandmother, but I've had kids 24/7 for over a week. Just ready to be empty nesting again for a few days! lol)
Blessings and hugs,
Debs
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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Hi! I"m back! I'm back! Thank you for not finishing without me! ((I'm so sure that's what you had in mind and did it on purpose! lol)
Thoughts:
~ poker faced butler >> Love it! MY butler is poker-faced, of course! :) But I thnk you need a hyphen...
~ Taking one out, Grant noticed her hand shake as she reached for her matching silver lighter. >> It almost sounds like Grant retrieves a cigarette for her. What about a slight rewording? Something like: He watched her take one out and noticed her hand shake as she reached for her matching silver lighter. >> Also, don't need 'silver' here. It's matching, so we know it already.
~ He'd been standing there, clenching and unclenching his fists. >> Who is doing this? Colin? Grant? Since it follows Grant's dialogue, I assume him. But it feels like it's Colin...
~ venomous smile >> perfect description! REally a great image here.
~ Marilyn had put two and two together and came up with the >> shouldn't it be 'c'come up with'?
~~ Marilyn could have a chance to retaliate, the front door >> This sounds a bit awkward. I'd either say 'had a chance' or 'could'. Both seems redundant. To me.
~ 'Not me, mother, this is all down to >> 'Not me, Mother, this is all down to
~ she found she was yelling at the closed door after Grant had walked out. >> She found Herself yelling at the closed door. >> The sentence structure change is optional, of course. But you do need to cap the 'She'. Your reader will figure out that Grant left. :)
~ herself remanded in custody >> in or into? Here, it's 'into'.
~ This may also be a geographical difference. In the US, people go to jail until convicted. Then to prison. MIght check there, if you're not sure. I know it's a minute point, but such things can break a reader's concentration.
~ would easily have chilled Satan's blood >> WOW! lovely! and vivid...
~
I'm not sure about the bit in the courtroom. It almost interrupts the flow. Is there a way to put it in conversation at their dinner? There would be questions about it, of course, since the team is all well aware of what's up. It might flow into that part better than having it's own section.
Also, you have lots of 'hads' in there. I do that, too, but readers know that it's there, even when it isn't. Weird, yes. But if you drop that word, you usually end up with a better, tighter read.
Just some thoughts for your consideration. Glad I caught this one and will TRY to get back to the others tonight and tomorrow. NO KIDS TONIGHT! YYAHOO! 9I'm a terrible grandmother, but I've had kids 24/7 for over a week. Just ready to be empty nesting again for a few days! lol)
Blessings and hugs,
Debs
~
~
~
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much, Debs, for this really wonderful review. You've offered some great suggestions, which I've used. Some other suggestions I'm going to work on later in my MS Word document, as it will take a lot more thought.
We all have those magical times with our grandchildren, and so I can completely understand why you wouldn't want to be bothered with coming on here. I'm the same when I have mine around me. It's making memories for them, so one day they will be telling their own grandchildren what they did with us! We become immortal!! LOL. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
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Making memories is THE BEST. I have them 4 nights every week, and three days up until noon or 1 PM. Their mom works those nights and picking the kids up a 2 AM isn't a good plan for any of us. So, I play momma part-time now. :) But it's worth it and still fun. (I'm a lot more fun as a part-time momma than I was as a full-timer! lol)
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, let me wipe the tears from my eyes...before I review...
of course she'll stay...how could she leave the protection of those dreamy eyes???...and those muscular arms???...and of course Monica needs Jeff to protect her...what a couple wimps these girls are...needing these rich, soft spoken, dreamy eyed...muscular men to protect them...really...
hmmmmmm
I would like to have been the wasp on the wall when grant walked in on the Troll and Cruella...finally Grant got he's pay back...and Rapier, The Troll, and Cruella will be off to prison...UNLESS...Cruella runs off with your muse...and that could happen...MAYBE...
Cruella could still be dangerous...as far as The Troll goes...he couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag...and Rapier can follow the yellow brick road off to prison...
what an awesome chapter my amazing friend...couldn't stop reading it...can't wait to read the last chapter...I'll lock my door in case Cruella escapes...sooooooooo very well written beautiful you...NEXT...bunches of love and hugs coming your way...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Hi Sandra, let me wipe the tears from my eyes...before I review...
of course she'll stay...how could she leave the protection of those dreamy eyes???...and those muscular arms???...and of course Monica needs Jeff to protect her...what a couple wimps these girls are...needing these rich, soft spoken, dreamy eyed...muscular men to protect them...really...
hmmmmmm
I would like to have been the wasp on the wall when grant walked in on the Troll and Cruella...finally Grant got he's pay back...and Rapier, The Troll, and Cruella will be off to prison...UNLESS...Cruella runs off with your muse...and that could happen...MAYBE...
Cruella could still be dangerous...as far as The Troll goes...he couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag...and Rapier can follow the yellow brick road off to prison...
what an awesome chapter my amazing friend...couldn't stop reading it...can't wait to read the last chapter...I'll lock my door in case Cruella escapes...sooooooooo very well written beautiful you...NEXT...bunches of love and hugs coming your way...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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I don't think Cruella will risk being put in prison by doing something stupid, especially as she can't blame Colin now he's back inside. She's still hoping she can get off scott-free! I can't see Colin lasting long, inside prison, can you!!! LOL! Next up is the last part when everything happens! It might be rather long, though.
Linda, my dearest, lovely friend, you have had me in tears as well, tears of laughter all the way through. You are such a fun lady, and I can't thank you enough for the joy you have brought into my life. Love you muchas, muchas! And some! Lol. :)) Sandra xxxxxx
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Cruella should be going to prison as well...attempt of murder...
you never know...Colin might like it there...hmmmm.
as long as the tears are tears of joy...cry away my amazing friend...Sandra...I consider
you a very special friend...God truly blessed me when I met you...my family and I consider you a part of our family...I have sat many nights with you...reading your books to Noah...and Abby when you could get her to sit still...these books will be with us for years...knowing you has been amazing...love you all the way to the sky...and some...I would tell Noah that...but I would throw my arms up...smiling so big back at you...Linda xxoo
Comment from Ric Myworld
Another outstanding chapter that leaves us readers anxiously awaiting what happens next; although, I'm betting we won't get to see or reading everything. LOL. I must be nuts, it's only a story. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Another outstanding chapter that leaves us readers anxiously awaiting what happens next; although, I'm betting we won't get to see or reading everything. LOL. I must be nuts, it's only a story. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Thank you, dear Ric, for another lovely review. Last chapter coming up, and then I can start on my next book! I've loved your reviews, my friend, thank you for always being so supportive. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx