Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I think you succeeded in capturing that magical moment of romance, a first love and first kiss. You don't mention how old you and Patricia were but the reference to the mother's garden and the father's shed show us that this first love was couched in the security of family.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2021

Thanks for the excellent review and your words of support for my little story. I am glad that it seems to have summed up the experience of first love, and the innocence, in many ways, inside of it. I was 25 and Patricia was 19 at the time. estory

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi estory, I think you captured that delicate moment very well. You have created a wonderful romantic scene. The imagery is outstanding.I was there watching. Some of your best writing. All best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021

Thanks so much for the excellent review and the compliments. I don't know if its the best, but it was fun to write. Sometimes those are the ones that people resonate with the most. estory

reply by Ulla on 11-Aug-2021

Very true.

Comment from Judy Lawless

Excellent

I think you've captured the moment of first love very well, with the romantic gesture and the descriptions of the gardens, the light, the girl and the scents. Well done.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021

Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the support and compliments; I appreciate it. estory

Comment from Jasmine Girl

Exceptional

This is one of the best writing from you I have read. It is full of emotion and tenderness. It felt authentic and very romantic. Since it is a memory, I think it is a true story.

It is beautifully written.

Exceptional.

 Comment Written 08-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks again for the six stars and all your continuing support. estory

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

estory my what a wonderful story of a man and a woman falling in love.The thought of you using flowers from the garden that carried a beautiful scent made me smile when in your story; when the male lover clipped a perfect red rose for her, tightly wound with its velvet petals, on an elegant, long stem.
Gert

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks for the excellent review, and its always great to hear these specifics of what worked for you in the story. I wanted to use that moment to symbolize this element of love as a gift, from each to the other. estory

reply by Gert sherwood on 09-Aug-2021

You are most welcome estory
Gert

Comment from Gloria ....

Exceptional

You did a fantastic job of this first love account. The setting defined with just enough filling in to lead into that moment when all the world blurs, "and nothing else matters" with a loved one.

A most enjoyable read today. :))

Gloria

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks again for the six stars and I am glad that the ending, when the world stands still, is what seems to have impressed you the most. That is my favorite part of the whole scene. It seems to capture the essence of that first love moment. estory

Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock

Excellent

I am sure you have captured the moment vividly in this short essay. Who would ever forget such a moment? First love holds such a special place in our hearts, even though it was long ago, it never leaves our hearts.

Ralf

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks for the excellent review and you nailed it right on the head. This is what I really wanted to capture about this moment, how it resonates and resonates, and the whole world seems to melt away and stand still around us in that moment. estory

Comment from Jesse James Doty

Excellent

Wow, I was overcome for a moment after reading this story. It seemed so true to life. I wish so much I had a sixer to give you, as I have with others I have read today. You make the quality of romance seem palpable, and in today's world, that must be hard. I love the images you create with your pen, as it were, and I love the scene you set for a romantic interlude between two people.
This is excellently done and, I cannot find anything I would change about it.
Thank you for romancing my afternoon,
Jesse

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks for the excellent review and your wonderful words of support for the piece. I am glad you are enjoying the series and that it turning out to be so evocative for you. estory

reply by Jesse James Doty on 09-Aug-2021

Yes, I love the series, and it resonates with me very much.
Have a wonderful afternoon,
Jesse

Comment from royowen

Excellent

No wonder artists paint or sketch, or sculpt, or poets write, they try to eternalise what they capture in their minds, or eyes, or souls. And you've captured it in prose, all worthy exponentcy of imagery. Beautifully written, a most admirable summation of the sensual. Beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for all your continued interest in my writing. I am glad that it seems to be so evocative and captured this first love moment. estory

reply by royowen on 09-Aug-2021

Good job

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

Overall I enjoyed this short story very much, and felt that you had managed to adhere well to the aims you outlined in your note. The only part that didn't convince me was the description of the stars (standing still). When I gaze up at the night sky, the stars always seem to me to be immobile.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2021

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021

Thanks for the excellent review and all your words of support. I wanted to create a sense of the world melting away and standing still around the focused two lovers, who see only each other in this moment. estory