Running Blind
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Running Blind ~ Chapter Twelve "The Blind Girl's toughest cold case.
29 total reviews
Comment from royowen
An "out of body experience" which few experience, it's probably good to sleep for three months, not that it's ever happened to me. But my guess is that the villain was at least apprehended and the crime scene cleansed and overcome. This is a very surreal episode, where your imagination is your actually part of your story. Well created and thought out. Well done, blessings Roy
Typo : The bargai(n)ing madman.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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An "out of body experience" which few experience, it's probably good to sleep for three months, not that it's ever happened to me. But my guess is that the villain was at least apprehended and the crime scene cleansed and overcome. This is a very surreal episode, where your imagination is your actually part of your story. Well created and thought out. Well done, blessings Roy
Typo : The bargai(n)ing madman.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the lovely review and helpful critique. I have repaired it. Thank you, again. Blessings always,
Sal XOs
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Well done
Comment from poetwatch
Three months, Sally? You have to write about what happened while you were in paradise. Until they ran you out! No living being allowed. :) It is good and I imagine what happened afterwards will be revealed in the next chapter. Thank you for an exciting trip into police work.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Three months, Sally? You have to write about what happened while you were in paradise. Until they ran you out! No living being allowed. :) It is good and I imagine what happened afterwards will be revealed in the next chapter. Thank you for an exciting trip into police work.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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I did write about paradise. ?? I?m back to earth now regaining consciousness after a coma. Remember time in heaven is not like it is on earth. One day to the Lord is as a thousand.
Sending you my best today as always and many thanks for the excellent review,
Sal XOs
Comment from Sankey
What an exciting chapter. I nearly thought we had lost the blind girl. 3 months coma, wow! Looking forward to where this is going. Looks like the bullet-proof vest was no help. No spags.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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What an exciting chapter. I nearly thought we had lost the blind girl. 3 months coma, wow! Looking forward to where this is going. Looks like the bullet-proof vest was no help. No spags.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the lovely review and generous stars, dear Geoff. More to come as this one will certainly surprise. Sending you my best today with love and blessings to you both,
Sal XOs
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
HEY SAL.
Well, there is some interesting action going on in this part of the story. Sally becomes part of a hostage exchange and during the encounter she is shot in the neck.
Here is something to consider. After the gunshot wound, you might want to build the scene with the ambulance call to build suspense and demonstrate how serious the wound is. You may want to describe how Tony is apprehended. That might build even more suspense leading up to the paradise dream. The dream is an "interlude" before a major event of her being in a coma. That's a big deal because the Paradise dream makes the reader think it is all over. You might consider leading the story into the coma. (I don't usually make suggestions like this, but I thought that might add suspense to the story)
PAL Z
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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HEY SAL.
Well, there is some interesting action going on in this part of the story. Sally becomes part of a hostage exchange and during the encounter she is shot in the neck.
Here is something to consider. After the gunshot wound, you might want to build the scene with the ambulance call to build suspense and demonstrate how serious the wound is. You may want to describe how Tony is apprehended. That might build even more suspense leading up to the paradise dream. The dream is an "interlude" before a major event of her being in a coma. That's a big deal because the Paradise dream makes the reader think it is all over. You might consider leading the story into the coma. (I don't usually make suggestions like this, but I thought that might add suspense to the story)
PAL Z
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the excellent review and comments. I can't tell the story if I'm not there to tell it. More fill in the next chapter, I promise.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal your pal :))
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You're welcome.
PAL Z
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
What a strange state of affairs. Three months? Wow. Just her luck to be wearing a bulletproof vest and get shot in the neck. Sounds like she was very close to death.
Ralf
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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What a strange state of affairs. Three months? Wow. Just her luck to be wearing a bulletproof vest and get shot in the neck. Sounds like she was very close to death.
Ralf
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the wonderful review and generous comments. Yep, I?m very lucky in the this chapter. It?s providence really. Blessings always,
Sal XOs
Comment from Ulla
My goodness, Sally, this really kept me on my toes. She's now back after three months. Three months! That's a very long time. I do enjoy this story, and there's no telling where it will go from here. Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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My goodness, Sally, this really kept me on my toes. She's now back after three months. Three months! That's a very long time. I do enjoy this story, and there's no telling where it will go from here. Ulla xxx
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the lovely review and generous stars, Ulla dear. I?m so very blessed by this. More coming?.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from damommy
Three months?! I can imagine the worry of everyone that she's ever come back. She was very brave making the trade for Olivia. What an exciting chapter. I hope King chewed Tony up but good.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Three months?! I can imagine the worry of everyone that she's ever come back. She was very brave making the trade for Olivia. What an exciting chapter. I hope King chewed Tony up but good.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the wonderful review and fun comments. Jackson probably chewed him too. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from BethShelby
I wasn't expecting that. I was surprised the swap was taking place and I thought the dog would attack but I didn't expect the bullet to do so much damage that it would be a three month recovery and I near death experience as well Nicely written. I look forward to the next chapter.
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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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I wasn't expecting that. I was surprised the swap was taking place and I thought the dog would attack but I didn't expect the bullet to do so much damage that it would be a three month recovery and I near death experience as well Nicely written. I look forward to the next chapter.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments. I don?t think anyone was expecting this. I try to keep it interesting and moving along quickly. Sending along way very best as always,
Sally XOs
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is not at all good, at least you didn't leave us not knowing if Sally will be all right. We know she's alive. That's really good. I enjoyed reading.
Lieutenant Jean-Baptiste had his gun drawn and remained next to me behind the truck's door. "Here comes our man." (remained beside me)
"Sheriff Henry pleaded, "I will take her place! What do you say?" He threw aside his guns and presented himself. (omit beginning quotation mark)
"We're prepared to give you a car and ...." The man snapped before Captain Moran finished. "I don't want a car! Give me Detective Law and a *%#! copter right now!" (Two dialogues here, they need to be separated)
"I'm a black belt in aikido, and my dog, King, is a canine officer, watching and waiting to help. "He's already in position." (Quotation mark before 'He's needs to be omitted.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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This is not at all good, at least you didn't leave us not knowing if Sally will be all right. We know she's alive. That's really good. I enjoyed reading.
Lieutenant Jean-Baptiste had his gun drawn and remained next to me behind the truck's door. "Here comes our man." (remained beside me)
"Sheriff Henry pleaded, "I will take her place! What do you say?" He threw aside his guns and presented himself. (omit beginning quotation mark)
"We're prepared to give you a car and ...." The man snapped before Captain Moran finished. "I don't want a car! Give me Detective Law and a *%#! copter right now!" (Two dialogues here, they need to be separated)
"I'm a black belt in aikido, and my dog, King, is a canine officer, watching and waiting to help. "He's already in position." (Quotation mark before 'He's needs to be omitted.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the helpful critique. I should know not to move things around at the last minute with my eyesight. Thank you so much! Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
