Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 17"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
22 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This is another great chapter. It moved your story along quite nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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This is another great chapter. It moved your story along quite nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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I'll just say thank you for catching up with all of them. It takes a lot of time and I truly appreciate it. Hope you enjoy the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Sigh of relief... Cassidy is not in surgery or gravely injured. Not physically anyway! Allie apparently took less of a beating than I thought. I am trying to imagine which of those prison guards (or also planted prisoners?) were actually back up agents. SO glad Allie has disclosed to Cassidy the truth about her being undercover. Equally glad Cassidy's mother has been whisked away and is no longer (for the moment) at the mercy of Mason's threats to do her harm. Cassidy knows a whole lot more about all of this than I'd first imagined. (Gives her character more dimension!)--Her expose' should lead us to a better understanding of how all of these crimes intersect. It's clear Allie wont' be going back to prison...now can't wait until you show us how you're going to keep Cassidy out of there as well!--I did a lot of reading today. My mind is whirling and I'm caught up in the drama and mystery of your write. I'd buy this book. Absolutely.-- Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Sigh of relief... Cassidy is not in surgery or gravely injured. Not physically anyway! Allie apparently took less of a beating than I thought. I am trying to imagine which of those prison guards (or also planted prisoners?) were actually back up agents. SO glad Allie has disclosed to Cassidy the truth about her being undercover. Equally glad Cassidy's mother has been whisked away and is no longer (for the moment) at the mercy of Mason's threats to do her harm. Cassidy knows a whole lot more about all of this than I'd first imagined. (Gives her character more dimension!)--Her expose' should lead us to a better understanding of how all of these crimes intersect. It's clear Allie wont' be going back to prison...now can't wait until you show us how you're going to keep Cassidy out of there as well!--I did a lot of reading today. My mind is whirling and I'm caught up in the drama and mystery of your write. I'd buy this book. Absolutely.-- Karenina
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Well, then, I guess I know I'll have three books officially purchased, you, Sandra, and me! What more could I ask for....
You've sincerely made my day. I was more excited about your thoughts and reviews than I was about anything else...
What out for the bad guys.... they are tricky.
If you see blatant mistakes (not spag) but errors in how I say things happen, please please tell me. I've been told I make things happen that couldn't possibly so steer me straight.
Love you...
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If that happens I will private message you. It's respect. No worries.
Karenina
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is such an important chapter. Telling Cassidy about being an undercover agent for Garth, garners such a deep sense of gratitude in Cassidy. Her willingness to help is secured. Now that everyone is up to speed about what's going on, the truth should set the stage.
Ralf
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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This is such an important chapter. Telling Cassidy about being an undercover agent for Garth, garners such a deep sense of gratitude in Cassidy. Her willingness to help is secured. Now that everyone is up to speed about what's going on, the truth should set the stage.
Ralf
Comment Written 17-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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the truth shall set us free...unless the snake in the grass tries to mess it all up again. LOL thanks for the review, Ralf. Awesome!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
What a relief, to know that these two ladies are safe, and in good hands, even though it's terrible that they're beaten and bruised up, so badly. I'm not sure who the other agents are, who Garth is referring to -- obviously, FBI, but we don't have any specifics about what went on regarding them.
Some errors and suggestions:
"And before you choke on your curiosity, the is Liz McKinley.
-->
"And before you choke on your curiosity, this is Liz McKinley.
"No" Allie shook her head ...
-->
"No," Allie shook her head ...
Michael - realtor and Cynthia's nephew
-->
Michael - Realtor and Cynthia's nephew [Realtor is a registered trademark]
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It's also a relief that Cassidy's mother is in good hands. As for Jonathan, I guess we'll find out which way things will turn out, for him.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021
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What a relief, to know that these two ladies are safe, and in good hands, even though it's terrible that they're beaten and bruised up, so badly. I'm not sure who the other agents are, who Garth is referring to -- obviously, FBI, but we don't have any specifics about what went on regarding them.
Some errors and suggestions:
"And before you choke on your curiosity, the is Liz McKinley.
-->
"And before you choke on your curiosity, this is Liz McKinley.
"No" Allie shook her head ...
-->
"No," Allie shook her head ...
Michael - realtor and Cynthia's nephew
-->
Michael - Realtor and Cynthia's nephew [Realtor is a registered trademark]
***
It's also a relief that Cassidy's mother is in good hands. As for Jonathan, I guess we'll find out which way things will turn out, for him.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2021
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Mary Kay,
I have no idea how one keeps up with all the requirements on this site...writing, reading, reviewing, answering replies, etc. I feel like I am drowning or need a clone for sure. My apologies in the delay. I am thrilled that you continue to read and assist in my goofs.
Smiles, Carol
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I know where you can get a clone, at a discount rate! - SMILE -
You're very welcome. God bless you, my friend. Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Carol Clark2
So much has happened here. Allie seems to have recovered much faster than Cassidy, but I'm glad both women will, hopefully, be OK. Looking forward to the information Cassidy has to share. Good chapter!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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So much has happened here. Allie seems to have recovered much faster than Cassidy, but I'm glad both women will, hopefully, be OK. Looking forward to the information Cassidy has to share. Good chapter!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Allie fought back so she didn't get stabbed as much like Cassidy and it was Cassidy they wanted dead.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from ShirleyT1
Another well-written chapter of this great story. You have created such great characters, each with individual personalities that follow form in every chapter. An enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Another well-written chapter of this great story. You have created such great characters, each with individual personalities that follow form in every chapter. An enjoyable read!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Thanks Shirley....I am thrilled that you are enjoying my story and can relate to some of the characters. I appreciate the review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Hooray! Allie and Cassidy are going to be okay. And how did Garth know to move Cassidy's mother? And if he did, wouldn't Mason get suspicious that he doesn't have that threat over Cassidy anymore?
Comments:
curiosity, the is Liz McKinley. (this is?)
No" Allie shook her head and then wished she hadn't. (period after 'No')
Garth transferred your Mom (Is this Allie talking? And would Cassidy know that Garth=Jeremy?)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Hooray! Allie and Cassidy are going to be okay. And how did Garth know to move Cassidy's mother? And if he did, wouldn't Mason get suspicious that he doesn't have that threat over Cassidy anymore?
Comments:
curiosity, the is Liz McKinley. (this is?)
No" Allie shook her head and then wished she hadn't. (period after 'No')
Garth transferred your Mom (Is this Allie talking? And would Cassidy know that Garth=Jeremy?)
Comment Written 04-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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Good catch on the Garth and Jeremy... I wanted him to keep his identity secret but since she will end up at Liz's where he's known as Garth...I gues I should just let it go as Garth.
As for her mother...Mason is about to retaliate!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I am slowly getting the hang of this story as I have missed earlier chapters I like this chapter as many things appear to be happening here! I!! Glad to see no violence or loss of life. The dialogues move the story forward. Interesting chapter.!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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I am slowly getting the hang of this story as I have missed earlier chapters I like this chapter as many things appear to be happening here! I!! Glad to see no violence or loss of life. The dialogues move the story forward. Interesting chapter.!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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You'll find all kinds of twists and turns in my stories...I like to keep the reader guessing and there is always more than one plat happening.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmt1967
(He had a set time to talk with Allie. Her not being there for his call was a reason for his blood pressure to rise. ) This is very telling. Try to refrain from using words like 'was' as it tends to change a showing scene to a telling scene. (He glanced at his watch. Why didn't she answer the phone when he called?)
"Like hell they do! Not with my people. I gotta go!" He ended the call and raced across the patio toward the house, (yelling for Hank and Liz.)
("Hank... Liz.") This is overkill. (either one) or (either the other) You don't need both.
His southern tan (had) paled. "I know, Liz. Don't think I don't know." Try to refrain from using words like 'had' as it makes the scene very telling. (delete)
(Remembering that fateful morning brought a smile to Garth's face and a bit of warmth to his face.) Again, telling and repetitive. (He smiled and his eyes shone as he remembered that fateful morning.)
A good first draft and thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2021
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(He had a set time to talk with Allie. Her not being there for his call was a reason for his blood pressure to rise. ) This is very telling. Try to refrain from using words like 'was' as it tends to change a showing scene to a telling scene. (He glanced at his watch. Why didn't she answer the phone when he called?)
"Like hell they do! Not with my people. I gotta go!" He ended the call and raced across the patio toward the house, (yelling for Hank and Liz.)
("Hank... Liz.") This is overkill. (either one) or (either the other) You don't need both.
His southern tan (had) paled. "I know, Liz. Don't think I don't know." Try to refrain from using words like 'had' as it makes the scene very telling. (delete)
(Remembering that fateful morning brought a smile to Garth's face and a bit of warmth to his face.) Again, telling and repetitive. (He smiled and his eyes shone as he remembered that fateful morning.)
A good first draft and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2021
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good morning...
You said I should write..... (He glanced at his watch. Why didn't she answer the phone when he called?) But she can't answer because she is in prison... the dispatcher/secretary has answered but she's looking for the warden.
I used the dialogue ("Hank... Liz.") because some said without it I was telling not showing. so I guess I remove the first part. Everything else is corrected I do believe.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
I'm glad that Cassidy and Ali are okay. Maybe things will start happening once Cassidy starts talking. Mason deserves everything he gets. Jon is in over his head too. It will be interesting to find out who beat up the girls. Another good chapter!
Patty
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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I'm glad that Cassidy and Ali are okay. Maybe things will start happening once Cassidy starts talking. Mason deserves everything he gets. Jon is in over his head too. It will be interesting to find out who beat up the girls. Another good chapter!
Patty
Comment Written 04-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2021
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I'd guess Mason was definitely behind it. He wanted Cassidy to shut up or be dead.
Smiles, Carol