Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Your contest entry is beautiful, Debra. I love the picture. Your few words/syllables describe it perfectly. The end rhymes work well. I would write the word blessed in your poem like you did in the notes. I don't hear the rhyme in the second line.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Hello Jan :)
Thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate it, along with your suggestion.

The internal rhyme is subtle - it's hiding!
'Spectacul (ar) sunrise -
So blessed (are) my eyes.'

Best wishes as always, Debra :)

reply by Jannypan (Jan) on 30-Jul-2021

😊

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

At Daybreak
by Debra White

Beautiful poem about the sunrise. Nice presentation and imagery.

The rules of the two line poem for this contest is international and ending rhymes. I don't see them in your poem. Check it out. I don't want you to get disqualified.

Spectacular sunrise -
So blessed are my eyes.

Good luck in the contest.

Gypsy hugs

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Hi Gypsy :)
Thanks for your feedback and glad you enjoyed the poem.
I included both internal and end rhymes in my entry - shown in brackets/parenthesis below :)

Spectacul (ar) sun(rise) -
So blessed (are) my (eyes).

Best wishes, Debra x

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Wow - at first I thought this lacked internal rhyme then realized ARE and Spectacular work fine as a slant rhyme. Very inventive and delightful consonance of S makes it musical too. Good swift flow. Fine presentation. Great theme. This is original and a strong entry. Good luck!

 Comment Written 30-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Thank you so much, rd. I always appreciate your thoughtful comments :)
Best wishes, Debra

reply by rama devi on 30-Jul-2021

:-))

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Great job with your essence poem! I thought it was clever of you to rhyme a long word like spectacular with the short word "are" for your internal rhymes. Best wishes in the contest!!

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Thank you so much, Helen :)
Best wishes as always, Debra x

Comment from Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent

Delightful--unexpected phrasing in the second line gives this a startling twist. Spot-on title for the theme--wise of you to make use of that free space--most overlook title.

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Thanks for your great feedback, Liz, much appreciated :)
Best wishes as always, Debra

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This is a great entry in this contest, the only problem is there's no internal rhyme, so it might not stand as an entry, unless of course spectacul(ar) and are do the the trick, well done, blessings and good luck, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Hi Roy,
Thank you for your feedback.
'Spectacul(ar)' and 'are' ARE my internal rhyme! The end sound of 'spectacular' falls in the same place in the first line as 'are' does in the second line.
Best wishes, Debra :)

reply by royowen on 30-Jul-2021

I thought so

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

We must appreciate these scenes as they are momentary and filled with joy and you brought the moment to life here Debra, a fine write, a joy to read, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Thank you, Dolly, for your lovely feedback. Best wishes, Debra x

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

WOW! This is fantastic, and how seamlessly you wove your internal rhymes, as to be barely discernable, but absolutely present ... to carry forward your motif, of a spectacular sunrise.

Perfectly written and presented and a real treat.

Wishing you great luck with the committee with gem. :))

Gloria

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Hi Gloria :)
Thank you so much for your feedback.
Your comments never fail to warm me - you're so kind!
Sending you my best wishes as always.
Love, Debra x

Comment from Cybertron1986

Excellent

I love the humbleness this piece sparks in my mind. There is a sense of humility and appreciation that returns me to a time when I had the luxury to take a step back from life and watch nature awe me with a beautiful sunset. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021

Thank you so much for your lovely feedback.
I appreciate it :)
Best wishes, Debra

Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

What a gorgeous essence poem in two lines! A beautiful sunrise is always poem worthy. I wish you all the best with this one. Sending you my best today as always and blessings for the approching vote,
Sal XOs...

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021

Thank you so much Sal :)
Sending lots of love, Debra xx