Slow motion
Senryu4 total reviews
Comment from angel123
I enjoyed reading your well-written poem and your message is profoundly true. Your artwork choice compliments your message and good use of alliteration of t letters and sounds in your opening sentence. Best wishes!
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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I enjoyed reading your well-written poem and your message is profoundly true. Your artwork choice compliments your message and good use of alliteration of t letters and sounds in your opening sentence. Best wishes!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Great review zanya
Comment from Aiona
This is a nice senryu, about a not-nice topic. It follows the 5-7-5 syllable format, and definitely concerns universal human emotions. It doesn't appear to have any rhyme. Well done! The title "Slow Motion," however, seems to belong to a different poem, as this senryu seeems to be more about erosion or corrosion of a static relationship than a moving one.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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This is a nice senryu, about a not-nice topic. It follows the 5-7-5 syllable format, and definitely concerns universal human emotions. It doesn't appear to have any rhyme. Well done! The title "Slow Motion," however, seems to belong to a different poem, as this senryu seeems to be more about erosion or corrosion of a static relationship than a moving one.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Thanks for reviewing zanya
Comment from Pantygynt
I liked the thought behind this but as it is written does not quite meet the requirements of senryu which, outside the rules for this writing prompt, does not have to follow the 5-7-5 format and as long as it follows the short long short shape and totals 17 syllables or fewer. Like the haiku it needs a satori and a kareji or cutting word.
Trust corrodes would make a fine satori but then you are supposed to have five syllables, which should not really be a requirement.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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I liked the thought behind this but as it is written does not quite meet the requirements of senryu which, outside the rules for this writing prompt, does not have to follow the 5-7-5 format and as long as it follows the short long short shape and totals 17 syllables or fewer. Like the haiku it needs a satori and a kareji or cutting word.
Trust corrodes would make a fine satori but then you are supposed to have five syllables, which should not really be a requirement.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Thanks for taking time to read and an informative reveiw zanya
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Envy is a sin and your well chosen words here spell out the horror of jealousy and how destructive it can be, a clever Senryu and I with you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Envy is a sin and your well chosen words here spell out the horror of jealousy and how destructive it can be, a clever Senryu and I with you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Great reveiw zanya
