Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 9"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Oh my.... Miguel is now going on my list of shady characters...along with that priest and Cynthia. Like all fine mystery authors you are strewing the path with many suspicious characters! Just when I think I have a handle on it, up pops another! (Good job!) So Allie. Superb idea to have her go undercover into prison. Lots of meaty action there, to be sure! I can't help it---Hank and Garth are old familiar characters and I enjoy their separate styles and banter! Another thought...Daryl Pennington. He's a smidge TOO ambitious for my taste! Oh no! My list is growing longer!--Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Oh my.... Miguel is now going on my list of shady characters...along with that priest and Cynthia. Like all fine mystery authors you are strewing the path with many suspicious characters! Just when I think I have a handle on it, up pops another! (Good job!) So Allie. Superb idea to have her go undercover into prison. Lots of meaty action there, to be sure! I can't help it---Hank and Garth are old familiar characters and I enjoy their separate styles and banter! Another thought...Daryl Pennington. He's a smidge TOO ambitious for my taste! Oh no! My list is growing longer!--Karenina
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I love those creepy ones as long as I can make them go where i want them to be....not behind my back. LOL
Darryl has a dark past and he wants to succeed. You'll be guessing about him for a while.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is getting more and more interesting, and now Jeremy has revealed to Allie that he's also Garth, the FBI agent. And she wants to go to jail undercover, wow! But what secret could be so important to Cassidy that it's worth a murder conviction and prison sentence?
Minor errors and suggestions:
The investigation of one crime leads to another and so many other secrets in the wind.
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The investigation of one crime leads to another and so many other secrets are in the wind.
"No, strangers allowed. Only the migrants that pick the grapes."
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"No strangers allowed! Only the migrants that pick the grapes."
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I'm a little confused, someone named Amanda was mentioned, but I don't remember who she is.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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This is getting more and more interesting, and now Jeremy has revealed to Allie that he's also Garth, the FBI agent. And she wants to go to jail undercover, wow! But what secret could be so important to Cassidy that it's worth a murder conviction and prison sentence?
Minor errors and suggestions:
The investigation of one crime leads to another and so many other secrets in the wind.
-->
The investigation of one crime leads to another and so many other secrets are in the wind.
"No, strangers allowed. Only the migrants that pick the grapes."
-->
"No strangers allowed! Only the migrants that pick the grapes."
***
I'm a little confused, someone named Amanda was mentioned, but I don't remember who she is.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Amanda was the "surprise witness" in the last sequel that solved the crime when she finally opened up... That's why Hank mentions their last case.
Thanks for following and for the suggestions.
P.S. The only reason you don't see many exclamation marks in my writing because I've read from many publishers that they preferred the story to carry the emotions and not the punctuation...they don't want those !!! Also, Bob Mastery used to jump me for them all the time. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. Thanks for explaining about Amanda.
I've heard about the recent damper on exclamation points, and I agree that they shouldn't be abused, but there's a reason why they exist in our language. When something is obviously being shouted or said very forcefully, I see no reason why they shouldn't be used, but if your publisher is going to take them out, then do whatever you feel is best. Bob (with all due respect and God rest his soul) and I once had it out on the subject of adverbs, and he finally agreed that there are still exceptions where they can be used. I think the same is true of exclamation points. You can't have a character shout, "Help. I'm falling," without using an exclamation point, can you?
As I said, do whatever you think is best. If I ever get to the point of publishing a book, I'll let you know what happens, on my end!
Love and blessings, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from eliz100
This is another great installment that moves your story along very nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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This is another great installment that moves your story along very nicely. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Thank you again for continuing to read and enjoy the story.
Smiles and much appreciation, Carol
Comment from justafan
It pains me to only have a 5 star to leave you. I absolutely love reading your work.
I noticed a 4 star and even with the corrections he posted he should have offered to upgrade when you had made the necessary corrections(if you so chose).
My first story I posted, Sara Smiles I was told by one reviewer I needed to go back to school and learn English grammar. I say pffft!
Brilliant chapter
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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It pains me to only have a 5 star to leave you. I absolutely love reading your work.
I noticed a 4 star and even with the corrections he posted he should have offered to upgrade when you had made the necessary corrections(if you so chose).
My first story I posted, Sara Smiles I was told by one reviewer I needed to go back to school and learn English grammar. I say pffft!
Brilliant chapter
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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thanks Missy... I have a couple who tend to downplay my stories...as if it was a competition so people would only enjoy their work. Crazy! i am thrilled when someone loves my work...if not, that's their choice. Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Backatcha sugga
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I like Allie, she's what I'd like to be like, tough and daring! I am a bit, but not to the extent of going undercover in prison!! LOL. I did confront some Hell's Angels once who were being right asses, and got the job done!
Now to read on! Another wonderful part, my clever, talented friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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I like Allie, she's what I'd like to be like, tough and daring! I am a bit, but not to the extent of going undercover in prison!! LOL. I did confront some Hell's Angels once who were being right asses, and got the job done!
Now to read on! Another wonderful part, my clever, talented friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you, Sandra...
I like Allie too. She's spunky and a fighter. I draw a bit of her character from myself, but you are right... I would not be brave enough to think of entering prison. I went once to visit someone and when the iron gates closed with a loud clank... I thought my heart was going to explode. And you...Hell's Angels no less. Braveheart!
Smiles and hugs, Carol (I'm working diligently on the next chapter)
Comment from dmt1967
(Darryl had heard the commotion and came from the winery to see what was happening. Allie joined him at the edge of the row, and they trotted down the pathway. ) This is very telling. Try to refrain from using words like 'had' and 'was' as they are passive and telling words. (Darryl heard a noise outside the winery and ventured outside to investigate.)
Her melancholy mood fled as she remembered the reason for the walk.) Again telling. Show her mood. (Allie sighed and turned towards the two men with a frown as she remembered the reason for the walk.)
"I understand. When do I go? What's my cover?" (Allie was champing at the bit.) Again, your dialogue shows her excitement. The action tag only echoes this. Either (delete) or (Allie jumped up and down.)
This is a good chapter, it just needs tightening up a bit. Thank you for sharing and take care.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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(Darryl had heard the commotion and came from the winery to see what was happening. Allie joined him at the edge of the row, and they trotted down the pathway. ) This is very telling. Try to refrain from using words like 'had' and 'was' as they are passive and telling words. (Darryl heard a noise outside the winery and ventured outside to investigate.)
Her melancholy mood fled as she remembered the reason for the walk.) Again telling. Show her mood. (Allie sighed and turned towards the two men with a frown as she remembered the reason for the walk.)
"I understand. When do I go? What's my cover?" (Allie was champing at the bit.) Again, your dialogue shows her excitement. The action tag only echoes this. Either (delete) or (Allie jumped up and down.)
This is a good chapter, it just needs tightening up a bit. Thank you for sharing and take care.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Sorry, it took me so long to get back to the review. I wanted a time when I wasn't rushed to read and understand what you were telling me. I believe I have corrected the errors. Thank you for your suggestions. Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
I like how things are moving along. I was hoping that Hank and Garth would have some more information about Miguel. Guessing that he has more to do with Jack's death. Allie is a fireball. Will she be able to go undercover in the women's prison. What a gal!
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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I like how things are moving along. I was hoping that Hank and Garth would have some more information about Miguel. Guessing that he has more to do with Jack's death. Allie is a fireball. Will she be able to go undercover in the women's prison. What a gal!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hi, Helen
Got your attention with all these twists and turns. That makes me very happy that you are interested and finding enjoyment.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Another great read. Just wondering about Beth, and if that is Liz? Miguel is certainly not a clean character. Garth has already allowed his friend to blow his cover but if he was working undercover, there should not be too many who know that - but Allie does now, and that could spell danger for her, especially if she goes into the prison. Normally the FBI would not use an unknown person not in the FBI to go into the prison would they?
Nevertheless, an intriguing story.
Wendy
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Another great read. Just wondering about Beth, and if that is Liz? Miguel is certainly not a clean character. Garth has already allowed his friend to blow his cover but if he was working undercover, there should not be too many who know that - but Allie does now, and that could spell danger for her, especially if she goes into the prison. Normally the FBI would not use an unknown person not in the FBI to go into the prison would they?
Nevertheless, an intriguing story.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Oh, sorry, Wendy... That's why Hank referred to their last case... Beth was one of the main victims in my last sequel... Yes, Eager beaver Allie might bite off more than she can swallow... Garth (Jeremy) is the number one agent and has a direct pipeline to the Director so I believe his judgment will be trusted. though Allie will be playing with dynamite for sure.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Miguel's mistake in thinking Hank and Garth should not be there then the conflab between Daryl, Allie, Hank, and Garth. Now that Allie is in on the
story there are some far-out plans to use her as an undercover in another case. We shall see. Sounds like a good plan.
Ralf
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Miguel's mistake in thinking Hank and Garth should not be there then the conflab between Daryl, Allie, Hank, and Garth. Now that Allie is in on the
story there are some far-out plans to use her as an undercover in another case. We shall see. Sounds like a good plan.
Ralf
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hi, Ralf...
I think Garth will use his connections to get Allie able to go undercover when they learn Cassidy's life is in danger... At least that's how I hope it works out. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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If you hope, then it will.
Ralf
Comment from BethShelby
I was surprised that Garth was willing to allow is idenity to be known. I guess Allie doesn't take no for an answer. It was interesting that you mentioned names for the other books which Hank and Garth worked together on. I'm sure Allie will be perfect for the undercover prisoner usless there are some in prison who already know who is she is. I'm anxious for the next story.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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I was surprised that Garth was willing to allow is idenity to be known. I guess Allie doesn't take no for an answer. It was interesting that you mentioned names for the other books which Hank and Garth worked together on. I'm sure Allie will be perfect for the undercover prisoner usless there are some in prison who already know who is she is. I'm anxious for the next story.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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It's going to be a mixed bag for sure. since Garth is the FBIs number one agent, I believe the Director will unwillingly give him his way...but Allie will most definitely be in danger.
Smiles, Carol