Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Betrayal Chapter 41"In the title.
38 total reviews
Comment from DSchlosser
A bit slower of a chapter on this one. Obviously, they couldn't leave the dog behind if they were leaving the island though. I wouldn't want to stick around after a hurricane myself. No errors that I could find in this one. I thought I spotted some words misspelled but double checked everything and it was all good to go.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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A bit slower of a chapter on this one. Obviously, they couldn't leave the dog behind if they were leaving the island though. I wouldn't want to stick around after a hurricane myself. No errors that I could find in this one. I thought I spotted some words misspelled but double checked everything and it was all good to go.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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Thanks, David. I do enjoy reading your thoughts on my chapters. Some have made me laugh, others have made me rethink something. You're a great reviewer. Some of our spellings are different. I've started noticing differences in novels I'm reading from American authors. Something I'd not noticed before. I expect they find it with English authors. It doesn't make their novels any the less appealing though. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Sankey
This is all great reading. as was the previous chapter I missed before. Somehow we have to keep in touch so I can follow your stuff with better timing. I already mentioned how I will have more time for your stuff from now on. Cheers, no spags.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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This is all great reading. as was the previous chapter I missed before. Somehow we have to keep in touch so I can follow your stuff with better timing. I already mentioned how I will have more time for your stuff from now on. Cheers, no spags.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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That is lovely, thank you, Sankey. you'll see from my last reply that this book is coming to an end, but another is forming in my head. It will be lovely to have you on board for that one. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
Sorry, I did not get to this sooner; however, my SOL classes are 4.5 hours long every day and run from 7:30 a.m. - 12:00 noon every morning. I teach bell-to-bell so I am totally exhausted by the time I get home every day. Loved this chapter.
Jan
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Sandra:
Sorry, I did not get to this sooner; however, my SOL classes are 4.5 hours long every day and run from 7:30 a.m. - 12:00 noon every morning. I teach bell-to-bell so I am totally exhausted by the time I get home every day. Loved this chapter.
Jan
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Hi Jan, not to worry, we all have real lives to tend to, and they take priority. I'm just glad you enjoyed this part, and thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to read and review. I do appreciate it immensely. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from dmt1967
(Grant and Tania had sat talking through the night. He'd been mortified when she told him he was doing exactly the same with Lorna as he'd done to her. The worst part was realising she'd been right. In the cold light of day, he'd known without any doubt that it wasn't Lorna, and felt the shame keenly for even allowing the thought to fester. It was then he realised he carried a lot of toxic baggage that needed to be sorted.) This is very telling as a start hook, in my opinion. My opinion is it would be more showy and convey the emotion the two must have felt as dialogue. For example, Tania remembered the conversation last night.../ "I'm not Lorna," she cried. "I would never treat you like she did." Tear ran down her cheek and she turned her face away. "So, why do you treat me like her?"/ Grant grabbed her and spun her round. He cupped her face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, my love," he whispered. "She hurt me so much. But I never wanted to make you unhappy and I didn't realise that was how I was treating you." He bent down and kissed both her cheeks in turn.) See what I mean.
A comfortable silence (had) settled between them, leaving both content to sit and watch the sun ease away the last remnants of night, creating a vivid display of fiery reds and burnt oranges (that welcomed the beginnings of the new day.) 'Had' is a very telling work. Children like to be told stuff but adults, in my opinion, love to be shown. (delete) (bringing in a new day.)
'What? Oh, um, yes.' Tania laughed (and) grabbed hold of Monica's arms and danced her around in the room. (. She)
(Now, that, thought Tania, sounds good to me!) If you put her thought in italics, the reader will know it is hers and you wont need the tag.
This is another good chapter. I need to catch up lol. It has been a hectic few weeks. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are well.
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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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(Grant and Tania had sat talking through the night. He'd been mortified when she told him he was doing exactly the same with Lorna as he'd done to her. The worst part was realising she'd been right. In the cold light of day, he'd known without any doubt that it wasn't Lorna, and felt the shame keenly for even allowing the thought to fester. It was then he realised he carried a lot of toxic baggage that needed to be sorted.) This is very telling as a start hook, in my opinion. My opinion is it would be more showy and convey the emotion the two must have felt as dialogue. For example, Tania remembered the conversation last night.../ "I'm not Lorna," she cried. "I would never treat you like she did." Tear ran down her cheek and she turned her face away. "So, why do you treat me like her?"/ Grant grabbed her and spun her round. He cupped her face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, my love," he whispered. "She hurt me so much. But I never wanted to make you unhappy and I didn't realise that was how I was treating you." He bent down and kissed both her cheeks in turn.) See what I mean.
A comfortable silence (had) settled between them, leaving both content to sit and watch the sun ease away the last remnants of night, creating a vivid display of fiery reds and burnt oranges (that welcomed the beginnings of the new day.) 'Had' is a very telling work. Children like to be told stuff but adults, in my opinion, love to be shown. (delete) (bringing in a new day.)
'What? Oh, um, yes.' Tania laughed (and) grabbed hold of Monica's arms and danced her around in the room. (. She)
(Now, that, thought Tania, sounds good to me!) If you put her thought in italics, the reader will know it is hers and you wont need the tag.
This is another good chapter. I need to catch up lol. It has been a hectic few weeks. Thank you for sharing and I hope you are well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hi Jackie, thanks for this. I'll look at my opening part, but it would be strange if I used your suggestions because Lorna is a partner in his company, and treated Grant like a son when his own mother walked out on him when he was 2 years old. Lorna is in her late 50s. Tania was defending her against the villain, Rapier. Reading that first paragrath is nothing like what it's about. But I do agree, it could be worked on.
I'm really glad you enjoyed this part, only 2 chapters to go now!! Then I start the big edit and sort out the new book I'm already drafting out. Have a lovely day, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, OK twinkle cakes...that still doesn't tell
me who the informer is...just that Rapier is caught now...
and how he got there...and he may go to the slammer...
but who ratted where they were???...can't be one of his buds...maybe Margaret...she's only been with him a couple
years...jealous of Tania...hmmmmm...
and I knew Grant would help the dog...he's just that kind of guy...
you think you'll figure it out the informer before the book goes up for sale???...OK next...
another awesome chapter you...you diffidently leave the reader wanting more...like who the hail is the informer...
I love this story...sooooo very well written sweet girl...
so much love coming your way...Linda xxoo
I watched your video...I'm so proud of you...and so happy Tom asked you to do that...he did good..and you did awesome...your a movie star...I know a movie star...
I'm all tingly inside...CONGRATULATIONS my amazing friend...
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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HI Sandra, OK twinkle cakes...that still doesn't tell
me who the informer is...just that Rapier is caught now...
and how he got there...and he may go to the slammer...
but who ratted where they were???...can't be one of his buds...maybe Margaret...she's only been with him a couple
years...jealous of Tania...hmmmmm...
and I knew Grant would help the dog...he's just that kind of guy...
you think you'll figure it out the informer before the book goes up for sale???...OK next...
another awesome chapter you...you diffidently leave the reader wanting more...like who the hail is the informer...
I love this story...sooooo very well written sweet girl...
so much love coming your way...Linda xxoo
I watched your video...I'm so proud of you...and so happy Tom asked you to do that...he did good..and you did awesome...your a movie star...I know a movie star...
I'm all tingly inside...CONGRATULATIONS my amazing friend...
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Aw, bless your lovely heart, thank you, dear Linda. It was funny listening to the testimonial I wrote, spokem by a lady with an American accent, but I couldn't be happier that Tom chose me. What a lovely thing to happen to me! It's been a crazy, wonderful year so far. Now to win the lottery, or someone see my books that Tom has featured and want to turn them into films! Now, wouldn't that be something!!
Thank you for another fabulous review, dear lady, you will be getting a big hint in the next part where the leak came from. Lol! I do like to keep you hanging! Thanks you and a humongous hug for that dazzling sixth star, I have my sun glasses on!! Lol. Love you lots my dear friend. I hope you're doing fine and managing to keep that smile from fading. It helps so many people to see and hear that lovely bright smile. Alway sending hugs, prayers and love your way. :)) Sandra xxxxxxx
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that would be awesome...I can just see your name in lights...on the billboard in front of the movie theater...staring Sandra Mitchell...in...The Informer...(in small print)...look for the hint...
now that would be something...and most likely the only way I will find out who it is...
and you my amazing friend are so very welcome...I soooooo love your replies...
always make me smile biggest...
I'm doing fine...their working on my house...finally...yeah...
big smiles back at you...love you to the moon you are always jumping over...xxoo
Comment from write hand blue
Hi Sandra, you keep to the details of your story. The details of your characters jump out to me as true. Realism, that defining factor is often lost in the mist of whatever. Best of luck... ~mel~
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hi Sandra, you keep to the details of your story. The details of your characters jump out to me as true. Realism, that defining factor is often lost in the mist of whatever. Best of luck... ~mel~
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hi Mel, thank you so much for coming along and reading this part. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Have a wonderful day! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
Another great chapter, Sandra. You covered so much ground, my eyes were chasing down the screen to find out what would happen next. If I were Tania, I would have died and gone to heaven. Rich, considerate (adopting a stray dog is tops in my book) handsome, and to top it all, a wonderful lover who makes breakfast - what more could any woman want?
I look forward to seeing what happens when they get back to London - I think. No doubt you will have a few surprises up your sleeve!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Another great chapter, Sandra. You covered so much ground, my eyes were chasing down the screen to find out what would happen next. If I were Tania, I would have died and gone to heaven. Rich, considerate (adopting a stray dog is tops in my book) handsome, and to top it all, a wonderful lover who makes breakfast - what more could any woman want?
I look forward to seeing what happens when they get back to London - I think. No doubt you will have a few surprises up your sleeve!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much, Alexis, I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Of course, Grant is lovely, he's my hero!!! Lol. Now his step-brother, he's something else entirely. Sending you a big hug, my friend! Love and hugs. Sandra xxxxx
Comment from MAMONIA
Very enjoyable story you've written here. It kept my interest all the way through. I have to confess, I usually just like the poetry on this site, but I am leaning more toward stories and chapters of books.
It's been a long ride for me as well on Fanstory. I began in 2011 and left after five years and are now returning.
I see that I missed a lot and am happy to have found you and your story. Very well done.
My best,
Marie
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Very enjoyable story you've written here. It kept my interest all the way through. I have to confess, I usually just like the poetry on this site, but I am leaning more toward stories and chapters of books.
It's been a long ride for me as well on Fanstory. I began in 2011 and left after five years and are now returning.
I see that I missed a lot and am happy to have found you and your story. Very well done.
My best,
Marie
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Hi Marie, I joined in 2011 as well. And back in the day I only wrote poetry, I never dared think of writing prose. Not until a contest came up and I won. Funny how life changes. I'm almost at the end of this book now, and my next one is spinning around in my head wanting to come out, lol. Thank you so much for reading this part, it says a lot that you can come in and enjoy it at this point, so a big thank you for that. I'll be checking out your profile now. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xxx
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Good luck to you, always.
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Thank you! xx
Comment from tfawcus
Now we know how Rapier arrived on the island but we still don't know who spilt the beans! It looks as though they have him suitably trussed up, but I have a nasty feeling his part is not yet over.
I thought this chapter was well-paced as a follow-up to the high drama preceding it.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Now we know how Rapier arrived on the island but we still don't know who spilt the beans! It looks as though they have him suitably trussed up, but I have a nasty feeling his part is not yet over.
I thought this chapter was well-paced as a follow-up to the high drama preceding it.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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You'll know very soon, Tony. I'm closing in now, just a few people to get sorted, and some ends tied up. It seems to have been a long road, I think it's because my chapters are sooooo long. Lol Thank you so much for another lovely review, and for that golden sixth star. I've appreciated all your comments over the weeks and months. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra
There are certainly some interesting twists in this chapter. Tania goes to the Caribbean to escape danger and she returns with a man and a dog. She appears to have laid claim to both of them.
She also returned with a criminal in the plane as well. Of course that was unanticipated by her and everyone else. Now it seems there will have to be a reckoning concerning Rapier and the Bahamians. That certainly came as quite a surprise in the story so now we shall March on.
Robert
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Hello Sandra
There are certainly some interesting twists in this chapter. Tania goes to the Caribbean to escape danger and she returns with a man and a dog. She appears to have laid claim to both of them.
She also returned with a criminal in the plane as well. Of course that was unanticipated by her and everyone else. Now it seems there will have to be a reckoning concerning Rapier and the Bahamians. That certainly came as quite a surprise in the story so now we shall March on.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Rapier has cooked his goose now whichever way things go for him. I'm getting close to the end now, it seems to have been a long journey from that time Tania was splashed by Grant's car. Thank you for being with me all the way, my friend. I've enjoyed your reviews and guesses. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
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You're welcome.