Jesus Comes
The nativity told in my words and view15 total reviews
Comment from Anne Johnston
You have told this story very well, a little different from the Bible version, yet sharing the most important truth about that night - that Jesus Christ, the Saviour of mankind was born, to fulfill God's plan.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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You have told this story very well, a little different from the Bible version, yet sharing the most important truth about that night - that Jesus Christ, the Saviour of mankind was born, to fulfill God's plan.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and review. I like to change old stories with a new twist.
RikkiLXVI
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You are welcome
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Thank you. :-)
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Rikki.
This is a well thought out and conceived paraphrase of the events surrounding the birth of Christ. This is an outstanding children's story. You have put the events into perspective and order of occurrence. This is really well done.
Robert
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Hello Rikki.
This is a well thought out and conceived paraphrase of the events surrounding the birth of Christ. This is an outstanding children's story. You have put the events into perspective and order of occurrence. This is really well done.
Robert
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and review. I will take you suggestion to heart and see if I am up to the work.
RikkiLXVI
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You are welcome Rikki. I think you might enjoy doing that.
Robert
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Trying to read up and work.
Rikki
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Keep going...
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In rereading the bible, I found more sex than I remember.
Rikki
Comment from Senyai
Hi Rikki66,
I felt like I was there on that sacred night as your story unfolded. A very believable retelling of the greatest story ever told, the birth if Christ, the Son of God.
Your descriptions of life in those early times felt accurate and true to life. The scurrying by the inn keepers family to provide a birthplace for the approaching travelers felt authentic. The story of the shepherds coming to worship this babe felt real too.
Enjoyed your thoughts of that most sacred night.
Senyai
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Hi Rikki66,
I felt like I was there on that sacred night as your story unfolded. A very believable retelling of the greatest story ever told, the birth if Christ, the Son of God.
Your descriptions of life in those early times felt accurate and true to life. The scurrying by the inn keepers family to provide a birthplace for the approaching travelers felt authentic. The story of the shepherds coming to worship this babe felt real too.
Enjoyed your thoughts of that most sacred night.
Senyai
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and review. I enjoy telling the story of the Christ child.
RikkiLXVI
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:-)
Comment from Eunice Amero
Lovely story and an everlasting hope for all to believe. You did a good job. Its wonderful to know one called Jesus. The Savior of the world. Thank you for sharing your story. Good Luck
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Lovely story and an everlasting hope for all to believe. You did a good job. Its wonderful to know one called Jesus. The Savior of the world. Thank you for sharing your story. Good Luck
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and review.
RikkiLXVI
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your welcome
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:-)
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thank you
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sounds like you've got it all down to a science, Rikki, from what I know. Now we have someone to look over us and try to keep up on the straight and narrow; although, with me, that can be a chore, even for Jesus. LOL. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Sounds like you've got it all down to a science, Rikki, from what I know. Now we have someone to look over us and try to keep up on the straight and narrow; although, with me, that can be a chore, even for Jesus. LOL. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and the review, my straight and narrow look like a dollar sign the straight and narrow are there but my path wobbles.
Rikki
Comment from LJbutterfly
This was a creative idea and interesting story that included a detailed account of the nativity. You story would be much easier to read if you followed standard writing procedures when it comes to using paragraphs and writing dialogue. I chose only one sentence you may wish to look at.
"I sorrow that I have only a stable to offer." You may want to say,
"I'm sorry that I have only.....
Keep writing. You're very creative.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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This was a creative idea and interesting story that included a detailed account of the nativity. You story would be much easier to read if you followed standard writing procedures when it comes to using paragraphs and writing dialogue. I chose only one sentence you may wish to look at.
"I sorrow that I have only a stable to offer." You may want to say,
"I'm sorry that I have only.....
Keep writing. You're very creative.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and review. I have trouble with with the formatting when I paste my story to Fanstory.
Rikki
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is an interesting view. I can see it. The only problem I have is you need to follow standard writing forms.
Ary expected that by sunset or sooner the inn would be full. (You can omit 'that' it's an extra word)
Joseph and his espoused Mary, and their servants had been on the road five days they expected to arrive in Bethelem this evening unless Mary tired too quickly in the heat of the day. (One heck of a run-on sentence. Also Bethlehem)
As it neared time for the birth of the child she had had less and less
energy in the heat. (Not sure why the space)
he closer they got to the city the more traffic they encountered, there seem to be as many leaving as arriving. Joseph called to his steward, Levi, " See if you can find us shelter for the night."
"Yes, master", as he departed.
Joseph went to Mary, riding on a donkey, as they moved slowly, "I fear we may not find good shelter this night."
"If it is so it is so, the Lord will provide."
"Ever the believer." (spaces needed between dialogues)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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This is an interesting view. I can see it. The only problem I have is you need to follow standard writing forms.
Ary expected that by sunset or sooner the inn would be full. (You can omit 'that' it's an extra word)
Joseph and his espoused Mary, and their servants had been on the road five days they expected to arrive in Bethelem this evening unless Mary tired too quickly in the heat of the day. (One heck of a run-on sentence. Also Bethlehem)
As it neared time for the birth of the child she had had less and less
energy in the heat. (Not sure why the space)
he closer they got to the city the more traffic they encountered, there seem to be as many leaving as arriving. Joseph called to his steward, Levi, " See if you can find us shelter for the night."
"Yes, master", as he departed.
Joseph went to Mary, riding on a donkey, as they moved slowly, "I fear we may not find good shelter this night."
"If it is so it is so, the Lord will provide."
"Ever the believer." (spaces needed between dialogues)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you for the read and the review my paragraphs were correct until I copied and pasted. I still haven't got down.
Rikki
Comment from Sally Law
Thank you for sharing this, dear Rikki. It's great to have the Lord's birth retold here on FanStory. It's refreshing, and a real blessing.
Sending you my best today and blessings always,
Sally XOs
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you for sharing this, dear Rikki. It's great to have the Lord's birth retold here on FanStory. It's refreshing, and a real blessing.
Sending you my best today and blessings always,
Sally XOs
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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You are most welcome, thank you for the read and review. my you have a blessed day.
Rikki
Comment from Sanku
This,much loved story can told in many different ways and it will be a pleasure to read. The names of the inn keeper of course was new to me. Thank you for posting.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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This,much loved story can told in many different ways and it will be a pleasure to read. The names of the inn keeper of course was new to me. Thank you for posting.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you very much for the read and review.
Rikki
Comment from amahra
Very nice rendition of the Holy birth of Christ our Lord. You took some poetic license that did not outshine the true history of that blessed night. Some artwork of the Nativity would have been nice.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Very nice rendition of the Holy birth of Christ our Lord. You took some poetic license that did not outshine the true history of that blessed night. Some artwork of the Nativity would have been nice.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Thank you, some stories need to be retold, example, "The Shop Around the Corner----In The Good Old Summer Time----You've Got Mail. The same basic story told decades apart.
Rikki
