Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Genius in Love, Scene 12"In Search of a Soul
29 total reviews
Comment from Lobber
Well, Sir -
To paraphrase from the writings of my friend in Wales...The Americans had reacted best to Jay^s writings ... the Yanks proved a most supportive crowd and gave Jay the one thing every writer lacks from non-writers...the camaraderie of the group.
From one Yank to another, I wish to continue the tradition and say )well done(.
Stay safe.
Jer - a Yank brave enough to live in Canada
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Well, Sir -
To paraphrase from the writings of my friend in Wales...The Americans had reacted best to Jay^s writings ... the Yanks proved a most supportive crowd and gave Jay the one thing every writer lacks from non-writers...the camaraderie of the group.
From one Yank to another, I wish to continue the tradition and say )well done(.
Stay safe.
Jer - a Yank brave enough to live in Canada
Comment Written 02-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2021
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Well ... thank you, Jer. This was a less in-yer-head scene. Easier to produce concrete word images from. I'm happy you liked it. I appreciate the six stars!
Comment from Aiona
I'm so confused. I know I've read parts of this before, but I'm lost again. I really need to go back and start from the beginning, like I told myself to do weeks ago. But even as I type this, I can hear my husband outside the office, dealing with watching the kids while I write.
Even hearing screams outside my office, I was still compelled to read all the way through, and I feel there is some subtext in the dialogue that I am totally missing because of my lack of reading previous scenes. Am I wrong?
Anyway, I WILL go back and read the earlier scenes, but apparently not today, because the noises outside are getting louder. It's a tribute to your writing that I ignored the chaos, and read this to the end. I think it's because your sense of humor shines through it, even though the meaning was lost on me. Like an episode of Sesame Streeet that's entirely in Espanol.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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I'm so confused. I know I've read parts of this before, but I'm lost again. I really need to go back and start from the beginning, like I told myself to do weeks ago. But even as I type this, I can hear my husband outside the office, dealing with watching the kids while I write.
Even hearing screams outside my office, I was still compelled to read all the way through, and I feel there is some subtext in the dialogue that I am totally missing because of my lack of reading previous scenes. Am I wrong?
Anyway, I WILL go back and read the earlier scenes, but apparently not today, because the noises outside are getting louder. It's a tribute to your writing that I ignored the chaos, and read this to the end. I think it's because your sense of humor shines through it, even though the meaning was lost on me. Like an episode of Sesame Streeet that's entirely in Espanol.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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I don't really think you need to go back and read the previous scenes. Just the summaries I put at the beginning. All of those, added together, should get you up to speed. I'm just pleased as punch you read this one. It was so long that I'm afraid it scared people away. So thank you, Aiona!
Comment from Bill Schott
Hi, Jay. I am wading in on Saturday morning to read this scene. I had some time so I softened it up by skimming your other reviewers' comments to see where we were going. I know that's cheating, but I often wonder if others see important things that I miss.
Somewhere in those comments you intimate that this may be the final scene. What? Already? I feel like we are just now getting to where the character sketches will launch into ongoing instances where Cornelius, Jennie, and maybe Cililla will move into other situations.
Still, I realize we haven't had the big reveal of Cornelius' abilities yet.
Okay, now the reading:
TOLOACHE:
I'm so pleased we finally get to meet each other(,) Phyllis(.) I feel like we're already old friends.
I only included this punctuation swap because if read too quickly it confuses the reader.
Love the note about creating some ambiance with the music.
The dialogue between the fathers cements both characters' take on the world; both suggesting a little social climbing. The bit about the negative press on the company's chemical assistance in the Korean War shows Gary's access to news feeds which the general public would never hear about in 1952.
The mothers have definitely connected; their future friendship is maternal and artist based (acting/painting)
Your suggestion to other reviewers that this is what you were building to, and that we have reached the end of this play, seems surreal to me.
This scene brings the reader, or play goer, to the state of stunned normalcy, as the mesmerizing piano music places Cornelius in a position of wonderkind at twelve years old.
Of course, I see that his being cordial and relatable is reminisent of Dexter, the serial killer, being trained to seem interested or capable of emotions by his adoptive father.
I guess, since there has been so much growth over this extended reading period, I have lost the sense of time and what is being achieved.
I see the conclusion of this scene as the jumping off point to a time leap, which allows the audience to see where the characters are in ten years.
Love the whole concept and THIS is a pleasant place to end, with a feel good moment.
What has been dug up is the dead son, a new character, Clarinetta, further background on the parents' relationships:
HOWARD: I'm not one of your acting students, Toley.
TOLOACHE: (Through closed eyes) No. You're not.
Still a lot of field to plow there, unless, because I don't read a lot of plays, the background on the characters is just to give soil to their dialogue.
Thoroughly enjoyed this script, Jay.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Hi, Jay. I am wading in on Saturday morning to read this scene. I had some time so I softened it up by skimming your other reviewers' comments to see where we were going. I know that's cheating, but I often wonder if others see important things that I miss.
Somewhere in those comments you intimate that this may be the final scene. What? Already? I feel like we are just now getting to where the character sketches will launch into ongoing instances where Cornelius, Jennie, and maybe Cililla will move into other situations.
Still, I realize we haven't had the big reveal of Cornelius' abilities yet.
Okay, now the reading:
TOLOACHE:
I'm so pleased we finally get to meet each other(,) Phyllis(.) I feel like we're already old friends.
I only included this punctuation swap because if read too quickly it confuses the reader.
Love the note about creating some ambiance with the music.
The dialogue between the fathers cements both characters' take on the world; both suggesting a little social climbing. The bit about the negative press on the company's chemical assistance in the Korean War shows Gary's access to news feeds which the general public would never hear about in 1952.
The mothers have definitely connected; their future friendship is maternal and artist based (acting/painting)
Your suggestion to other reviewers that this is what you were building to, and that we have reached the end of this play, seems surreal to me.
This scene brings the reader, or play goer, to the state of stunned normalcy, as the mesmerizing piano music places Cornelius in a position of wonderkind at twelve years old.
Of course, I see that his being cordial and relatable is reminisent of Dexter, the serial killer, being trained to seem interested or capable of emotions by his adoptive father.
I guess, since there has been so much growth over this extended reading period, I have lost the sense of time and what is being achieved.
I see the conclusion of this scene as the jumping off point to a time leap, which allows the audience to see where the characters are in ten years.
Love the whole concept and THIS is a pleasant place to end, with a feel good moment.
What has been dug up is the dead son, a new character, Clarinetta, further background on the parents' relationships:
HOWARD: I'm not one of your acting students, Toley.
TOLOACHE: (Through closed eyes) No. You're not.
Still a lot of field to plow there, unless, because I don't read a lot of plays, the background on the characters is just to give soil to their dialogue.
Thoroughly enjoyed this script, Jay.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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I do believe this review rivals Turtle's reviews in its thoroughness. There are reasons to finish this play off here, though all of them circle around laziness. I'm already working on scene 13 which won't post until next week. I don't know where I'm going with the two fathers. They each had a note of sarcasm and before long they were at each other's throat. I just didn't work hard to stop them. I tried at the beginning of the scene to instill some hope in the Howard-Toloache relationship, but they still have some shit to wade through. We'll see where this next scene takes us. I forsee it bought me at least four more.
Bill, thanks for your generosity. But more than the six, thank you for choosing to take the narrower, less-traveled path, and coming up with some astute observations.
Jay
Comment from judiverse
Clarinetta makes an interesting addition to the script. This is almost too sophisticated for me. Really outstanding off-broadway material, which I hope you'll look into. The adults seem to be making a lot more of the occasion than it actually is, a bit of pretense going on. I think Cornelius and Jennie are sweet, they're just acting like youngsters their age in the presence of adults. Great work, and do see to getting someone interested in it. If you know someone in a theatre department near you, that would be a good place to start. judi
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Clarinetta makes an interesting addition to the script. This is almost too sophisticated for me. Really outstanding off-broadway material, which I hope you'll look into. The adults seem to be making a lot more of the occasion than it actually is, a bit of pretense going on. I think Cornelius and Jennie are sweet, they're just acting like youngsters their age in the presence of adults. Great work, and do see to getting someone interested in it. If you know someone in a theatre department near you, that would be a good place to start. judi
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading this and your kind words, Judi. I'm thrilled you find it good enough to be produced, but really, that's not going to happen. I honestly don't have the energy for the follow-through needed for such an endeavor. But you've really stoked my confidence.
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I know what you mean. It's that age thing. That's why I suggested you contact a professor in the theatre department of the college near you. There might be interest in producing the play, or at least putting you in touch with someone. Have someone act as your agent, in other words. judi
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
A beautiful scene from beginning to end. I was a little worried when I saw how long it was, but I shouldn't have worried. *smile* It was in good hands. I love the stage directions, though I know they are more than would be naturally allowed. They do help me see it all. I am enjoying this series and I am so sorry this summer has kept me from reading all that I want to. I'm so behind on everything. Ugh.
Thank you!!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Jay,
A beautiful scene from beginning to end. I was a little worried when I saw how long it was, but I shouldn't have worried. *smile* It was in good hands. I love the stage directions, though I know they are more than would be naturally allowed. They do help me see it all. I am enjoying this series and I am so sorry this summer has kept me from reading all that I want to. I'm so behind on everything. Ugh.
Thank you!!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Robyn, you are so generous in your praise. This scene, perhaps because of its length, has been a struggle to garner readers for it. It's good when respected writers say it has merit. That means so much to me. I have been the same, I'm afraid, in not spending enough time on your poetry, which I've always been a fan of. Blessings to you!
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Jay:
You continue to captivate me with your understanding of what goes on in the backgrounds of way too many homes, but also the beautiful music that can be played by someone on the spectrum. I absolutely loved this scene.
Jan
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Jay:
You continue to captivate me with your understanding of what goes on in the backgrounds of way too many homes, but also the beautiful music that can be played by someone on the spectrum. I absolutely loved this scene.
Jan
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Bless you, Jan. Your six stars and your kind words have done so much for me this evening.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
I thoroughly enjoyed this scene. Bravo! It went exactly as I thought it would... as I hoped it would. Cornie was able to actually speak to Jennie's parents, granted hesitantly. But still, a huge step for him. Undoubtedly, Cililla's "chat" in the previous act went a long way in preparing him for this meeting. It gave him confidence that he lacks.
I noticed a few things...
Howard is so mean to Clara. She is the hired help, but doesn't deserve to be treated poorly when she's only doing what Toley asked of her. He should apologize, but he won't.
The Jaxes may not be as rich as the Plumbs, but money isn't everything. Gary Jax is an author, using the pen name of Robin Craddock. And Phyllis Jax is an educated painter. She knows a bit about the Arts.
There's some tension between Howard and Gary Jax. Perhaps Howard lacks confidence, too. He has money and position, but maybe not much to back it up.
I thought music in the background added to the scene. And I simply loved these notes to the reader...
"Thank you ... and while you're up, get your free bag of popcorn from the lobby. We'll wait for you."
and,
"We'll keep the stage curtains open, and the lights on. Thank you for not leaving the theater."
A great job, Jay! The only thing that seemed slightly out of place was the reference to "Richie Rich" by closet drinker Gary. But I'm wondering if you should change the date of this play to 1954 or 1955, instead of 1952? Richie Rich was a fictional character in the Harvey Comics universe, debuted in Little Dot #1, cover-dated September 1953. I guess Gary is as guilty as Howard for sticking his foot in his mouth.
My favorite part of the scene was this...
"[CORNELIUS holds out his hand and JENNIE takes it]"
Nicely penned, Jay!!!
Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Hi Jay,
I thoroughly enjoyed this scene. Bravo! It went exactly as I thought it would... as I hoped it would. Cornie was able to actually speak to Jennie's parents, granted hesitantly. But still, a huge step for him. Undoubtedly, Cililla's "chat" in the previous act went a long way in preparing him for this meeting. It gave him confidence that he lacks.
I noticed a few things...
Howard is so mean to Clara. She is the hired help, but doesn't deserve to be treated poorly when she's only doing what Toley asked of her. He should apologize, but he won't.
The Jaxes may not be as rich as the Plumbs, but money isn't everything. Gary Jax is an author, using the pen name of Robin Craddock. And Phyllis Jax is an educated painter. She knows a bit about the Arts.
There's some tension between Howard and Gary Jax. Perhaps Howard lacks confidence, too. He has money and position, but maybe not much to back it up.
I thought music in the background added to the scene. And I simply loved these notes to the reader...
"Thank you ... and while you're up, get your free bag of popcorn from the lobby. We'll wait for you."
and,
"We'll keep the stage curtains open, and the lights on. Thank you for not leaving the theater."
A great job, Jay! The only thing that seemed slightly out of place was the reference to "Richie Rich" by closet drinker Gary. But I'm wondering if you should change the date of this play to 1954 or 1955, instead of 1952? Richie Rich was a fictional character in the Harvey Comics universe, debuted in Little Dot #1, cover-dated September 1953. I guess Gary is as guilty as Howard for sticking his foot in his mouth.
My favorite part of the scene was this...
"[CORNELIUS holds out his hand and JENNIE takes it]"
Nicely penned, Jay!!!
Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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You are the third person to mention the Richie Rich reference, and by far the kindest. Just kidding. I never once thought of researching Richie Rich. I almost got into deeper trouble by having Gary ask Howard if he'd read Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring" in connection with Howard's use of chemicals on crops. Only thing: Silent spring came out in the 60s. It would have been so relevant here if Rachel hadn't been so damn lazy!
Thanks as always for your sage reviews and the six stars. I lacked only two reviews to make it to the vaunted ATB.
Comment from Tpa
I enjoyed your script. I believe most of the scene concerned the couple seemed uncomfortable with one another. I'm not sure. Is there some rivalry between them?I also noticed that a friendship has begun with the children.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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I enjoyed your script. I believe most of the scene concerned the couple seemed uncomfortable with one another. I'm not sure. Is there some rivalry between them?I also noticed that a friendship has begun with the children.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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I'm thrilled you enjoyed the script, especially to the tune of 6 stars. Woo-woo! Yes the families have some issues. I hope to have you around for the next scene, Tpa.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. You seemed to want to show that marriages and families all have issues that they have to deal with. When in public, they try to conceal things but emotions run deep. The music again is a welcome asset. We also see some progress in Cornie. (cute)
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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Very interesting. You seemed to want to show that marriages and families all have issues that they have to deal with. When in public, they try to conceal things but emotions run deep. The music again is a welcome asset. We also see some progress in Cornie. (cute)
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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Thanks for the six stars, but most of all for reading it. You are right about the emotions running deep. I've had a number of reviewers feeling that Howard was becoming a likeable character vis-a-vis Cornie. But they failed to see that he was being a blowhard with Gary and Gary was using Howard's need for self-validation against him, showing his (Gary's) bullying tendencies.
I was told by another that using Richie Rich's name was an anachronism since Richie Rich comics didn't come out until 1956 and the present time was 1952. Oh, my!
Thanks, friend.
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1953, but it doesn't matter. Your script/book has a main theme of bullying, and wealth/class is part of that. Certain little details won't matter. The audience will not even notice.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That gave me goosebumbs, Jay. Just listening to that music and imagining Cornelius playing is playing it and with Jennie smiling by his side. But more than that--Howard! He is stunned at what he is hearing and can't take his eyes off his son! At last he can see what an amazing son he has, I do hope this will change his attitude towards him. I loved this part, my friend. Well done! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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That gave me goosebumbs, Jay. Just listening to that music and imagining Cornelius playing is playing it and with Jennie smiling by his side. But more than that--Howard! He is stunned at what he is hearing and can't take his eyes off his son! At last he can see what an amazing son he has, I do hope this will change his attitude towards him. I loved this part, my friend. Well done! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Goosebumps are good ... like your Americanized voice gave me when you gave your FS promo! By the way, congratulations on that. Hope Tom paid you for it, LOL.