Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 4"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
You know I adore your stories and your writing - PLEASE forgive me as I try to catch up. I won't have time to write a lot.
I will offer notes as needed:
1.) Her torso twisted to an upright position while her shapely legs swung to the floor.
--> out of pov. She wouldn't say this. You CAN say that she was pleased or proud that she'd taken care of herself and that the legs she swung over the side of the bed still retained their shapeliness. Or etc. Make sense?
2.) Liz staggered toward the desk,
--> then where was she? She wasn't on the floor, because she swung those shapely legs down, right? I would have assumed she was in the chair - but here, she has to walk TO the desk. (??)
3.) Supposedly his assistant decided Caldwell was taking too long asking for a divorce
--> HIS assistant? Took matters into HER own hands?
4.) I left a message and I'll hear from him this morning."
--> she can't know that
Moving on!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021
  |
Carol,
You know I adore your stories and your writing - PLEASE forgive me as I try to catch up. I won't have time to write a lot.
I will offer notes as needed:
1.) Her torso twisted to an upright position while her shapely legs swung to the floor.
--> out of pov. She wouldn't say this. You CAN say that she was pleased or proud that she'd taken care of herself and that the legs she swung over the side of the bed still retained their shapeliness. Or etc. Make sense?
2.) Liz staggered toward the desk,
--> then where was she? She wasn't on the floor, because she swung those shapely legs down, right? I would have assumed she was in the chair - but here, she has to walk TO the desk. (??)
3.) Supposedly his assistant decided Caldwell was taking too long asking for a divorce
--> HIS assistant? Took matters into HER own hands?
4.) I left a message and I'll hear from him this morning."
--> she can't know that
Moving on!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021
-
I copied and pasted your notes so I can come back to it later...thank you but I am exhausted and just can't do anymore tonight....this was your last one so I wanted to send it off to you.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from ShirleyT1
You have written a captivating story line. I enjoy your characters and the well-written dialogue. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Great writing skills!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
|
You have written a captivating story line. I enjoy your characters and the well-written dialogue. I look forward to reading the next chapter. Great writing skills!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
-
Hi Shirley
I am so glad to see you and find that you are enjoying my story. I am too wordy to condense my thoughts into a poem like you do and make it so fun to read. I have to stick to prose... thank you for following the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
More elements seem to be coming into this story. Liz's friend Alyssa is in a courtroom, on a case which at first, I thought unrelated to the story, but now, I'm not so sure. Liz may be in danger.
Very tiny errors:
Allyssa called out her name again."Liz?"
-->
Alyssa called out her name again. "Liz?"
"Liz, what's wrong?" Allyssa screamed into the phone.
-->
"Liz, what's wrong?" Alyssa screamed into the phone.
***
And what is Miguel, the vineyard supervisor, doing in the courtroom?
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
|
More elements seem to be coming into this story. Liz's friend Alyssa is in a courtroom, on a case which at first, I thought unrelated to the story, but now, I'm not so sure. Liz may be in danger.
Very tiny errors:
Allyssa called out her name again."Liz?"
-->
Alyssa called out her name again. "Liz?"
"Liz, what's wrong?" Allyssa screamed into the phone.
-->
"Liz, what's wrong?" Alyssa screamed into the phone.
***
And what is Miguel, the vineyard supervisor, doing in the courtroom?
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
-
Good morning, Mary Kay
As you see, my finger likes to double up on letters... I guess my mind thinks it should be two l's and I keep changing but then doing it again. Good eye! Thanks for catching mymistakes.
As for Miguel...good question!
Hugs and smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
I like the way you're lining up your characters, because you've gone to the courtroom, that's becoming the story, set right there. Sally Law does that, and it's a good way to plot the way, through that particular window, your ability as a writer is without question Carol, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
|
I like the way you're lining up your characters, because you've gone to the courtroom, that's becoming the story, set right there. Sally Law does that, and it's a good way to plot the way, through that particular window, your ability as a writer is without question Carol, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
-
Thank you as always, Roy... There are a lot of characters already, but their lives are entwined in so many ways. Glad you enjoyed!
Smiles, Carol
-
They are indeed
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
You really know how to spin 'em! Another stunning chapter with a teaser ending--vivid depiction of courtroon scene.
You list Mary Hunter in the notes twice.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
|
You really know how to spin 'em! Another stunning chapter with a teaser ending--vivid depiction of courtroon scene.
You list Mary Hunter in the notes twice.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
-
Glad you enjoyed this chapter... I appreciate all the help I can get...Hugs,Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
Well, your jumping right into a court case this time, Carol. Good for you. It will give you some more practice for your Crime and Mystery Series. :)
I like the way that you've described the new players. I wonder which ones will become significant. Good way to keep us coming back. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
|
Well, your jumping right into a court case this time, Carol. Good for you. It will give you some more practice for your Crime and Mystery Series. :)
I like the way that you've described the new players. I wonder which ones will become significant. Good way to keep us coming back. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
-
they all will play some roll in this story...It has a lot of things going on...major and major major. LOL I am glad that you are enjoying it!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Great story thus far. New characters -- I see you expanded your list, thanks. It helps me keep everyone straight. I've been enjoying this story, and looking forward to reading more segments. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
|
Great story thus far. New characters -- I see you expanded your list, thanks. It helps me keep everyone straight. I've been enjoying this story, and looking forward to reading more segments. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
-
I'm trying to keep up with the characters because there are a lot involved this time so it makes things easier for the reader. Thanks again...Smiles, Carol
-
I appreciate having the list, just for that reason. Smiles back!
Comment from eliz100
You are surely on a roll. This was another great installment. I do not see any room for improvement. The picture continues to work. I see the next chapter is already up. I am looking forward to it.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
|
You are surely on a roll. This was another great installment. I do not see any room for improvement. The picture continues to work. I see the next chapter is already up. I am looking forward to it.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
-
i believe there is a strand of thread dangling for each story line that's mixed within the words...now we just have to see which one pops up and where its going to go...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Moving right along it appears to me, since Miguel is in the courtroom, that there is a faction that is connected to the vineyard involved in this murder case. Just saying. I have a feeling. Is the guy with the Stetson, Garth?
There is definitely something suspicious in the air.
Ralf
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
|
Moving right along it appears to me, since Miguel is in the courtroom, that there is a faction that is connected to the vineyard involved in this murder case. Just saying. I have a feeling. Is the guy with the Stetson, Garth?
There is definitely something suspicious in the air.
Ralf
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
-
Yes ma'am... He's already undercover, and no one knows it...not even Hank yet. There's a lot of suspicion in the air! LOL, It will be coming from every which direction, I fear.... Hugs, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's Friday, Friday, Friday, a good day to read, enjoy the good ol' air conditioning, and stay inside out of the heat. And, to rub elbows with my friend, Carol. Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and a smile.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
|
It's Friday, Friday, Friday, a good day to read, enjoy the good ol' air conditioning, and stay inside out of the heat. And, to rub elbows with my friend, Carol. Have a wonderful weekend! Hugs and a smile.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
-
Hello... it's been raining again (they promised me sunshine but they lied) Wonder if I could write them into a story and give them whats-for? Anyhow, rain leads to writing and that's where I've been...though my back and legs are screaming at me...Instead of elbows..maybe a back massage. LOL
Smiles and hugs, Carol
-
Elbow, back, legs, who's keeping track . . . anything that gets us through. LOL.
-
LOL...
YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE THE BEST!
-
You're special! and always say the nicest things. LOL.
