Lost Tomatoes
tanka17 total reviews
Comment from RodG
, I can understand how the Speaker feels, seeing those empty jars when all those tomatoes should be canned and her mother's not there to instruct. A lot of narrative packed in five short lines. Rod
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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, I can understand how the Speaker feels, seeing those empty jars when all those tomatoes should be canned and her mother's not there to instruct. A lot of narrative packed in five short lines. Rod
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much for "getting" my little tanka. Great review
Comment from robyn corum
Val,
I really, really like this poem. I will be totally honest. I also skipped this when I saw the description said tanka. --sigh-- So many people here have entered this contest who know NOTHING about Japanese short-form poetry and I have spent a good bit of time trying to explain how their poems DO NOT fit the requirements.
THIS is the first poem that not only fits the requirements for a tanka but pleases all the senses and makes my heart happy. *smile*
Of course, that's my haiku/tanka-loving heart. Not the one that adores my mother. --frowny face-- I'm sending you hugs for the little boy part.
But I'm sending you a standing ovation for the poem - I wish I had a six left. Good luck!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Val,
I really, really like this poem. I will be totally honest. I also skipped this when I saw the description said tanka. --sigh-- So many people here have entered this contest who know NOTHING about Japanese short-form poetry and I have spent a good bit of time trying to explain how their poems DO NOT fit the requirements.
THIS is the first poem that not only fits the requirements for a tanka but pleases all the senses and makes my heart happy. *smile*
Of course, that's my haiku/tanka-loving heart. Not the one that adores my mother. --frowny face-- I'm sending you hugs for the little boy part.
But I'm sending you a standing ovation for the poem - I wish I had a six left. Good luck!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2021
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Well, Robyn bless your little haiku/tanka loving little heart. This a wonderful review, and I feel your pain about people that know nothing about Japanese short forms. I bet most of them don't even know what a "pivot" line is. Fabulous review - too bad about your Mom. Hugs
Comment from l.raven
Hi Val, it is that time of year again my sweet friend...
the tomatoes are ready to be pick...what you didn't eat through the summer...and what are left on the vine have to be caned...preserved...
my mother was the only one who would save her tomatoes in
our family...of cause my father was the on who grew them for every one in the neighborhood...and the family...
I miss my mother as well...sigh...
I love your poem sweet girl...and love the picture...
wish the tomatoes in there were mine...very well written you...sorry I don't have any sixes...******...love you...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Hi Val, it is that time of year again my sweet friend...
the tomatoes are ready to be pick...what you didn't eat through the summer...and what are left on the vine have to be caned...preserved...
my mother was the only one who would save her tomatoes in
our family...of cause my father was the on who grew them for every one in the neighborhood...and the family...
I miss my mother as well...sigh...
I love your poem sweet girl...and love the picture...
wish the tomatoes in there were mine...very well written you...sorry I don't have any sixes...******...love you...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Linda, I do dearly love this review. Old times pass, and we lose sight of sweet tastes that were canned.
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yes we do Val...sigh...
your so welcome sweet girl...
love you...xxoo
Comment from Anne Johnston
Beautiful picture of the tomatoes and great words describing your memories of your mother, filling those canning jars with the fruit from her garden. Very well done on this tanka.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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Beautiful picture of the tomatoes and great words describing your memories of your mother, filling those canning jars with the fruit from her garden. Very well done on this tanka.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the lovely review
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You are welcome
Comment from Karen Estep
when I lived in Michigan, I had such beautiful tomatoes! I'm hoping for a good crop in GA! I loved your graphic and your words, filled with emotion. Good luck always. Keep writing, my friend!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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when I lived in Michigan, I had such beautiful tomatoes! I'm hoping for a good crop in GA! I loved your graphic and your words, filled with emotion. Good luck always. Keep writing, my friend!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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Thank you for the lovely review
Comment from royowen
I love this, a friendly voice that has been removed, I've lost my mother too, I look like back when she and dad were both young, now they are both gone. A beautifully written tanka Val, the lines are so poignant, the thoughts of the past centre on interesting things, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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I love this, a friendly voice that has been removed, I've lost my mother too, I look like back when she and dad were both young, now they are both gone. A beautifully written tanka Val, the lines are so poignant, the thoughts of the past centre on interesting things, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2021
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Aww, Roy, I equally love your review. I am so happy you "got" my little tanka. hugs val
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Good job
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. The theme or message behind the seemingly average garden description comes through just as you wanted. The thing I would recommend you looking at again is the fourth line: Old Kerr Jars left empty
I think it is six syllables.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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Very interesting. The theme or message behind the seemingly average garden description comes through just as you wanted. The thing I would recommend you looking at again is the fourth line: Old Kerr Jars left empty
I think it is six syllables.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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Fanstory's syllable count is a frame, but does not have to be followed to that exact frame. tanka needs to write short/long/short/long/long. None the less thank you for the review.
Comment from mermaids
There are emotions and feelings in your words. The feeling of your mother's presence comes through clearly, she canned tomatoes and now the jars are empty. Excellent tanka form and use of words that takes the reader to another place.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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There are emotions and feelings in your words. The feeling of your mother's presence comes through clearly, she canned tomatoes and now the jars are empty. Excellent tanka form and use of words that takes the reader to another place.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2021
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What a lovely review thank you.
Comment from equestrik
This is a well written poem and I love the depth of it in a generational way. I think we often fail to appreciate the worth of our elders until they are gone. Well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This is a well written poem and I love the depth of it in a generational way. I think we often fail to appreciate the worth of our elders until they are gone. Well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
Comment from Pantygynt
As you probably know, if you write a lot of tanka, the most important line is the third, which should act as a satori to the kami-no-ku (upper poem) and and the first line of the shimo-no-ku (lower poem). As such your shimo-no-ku leaves me shaking with laughter.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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As you probably know, if you write a lot of tanka, the most important line is the third, which should act as a satori to the kami-no-ku (upper poem) and and the first line of the shimo-no-ku (lower poem). As such your shimo-no-ku leaves me shaking with laughter.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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I do know that the third line in tanka is the pivot line to the last two lines, which I am not quite sure approve of. I thank you for this review. I appreciate your incredible knowledge of tanka.
