Reviews from

Flight

How do you decide which path to take?

26 total reviews 
Comment from amahra
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I loved the whole idea of the bird as an indicator of what could be. Taking the car key and the dog saved all three lives. And pointing his car south? Well, isn't that where birds fly to survived until that cold winter passes, like the winters of life?

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2021

Comment from Sanku
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

From the dead robin and bird flu,via the turbulent ride with an alcoholic father, litter on the greens, playing frisbee with your dog, and finally to washing your hands(symbolically ,reminds one of Pontius Pilate) you have lead the reader to your final decision. Of leaving the destructive atmosphere , the bdead bird being an omen.
very well done.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2021

Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

CADENAARON:

I don't know whether or not this is a true story but it reads as if it could be. I rode with my alcoholic father more than once when I was a kid - unfortunately, I was not old enough nor had the means to leave. Your story meets your goal of writing memorable stories.

Rdfrdmom2

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2021

Comment from blondie560
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The story was sad, the father who couldn't stop drinking and doing drugs. The son who has to be an adult. He chooses to leave with the car so his father can't kill himself or someone else. He'll find peace away from him. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2021

Comment from Wendy G
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

An excellent story, with sufficient detail for the reader to clearly picture the scene. The father's situation, and the son's fear while being driven by him is a slice of their everyday relationship. The dead bird, young, like himself - with now no flight possible - is a warning to him that he himself must take flight before flight is no longer possible. His care for the bird, and especially for the dog represents a deeper relationship than with the father. Very well written, with care and skill.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2021

Comment from Michele Harber
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow! I wondered where you were heading, as the story's path meandered from birds and your mother to the robin and your father to the cigarette butts and the dog, but it all came together perfectly in the end. The dead robin served as the harbinger of what would happen to you if you didn't escape the pestilence, in your case of your father and his addictions. Your last two lines truly brought the whole story together.

Your phrasing, i.e., "Quiet and secretive except when it's not," indicates a writer's sense not just of phraseology but of irony. You have an excellent eye for detail, exemplefied by "White against green, backlit by the brown rolling river," and a good sense of the amount of detail to use. This story is very well done.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2021

Comment from nomi338
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

When the time arrives for you to make your departure, there is no reason that it has to be rancorous. This is especially true between parents and children or siblings. If it is clear that it is time to leave, a peaceful and loving split almost guarantees a happy reunion at some later time.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2021

Comment from muffinmama
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a very interesting read, at times casual and light (playing with the dog), but at other times, pensive and tense (the drive home).
This sentence puzzled me a bit: "On the recliner, cracking a soft smile, sat my dad." Did he know that his son was leaving and was glad about it? Was he expecting it? I would have liked a tad more information about the relationship.

Comments:
- I'm not sure why Robin is in caps: "I saw a dead Robin..."; "I thought of the Robin..."
- typo: "It's little head..." - 'Its'
- "...everything felt "uppish," elevated..." - should be 'has felt'

This is a good story that needs to be fleshed out some more; well done.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2021

Comment from LisaMay
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I admire the freshness of your storytelling here... drawing strands together and letting the reader fill in some gaps for themselves. The bird is effective imagery for flight/escape/danger/consequences. The father's lifestyle is self-destructive. The young man is wise to be leaving with the dog - man's best friend. I hope he finds the elusive happiness.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2021

Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A poignant and subtle write as a decision is made to leave here. Birds certainly do detect early environmental problems and we need to listen to the warnings which is what you did here. I once ended a relationship and two ravens clung to the roof opposite my house and I knew I had made the right decision. A fine write, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2021