Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap. 2"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from Sherry Asbury
I have mirrored your form somewhat. It looks a lot better. This is a breath-holder chapter! So much angst and drama. You seem to write so seamlessly and with little effort. You are a natural-born writer. See you in chapter 3!!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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I have mirrored your form somewhat. It looks a lot better. This is a breath-holder chapter! So much angst and drama. You seem to write so seamlessly and with little effort. You are a natural-born writer. See you in chapter 3!!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Sherry. I am blessed that once I put myself into a character it appears to flow without my effort. I so love that you are finding it interesting and that it helps you as well.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from knowledge
Thanks for keeping a list of characters and their involvement in your novel. You're a great descriptive writer without getting your reader bogged down with useless details. I'll follow your lead because we have so much reading to do here that we lose the story's consistency.
I would give you 6 stars but you don't need them here.
Your friend, Danny.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thanks for keeping a list of characters and their involvement in your novel. You're a great descriptive writer without getting your reader bogged down with useless details. I'll follow your lead because we have so much reading to do here that we lose the story's consistency.
I would give you 6 stars but you don't need them here.
Your friend, Danny.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Sorry I'm in arrears--I've rjust ead all chapters in order--gripping story!--and am back to reviewing--you'll be getting these bing, bing, bing, bing!
the Doc don't=>DOESN'T trust his own driving." (unless you mean him to misspeak--this is the only instance I noticed)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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Sorry I'm in arrears--I've rjust ead all chapters in order--gripping story!--and am back to reviewing--you'll be getting these bing, bing, bing, bing!
the Doc don't=>DOESN'T trust his own driving." (unless you mean him to misspeak--this is the only instance I noticed)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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It was meant to be that way, but good catch! Wow, I see you have had a busy time reading all the chapters at once. I hope the story flowed smoothly and you gathered the evidence sprinkled around without a problem.
smiles, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Oh, my. New characters and I have no idea what's going on again. You do like to shake things up, don't you?
Some notes:
1.) Oh, yeah. That reminds me. In the last chap you said that Mama whoever - the one who died in the opening scene, had moved west to Minnesota or wherever and then after her husband died she'd moved farther west. You named a town but not a state. Did she remain in the same state? That might be important to make more clear - esp if she did move to a diff one.
2.) then Alyssa fell in line, pedal to the metal, ignoring all speed limits.
--> already used 'ignore' at the beg of paragraph
--> Alyssa ignored the lights, sirens, and honking horns
--> but to be fair, it does not sound at all like she 'ignored' them. It sounded like she was completely NOT IGNORING them actually. Know what I mean?
3.) Alyssa mingled among them, chatting and listening to all of them.
--> delete everything after 'listening'
4.) Gossip flourished among all of them,
--> delete 'all of'
5.) Though they'd recovered her husband's body two weeks ago,
--> I'm not sure I understand the reason for switching back and forth in time? It's a bit confusing for me to have to keep trying to flip my brain backward and forward and remember those details, you know?
6.) Jack made sure of that, and he taught me well.
--> that sounds a little weird since he was there a long time before Jack and probably knows lots more than Jack, right?
7.) His eyes were no longer sad; instead, they sparkled like shiny stars,
--> I think you used that simile in the opening paragraphs for the lady who died
Thanks!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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Carol,
Oh, my. New characters and I have no idea what's going on again. You do like to shake things up, don't you?
Some notes:
1.) Oh, yeah. That reminds me. In the last chap you said that Mama whoever - the one who died in the opening scene, had moved west to Minnesota or wherever and then after her husband died she'd moved farther west. You named a town but not a state. Did she remain in the same state? That might be important to make more clear - esp if she did move to a diff one.
2.) then Alyssa fell in line, pedal to the metal, ignoring all speed limits.
--> already used 'ignore' at the beg of paragraph
--> Alyssa ignored the lights, sirens, and honking horns
--> but to be fair, it does not sound at all like she 'ignored' them. It sounded like she was completely NOT IGNORING them actually. Know what I mean?
3.) Alyssa mingled among them, chatting and listening to all of them.
--> delete everything after 'listening'
4.) Gossip flourished among all of them,
--> delete 'all of'
5.) Though they'd recovered her husband's body two weeks ago,
--> I'm not sure I understand the reason for switching back and forth in time? It's a bit confusing for me to have to keep trying to flip my brain backward and forward and remember those details, you know?
6.) Jack made sure of that, and he taught me well.
--> that sounds a little weird since he was there a long time before Jack and probably knows lots more than Jack, right?
7.) His eyes were no longer sad; instead, they sparkled like shiny stars,
--> I think you used that simile in the opening paragraphs for the lady who died
Thanks!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2021
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My, my you are on top of things today! Even I didn't remember if I had used the shiny stars in the chapter before this...She was the grandmother.
Shiny stars are sparkling in my eyes for all your work and kind words for my story. LOl sorry... I couldn't resist... i might just be seeing stars from hitting my head.... All is well!
Hugs, Carol
Comment from eliz100
The plot thickens. This is a great installment. Again, this well written and continued to pull me into the story. The picture now has a connection to the story. I look forward to Chapter 4.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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The plot thickens. This is a great installment. Again, this well written and continued to pull me into the story. The picture now has a connection to the story. I look forward to Chapter 4.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Awesome...i am so thrilled that you took the time to get caught up and have all the facts before we get deeper into the story...Lots of twists and turns...
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
The beauty of your first few chapters is you allow us to wade in, test the water...then slowly produce the myriad of characters that we know you will weave together in that special Carol way of yours! I am feeling myself being lulled farther from shore! LOL!
--Karenina
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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The beauty of your first few chapters is you allow us to wade in, test the water...then slowly produce the myriad of characters that we know you will weave together in that special Carol way of yours! I am feeling myself being lulled farther from shore! LOL!
--Karenina
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Karenina...
I see you have had your hands and "eyes" full with reading three chapters in a row... I hope you found the story entertaining and full of surprises.
Off to see what you thought of the next chapter...
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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It's as addictive as "Edge" was! Loving it!--Karenina
Comment from lyenochka
Interesting story. I was hoping for the old crew to show up again, your detective couple. But this one seems to have Alyssa as our heroine detective. Hope she gets full cooperation from Lizzie to solve the mysterious death of her husband. It's strange that he never told her about Faith and Annie and their caretaker.
daughter of the Cranston's (Cranstons)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Interesting story. I was hoping for the old crew to show up again, your detective couple. But this one seems to have Alyssa as our heroine detective. Hope she gets full cooperation from Lizzie to solve the mysterious death of her husband. It's strange that he never told her about Faith and Annie and their caretaker.
daughter of the Cranston's (Cranstons)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Your hopes will probably come true....LOl It is going to be a sequel to the last story... Alyssa is a investigative journalist and a top notch one for sure. (Don't forget that the caretaker of Faith and Annie is Mary from chapter 1)
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
It seems that we have two mysteries here: first, what is the real story behind Jack McKinley's tragic death; and second, how is all of this connected to Mary's story in Chapter One? I know there was some mention of Faith and Annie in the first chapter, but there has to be more involved here, than is now apparent.
Errors and suggestions:
He'd been working for the Cranston's before the murders.
-->
He'd been working for the Cranstons before the murders.
After the purchase. Jack had asked him to stay and offered him the position.
-->
After the purchase, Jack had asked him to stay and offered him the position.
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranston's
-->
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranstons
***
I know you will bring all of these pieces together; I am just looking forward to learning how!
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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It seems that we have two mysteries here: first, what is the real story behind Jack McKinley's tragic death; and second, how is all of this connected to Mary's story in Chapter One? I know there was some mention of Faith and Annie in the first chapter, but there has to be more involved here, than is now apparent.
Errors and suggestions:
He'd been working for the Cranston's before the murders.
-->
He'd been working for the Cranstons before the murders.
After the purchase. Jack had asked him to stay and offered him the position.
-->
After the purchase, Jack had asked him to stay and offered him the position.
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranston's
-->
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranstons
***
I know you will bring all of these pieces together; I am just looking forward to learning how!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Mary Kay...
Thanks for continuing to read and for pointing out my errors. I have corrected them and am blessed by your help. Hope you enjoy the story.
Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. Yes, I love a good story, and I'm enjoying it! God bless you. Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Elizabeth has more on her plate than she had thought. Little by little she is confronted with things she doesn't know and decisions she is expected to make. She is not at all happy with her best friend's assumption regarding her husband's death and a confused as well. She has to deal with each and every item. The portrayal is well done.
Ralf
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Elizabeth has more on her plate than she had thought. Little by little she is confronted with things she doesn't know and decisions she is expected to make. She is not at all happy with her best friend's assumption regarding her husband's death and a confused as well. She has to deal with each and every item. The portrayal is well done.
Ralf
Comment Written 15-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Thanks Ralf for stopping by to read the beginnings of my book. I always worry when I first start out if people will get the meat of the story or is all lost in my head...Appreciate the review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Interesting and developing very well. More questions than answers for Elizabeth and for the reader as well, so of course we must hang on till the next chapter. Enjoying your story. Well written.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2021
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Interesting and developing very well. More questions than answers for Elizabeth and for the reader as well, so of course we must hang on till the next chapter. Enjoying your story. Well written.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2021
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Thrilled that you are enjoying the story. I believe (but then one never knows) that this one will be an emotional ride added to the suspicions of murder. A tear jerker, maybe?
Smiles, Carol
