Comment from JudyE

Excellent

I wonder how many times accidents like this have fractured families? I thought this was well written.

I did pick up one glitch:

Sadly fate step in, had its say - it should be 'sadly fate stepped in..'


And I thought the rhythm might have been improved if 'was' was deleted in the following couplet:
The DEATH of a son took its toll,
family life was never again whole.

Thanks for sharing your poem with us and good luck in the contest.

Judy

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2021

Ciao!

Thank you for the helpful review..

I corrected step and deleted ..was? the verse flows certainly better.

Glad you enjoyed the read ..

Yes these tragedies most of the time end destroying family bonds .

To ease the sense of guilt and the pain of loss, sadly family members try to put the blame on each other..

Keep safe !

Comment from Eternal Muse

Excellent

This was a very creative poem, although tragic in its content. Great imagery and visuals, and you used the required words cleverly.

Amazing artistic presentation and the use of colors. This should do extremely well in the contest, good luck in the booths.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2021

Thank you for the poti e response ..glad you enjoyed the narrative despite the tragic outcome.

Sadly these tragedies do happen ..


Keep safe!

Comment from Lana Marie

Excellent

Very well done for this very sad story. I am so sorry for your loss if it was your twins! Either way it's still a tragedy to whoever his family had to experience this.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2021

Thanks for the positive feedback ..

it?s pure fiction but like you pointed out these tragedies do happen.

Teens get up to so much mischief.. and far too often injury or death occurs.

Keep safe!

reply by Lana Marie on 07-Jul-2021

I had had a thought that it might?ve been fiction because it probably would?ve been too hard to write if it was your children.