One Sunny Night
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "One Sunny Night-Chapter 14"Romance of visitor to Alaska
12 total reviews
Comment from MissMerri
I regret not keeping up better with your posts, dear friend. For some reason, I don't receive notice when you post so I have to check deliberately. I found this and the following chapter, which I will do next. I always love your stories and this is no exception. In this chapter, I especially loved the descriptive passages, although your dialogue, as usual, was exceptionally written as well. I think you are great at describing the scenery and even the clothes Dani picks to wear. I would love to see more of that as it is so helpful to the reader to picture what you are seeing. As usual, I have a couple of suggestions (old English teachers never die) and hope they are helpful.
Rhonda pulled off at a hilltop so a photo of the city below could be snapped... "Rhonda parked on a hilltop to take a picture of the city below."
At Fox, a very small community, they parked in front of the Grill. "At Fox, they easily found parking right in front of the Grill."
I think this just makes things a little more clear to the reader, who doesn't have access to your brilliant mind like I do. ;p hahahaha Love you. Keep writing! MM
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I regret not keeping up better with your posts, dear friend. For some reason, I don't receive notice when you post so I have to check deliberately. I found this and the following chapter, which I will do next. I always love your stories and this is no exception. In this chapter, I especially loved the descriptive passages, although your dialogue, as usual, was exceptionally written as well. I think you are great at describing the scenery and even the clothes Dani picks to wear. I would love to see more of that as it is so helpful to the reader to picture what you are seeing. As usual, I have a couple of suggestions (old English teachers never die) and hope they are helpful.
Rhonda pulled off at a hilltop so a photo of the city below could be snapped... "Rhonda parked on a hilltop to take a picture of the city below."
At Fox, a very small community, they parked in front of the Grill. "At Fox, they easily found parking right in front of the Grill."
I think this just makes things a little more clear to the reader, who doesn't have access to your brilliant mind like I do. ;p hahahaha Love you. Keep writing! MM
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Another very big thanks for your review!!
Comment from royowen
I wonder if being greeted by the mother of the bride, may have been a surprise to Danielle or, sometimes we trip over a perception. I've often wondered what living in Alaska would be like, my perception is a wild, as yet untamed landscape, not many left on earth. Beautifully written Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2021
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I wonder if being greeted by the mother of the bride, may have been a surprise to Danielle or, sometimes we trip over a perception. I've often wondered what living in Alaska would be like, my perception is a wild, as yet untamed landscape, not many left on earth. Beautifully written Blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2021
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Thank you for taking time to read this chapter. I appreciate your comments so much.
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Well done
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I like this story. I will become a fan so I don't have to search for it. You did a good job writing and I didn't find any errors. The characters are well developed as is the scenery. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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I like this story. I will become a fan so I don't have to search for it. You did a good job writing and I didn't find any errors. The characters are well developed as is the scenery. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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I very much appreciate your comments and for taking time to read this. Many thanks!
Comment from irishauthorme
Nice, fast moving narrative with enough dialogue to accent the story. Liked the little mystery you kept about Dani's feelings for Stewart, very life--like for a young girl being confused by conflicting emotions and hesitant to make a choice.
It will be interesting to see the interaction at the wedding, and what--if any--more information Dani learns about Stewart.
irish
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Nice, fast moving narrative with enough dialogue to accent the story. Liked the little mystery you kept about Dani's feelings for Stewart, very life--like for a young girl being confused by conflicting emotions and hesitant to make a choice.
It will be interesting to see the interaction at the wedding, and what--if any--more information Dani learns about Stewart.
irish
Comment Written 30-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you for your comments and for taking time to read this chapter. You are very encouraging.
Comment from ShirleyT1
I enjoyed reading your story. I'm just jumping in, so having the list of characters was great! You are a great writer, with great characters and dialogue.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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I enjoyed reading your story. I'm just jumping in, so having the list of characters was great! You are a great writer, with great characters and dialogue.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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So glad you took time to read this chapter. Thanks for your comments.
Comment from papa55mike
Life will take you in a full circle right back to where you began. If I'm right, that's a beautiful portrait of Raquel Welch. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Life will take you in a full circle right back to where you began. If I'm right, that's a beautiful portrait of Raquel Welch. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 30-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thanks for taking time to read this. I fully appreciate your comments and high ranking.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Strong narration--believable characters and dialog--vivid imagery.
Sugg:
A buzz began on her cell phone again=>her cell phone began to buzz again.
strait=>STRAIGHT fall
With Gabe and Ron, they had dinner=>They had dinner with Gabe and Ron.
Together they cheered Ivar as he played guitar with the band [and was their main=>HE WAS THEIR LEAD] singer.
But Danielle fell short of telling=>DECLINED TO REVEAL her plans.
[She ignored offering=>DIDN'T OFFER details.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Strong narration--believable characters and dialog--vivid imagery.
Sugg:
A buzz began on her cell phone again=>her cell phone began to buzz again.
strait=>STRAIGHT fall
With Gabe and Ron, they had dinner=>They had dinner with Gabe and Ron.
Together they cheered Ivar as he played guitar with the band [and was their main=>HE WAS THEIR LEAD] singer.
But Danielle fell short of telling=>DECLINED TO REVEAL her plans.
[She ignored offering=>DIDN'T OFFER details.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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A big thanks for all changes you suggested. I sure do appreciate that and am so glad you took time to read this.
Comment from Pj Dennison
Your chapter is excellent. It was an interesting and enjoyable read. Your dialogues are natural and realistic. Your chapter held my interest to the end. I usually don't read romances but I found yours really good and interesting.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Your chapter is excellent. It was an interesting and enjoyable read. Your dialogues are natural and realistic. Your chapter held my interest to the end. I usually don't read romances but I found yours really good and interesting.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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I'm so glad you took time to read this and I very much appreciate your comments.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Sugarray77
You have written a very good piece with well thought out details, a logical flow of thoughts through your scenes and lovely imagery and narrative. Very well done.
Melissa
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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You have written a very good piece with well thought out details, a logical flow of thoughts through your scenes and lovely imagery and narrative. Very well done.
Melissa
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Melissa. I very much appreciate your comments and I'm so glad you took time to read this.
Comment from Brenda Henderson
This is an interesting and engaging story with an excellent pace. The characters are likable and you have created a flow of events that hold the reader's attention throughout and leave one with a desire to see what's next. Well done!
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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This is an interesting and engaging story with an excellent pace. The characters are likable and you have created a flow of events that hold the reader's attention throughout and leave one with a desire to see what's next. Well done!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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I very much appreciate your comments and I'm so glad you took time to read this. My next chapter just may be the last. Hope you read it too.
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You're very welcome!