Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Betrayal Chapter 38"In the title.
36 total reviews
Comment from DSchlosser
Great chapter here! I actually feel sorry for the Rapier character with his backstory. A lot of criminals tend to have messed up households and end up going on to be worse than their parents for the abuse they receive. Losing a parent like that would definitely make anyone snap if it was done in front of them. The trauma would be horrendous to deal with.
I can feel everything building up now. I feel more now that the novel revolves around Grant over Tania in the majority of these later chapters.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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Great chapter here! I actually feel sorry for the Rapier character with his backstory. A lot of criminals tend to have messed up households and end up going on to be worse than their parents for the abuse they receive. Losing a parent like that would definitely make anyone snap if it was done in front of them. The trauma would be horrendous to deal with.
I can feel everything building up now. I feel more now that the novel revolves around Grant over Tania in the majority of these later chapters.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2021
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Everyone felt a bit sorry for Rapier, but it was his choice to become the monster he was. (Lol, I do get involved with my own characters!) Thank you again, my friend, and a humongous hug for the sixth star!! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, one of your best chapters my amazing friend...
now you have me feeling sorry for Rapier (Max)...
if I had watched anyone kill my mom...and that includes my dad...that's all it would take for me to kill them...buttttt....that would be where the killing would stop...so he has no excuses...
so glad to see Jose's family got out safe...a bit scared...but still alive and kicking...
now I suggest Grant and the boys get back home...
something is starting to brew at the house...
and your not realllll good at filling in the blanks
on the last paragraphs...
this was an awesome chapter sweet girl...lots of good old action...and ya just don't want the story to stop...
very well written you...bring on the next chapter...
love you in bunches...and bunches...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2021
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Hi Sandra, one of your best chapters my amazing friend...
now you have me feeling sorry for Rapier (Max)...
if I had watched anyone kill my mom...and that includes my dad...that's all it would take for me to kill them...buttttt....that would be where the killing would stop...so he has no excuses...
so glad to see Jose's family got out safe...a bit scared...but still alive and kicking...
now I suggest Grant and the boys get back home...
something is starting to brew at the house...
and your not realllll good at filling in the blanks
on the last paragraphs...
this was an awesome chapter sweet girl...lots of good old action...and ya just don't want the story to stop...
very well written you...bring on the next chapter...
love you in bunches...and bunches...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 02-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2021
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I would have been the same if someone had killed either of my parents. But, as you say, that's where the killing would have stopped. But Rapier found out it was a nice feeling to kill. And improved on it!
Dear Linda, you always say the most lovely things, and always give me a chuckle about me 'not being very good at filling in the blanks' Lol. Love you lots, dear girl. I will try to get better, it's just I have have mental blocks by the time I get to the end of the page!!!! Lol.
Thank you for this wonderful review and all the stars, my dear friend. I hope you are okay and not having too many down moments. I'm always thinking of you. Love you more, my friend. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'm glad Grant found them. I thought he would. But Rapier is closer than they think. Can they get away in time? I'm still hoping for a meeting between Rapier and the dogs.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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I'm glad Grant found them. I thought he would. But Rapier is closer than they think. Can they get away in time? I'm still hoping for a meeting between Rapier and the dogs.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Absolutely! I felt bad knowing the children were tied up in the loft so had to get Grant's thinking hat on, lol. Thank you so much for reading this part, Cindy. I'm glad you've enjoyed reading the story. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Puurfekt Ana and the life are safe, now is Tania's turn to keep the house safe. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Puurfekt Ana and the life are safe, now is Tania's turn to keep the house safe. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Iza, I couldn't bear the children tied up in the loft, they had to be rescued guickly. Now to see what the dogs do!! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from muffinmama
No rest for the weary! Just as we get some closure, with Grant saving Anna and the children, the next crisis rears its head. Now there's a race again.
The backstory of the Rapier is another piece of the puzzle to explain his behavior. If not for his evil, it would almost arouse some sympathy. The fear of dogs that he still has is a very effective way of stalling him until the heroes arrive.
The chapter ends with a lot of tension; great hook!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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No rest for the weary! Just as we get some closure, with Grant saving Anna and the children, the next crisis rears its head. Now there's a race again.
The backstory of the Rapier is another piece of the puzzle to explain his behavior. If not for his evil, it would almost arouse some sympathy. The fear of dogs that he still has is a very effective way of stalling him until the heroes arrive.
The chapter ends with a lot of tension; great hook!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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LOL!! Oh, Ryma, I do love your review. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. It was really long, and I thought I might lose some readers, but you've all stayed with me. Thanks, my friend, and thank you big time for that golden star! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
This is an excellent chapter from beginning to end. The tension escalates
as Grant and Shadow search for Anna and the children.
The flashback section on Rapier put a little perspective into the origin
of a killer like Max Cannon.
So Grant finally realizes he is an idiot, along with his crew, none of whom
suggested someone should stay on the island to protect the person Rapier is seeking to kill. Not even Reg who is also protecting Monica. :)
Another good ending implying Sam and Ben have the scent of a killer.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
PS: an alternate ending would be to have Reg stay on the island, and there could be a great encounter/battle between the two of them, with Tania and/or Monica coming to Reg's aid. :))
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Hello Sandra,
This is an excellent chapter from beginning to end. The tension escalates
as Grant and Shadow search for Anna and the children.
The flashback section on Rapier put a little perspective into the origin
of a killer like Max Cannon.
So Grant finally realizes he is an idiot, along with his crew, none of whom
suggested someone should stay on the island to protect the person Rapier is seeking to kill. Not even Reg who is also protecting Monica. :)
Another good ending implying Sam and Ben have the scent of a killer.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
PS: an alternate ending would be to have Reg stay on the island, and there could be a great encounter/battle between the two of them, with Tania and/or Monica coming to Reg's aid. :))
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Hello, Robert, thank you so much for this lovely review. It's funny, but there is a couple of things I might change when I do the final edit, and this was one that I've got in mind. I've already written the draft of the next part, so won't change it now, not until I decide which way to go. When you read next weeks, perhaps you can tell me what you think. I always take your suggestions to heart and have acted on them several times.
I'm glad you liked this part, it was fun writing it. Now to get this book finished. Not much more. Thank you for that lovely sixth star, my friend, that is so kind of you. Warm hugs. Sandra xxxx
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Sandra.
The back story on Rapier certainly explains his motivation and his lifelong anger. Now we understand that he is ruthless and conscienceless. there is no good way to deal with people like that.
Freeing Annie and the children relieves another point of tension in the story so you can move to the next point of tension. Writing a story leaving everything hanging in tension at one time confuses the reader. The reader will often lose the perception of what they're reading. I used to say when everything is hot nothing is hot.
At the end of the chapter there is a point at which a conflict will either be resolved, or carried over. It all depends on what happens with the dogs and Rapier.
Robert
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Hello Sandra.
The back story on Rapier certainly explains his motivation and his lifelong anger. Now we understand that he is ruthless and conscienceless. there is no good way to deal with people like that.
Freeing Annie and the children relieves another point of tension in the story so you can move to the next point of tension. Writing a story leaving everything hanging in tension at one time confuses the reader. The reader will often lose the perception of what they're reading. I used to say when everything is hot nothing is hot.
At the end of the chapter there is a point at which a conflict will either be resolved, or carried over. It all depends on what happens with the dogs and Rapier.
Robert
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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That is right, Robert. The tensions in this are coming to an end as all the parts come together for that all important happy ending. Not long now. Thank you for reading this part, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
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You're welcome.
Comment from tfawcus
I thought your backstory account of Rapier's childhood was very well done. It provides a reason for his behaviour, but not an excuse. You have given this character a badly needed human face. The dogs seem to be his Achilles Heel. Let's hope they save the day!
You give a realistic account of the professional caution exercised by Grant and Shadow as they search for Anna and the children. Even though we know Rapier is elsewhere, it is a scene that continues to round out Grant's character.
A very good chapter. Well worth the $25 it's about to earn for you. LOL
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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I thought your backstory account of Rapier's childhood was very well done. It provides a reason for his behaviour, but not an excuse. You have given this character a badly needed human face. The dogs seem to be his Achilles Heel. Let's hope they save the day!
You give a realistic account of the professional caution exercised by Grant and Shadow as they search for Anna and the children. Even though we know Rapier is elsewhere, it is a scene that continues to round out Grant's character.
A very good chapter. Well worth the $25 it's about to earn for you. LOL
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Aw, thank you, Tony. I've been waiting to read your review because of what you mentioned in your last one. I'm so glad you liked what I've written about Rapier's childhood. It slipped in perfectly while he was waiting for those German shepherds to go away. I have you to thank for this part. Things will be changing gear again as I head towards the end of the book. Thank you so much for the sixth star and wonderful review, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from JudyE
The pace is quickening here and the tension building nicely.
I picked up a few points for you to think about:
Stopping to listen for any sound on the other side of the door, he gently pushed the door open, his hearing tuned for the slightest sound. - rather than use 'sound' twice, perhaps replace one with 'noise'
He turned to Shadow and nodded, then taking out their guns, they slipped inside the house. - delete comma after 'nodded'; add comma after 'then'
Grant went first again, - I might have said 'Again Grant went first'
decided not to waste anymore time. - should 'any more' be two words? I'm not sure.
Grant led the way back up the stairs taking his gun from the back of his trousers again as he went. - I would have said '... up the stairs, again taking his gun...'
He went and got Grant, - I don't much like 'went and got'.
The only excuse Grant could mentally come up with - delete 'mentally'
At fifteen years of age Max had come home from school hoping his father wasn't there. - comma after 'age'
His father's face glared down at him, his eyes wild, furious, Max had no time - period after 'furious'
Max had no time to move or speak before he felt his father's fist smashed him in his face, knocking him backwards onto the back of the door and then he slid down onto the floor. - I would rewrite this a little. Perhaps 'Max had no time to move or speak before he felt his father's fist smashing into his face, knocking him backwards onto the back of the door. He slid down onto the floor.'
Max couldn't cry, he couldn't do anything, he stood like a slab of concrete, until his father hit him around the head, screaming at him, telling him it was his fault his mother was dead. - periods after 'cry' and 'anything'
Something snapped in Max's head. His eyes spotted the knife on the table, and before he'd had a chance to think, he grabbed it and stuck it in his father's chest. - I might have said and 'plunged it deep into his....'
He remembered how good it felt, and did it again ... and again. He didn't stop until he heard the phone ring. - Maybe 'He remembered how good it felt, and struck again ... and again.'
Put on fresh clothes, then took his bloodied ones out into the garden and put them in the metal rubbish bin. - Maybe 'Put on fresh clothes, then took his bloodied ones out into the garden, placing them in the metal rubbish bin.'
He stepped inside and Grant followed. - maybe 'He stepped inside, with Grant following.'
After they'd released Anna and the children, they very gently pulled the duct tape off their mouths. - maybe 'from their mouths'
Once they were all down in their lounge, - maybe 'the lounge'
'Do not worry about us, I will call my mother and father, they live close by.' - period after 'father'
Once outside, he put a call through to Jeff and Reg, telling them to meet them at the airport and get the helicopter ready. - maybe 'telling them to go to the airport and get the helicopter ready.'
The helicopter pilot had it started and ready to go. - maybe 'The helicopter was running, ready to go.'
'I'm an absolute idiot! I should have left one of you on the island,' he said after he'd told them Anna and the kids were safe. - comma after 'said'
His eyes were pulled back, reluctantly, - maybe 'his gaze was pulled back'
With best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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The pace is quickening here and the tension building nicely.
I picked up a few points for you to think about:
Stopping to listen for any sound on the other side of the door, he gently pushed the door open, his hearing tuned for the slightest sound. - rather than use 'sound' twice, perhaps replace one with 'noise'
He turned to Shadow and nodded, then taking out their guns, they slipped inside the house. - delete comma after 'nodded'; add comma after 'then'
Grant went first again, - I might have said 'Again Grant went first'
decided not to waste anymore time. - should 'any more' be two words? I'm not sure.
Grant led the way back up the stairs taking his gun from the back of his trousers again as he went. - I would have said '... up the stairs, again taking his gun...'
He went and got Grant, - I don't much like 'went and got'.
The only excuse Grant could mentally come up with - delete 'mentally'
At fifteen years of age Max had come home from school hoping his father wasn't there. - comma after 'age'
His father's face glared down at him, his eyes wild, furious, Max had no time - period after 'furious'
Max had no time to move or speak before he felt his father's fist smashed him in his face, knocking him backwards onto the back of the door and then he slid down onto the floor. - I would rewrite this a little. Perhaps 'Max had no time to move or speak before he felt his father's fist smashing into his face, knocking him backwards onto the back of the door. He slid down onto the floor.'
Max couldn't cry, he couldn't do anything, he stood like a slab of concrete, until his father hit him around the head, screaming at him, telling him it was his fault his mother was dead. - periods after 'cry' and 'anything'
Something snapped in Max's head. His eyes spotted the knife on the table, and before he'd had a chance to think, he grabbed it and stuck it in his father's chest. - I might have said and 'plunged it deep into his....'
He remembered how good it felt, and did it again ... and again. He didn't stop until he heard the phone ring. - Maybe 'He remembered how good it felt, and struck again ... and again.'
Put on fresh clothes, then took his bloodied ones out into the garden and put them in the metal rubbish bin. - Maybe 'Put on fresh clothes, then took his bloodied ones out into the garden, placing them in the metal rubbish bin.'
He stepped inside and Grant followed. - maybe 'He stepped inside, with Grant following.'
After they'd released Anna and the children, they very gently pulled the duct tape off their mouths. - maybe 'from their mouths'
Once they were all down in their lounge, - maybe 'the lounge'
'Do not worry about us, I will call my mother and father, they live close by.' - period after 'father'
Once outside, he put a call through to Jeff and Reg, telling them to meet them at the airport and get the helicopter ready. - maybe 'telling them to go to the airport and get the helicopter ready.'
The helicopter pilot had it started and ready to go. - maybe 'The helicopter was running, ready to go.'
'I'm an absolute idiot! I should have left one of you on the island,' he said after he'd told them Anna and the kids were safe. - comma after 'said'
His eyes were pulled back, reluctantly, - maybe 'his gaze was pulled back'
With best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Hi Judy, thank you so much for this. I've made a start but I was beginning to get muddled. So I've copied and pasted it to my MS docs and will do it properly on there. I don't think there will be too many more chapters after this one, just clearing the debris, and finding out who betrayed them, and sorting out Colin and his mother. Hmm, might be a few more parts, but not many. Lol. Thanks, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Good writing. Your story is sure a mystery. Glad that it's fictional and not true. Life, like in your story, really does happen today...kind of frightening when it does but there are some bad people out there.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Good writing. Your story is sure a mystery. Glad that it's fictional and not true. Life, like in your story, really does happen today...kind of frightening when it does but there are some bad people out there.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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There certainly are, Rosemary. I've never written a book like this before, so it's quite a learning curve for me. I'm more a children's author, but this has been fun. Thank you so much for the lovely review, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx