Crumbs
100 word story3 total reviews
Comment from Leann DS
This is well written and the details are great with interesting descriptions. I'm not sure, however, what is happening. I realize there are not very many words allowed for the story, but I can't figure out what Amy has told Josh... What is Josh talking about? Maybe you could remove the part about the boy spreading biscuit crumbs and add a sentence to fill in the reader more about what is happening with Josh and Amy. Just a suggestion... in my experience, sometimes when I write, I know exactly what is going on, but my mom reads it and she's clueless, so I have to switch it up. Thank you for sharing, and Best of luck in the contest. I hope this is helpful. Hugs and blessings to you.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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This is well written and the details are great with interesting descriptions. I'm not sure, however, what is happening. I realize there are not very many words allowed for the story, but I can't figure out what Amy has told Josh... What is Josh talking about? Maybe you could remove the part about the boy spreading biscuit crumbs and add a sentence to fill in the reader more about what is happening with Josh and Amy. Just a suggestion... in my experience, sometimes when I write, I know exactly what is going on, but my mom reads it and she's clueless, so I have to switch it up. Thank you for sharing, and Best of luck in the contest. I hope this is helpful. Hugs and blessings to you.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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Great commentary- thanks for sharing zanyz
Comment from RodG
I like the way your first three paragraphs set the scene and introduce your two main characters. But you try to cram too much plot into your last paragraph. I was left confused.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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I like the way your first three paragraphs set the scene and introduce your two main characters. But you try to cram too much plot into your last paragraph. I was left confused.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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Yes you're right- thanks for sharing
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. Perhaps Amy is lonely due to being locked down.
As Josh scrolled he wondered why now.
- What is Josh scrolling through? Is he on the internet on his phone. or should this be: Josh strolled.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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Very interesting. Perhaps Amy is lonely due to being locked down.
As Josh scrolled he wondered why now.
- What is Josh scrolling through? Is he on the internet on his phone. or should this be: Josh strolled.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2021
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Thanks for reading
