Respect
Fighting back...3 total reviews
Comment from John Ciarmello
"It is sad to consider we have more rules in sports than we have in society." I hadn't realized how true this is until now. You are a comparative kaleidoscope of thought. Why don't we ever speak of Hiroshima or Nagasaki? Shame I believe while in the raw, but as time passes, we are "trained" to be a nation of the desensitized. Our senses rerouted, restructured so when a shock comes it's not such a shock at all. "And to the republic for which it stands." Not at all my friend-not at all... I love reading your work!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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"It is sad to consider we have more rules in sports than we have in society." I hadn't realized how true this is until now. You are a comparative kaleidoscope of thought. Why don't we ever speak of Hiroshima or Nagasaki? Shame I believe while in the raw, but as time passes, we are "trained" to be a nation of the desensitized. Our senses rerouted, restructured so when a shock comes it's not such a shock at all. "And to the republic for which it stands." Not at all my friend-not at all... I love reading your work!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Jay Squires
You make some solid points in your post. They are reasoned and strongly held.
Here are a few things you might look at to tighten up your post and make it an easier read.
in order to achieve status celebrity and possessions [In my opinion, this sentence either needs commas, if there are three things that man tries to achieve: Status, Celebrity, and Possession. Or, if you are talking about "Celebrity status", then you've reversed them in your sentence, and it should read "celebrity status, and possessions..."
cannot pass through the eye of a needle." [You need a quote mark before EYE.]
"In the Bible the message" [You have a real spacing problem with this piece. You need to space before this sentence, and then the next two sentences should be in the same paragraph. If you look at the layout closely, you'll see easily enough what I mean, and why proper spacing can make your post a more pleasant read.]
everyone having the freedom's, protections, and opportunities ["freedoms" should not be possessive. Remove the apostrophe.]
, and I hear their message, we still have time to avoid the Apocalypse. [After "message" you must have a period or a semicolon because what follows is a complete sentence. By not doing that, you are committing what editors call a run-on sentence.]
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2021
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You make some solid points in your post. They are reasoned and strongly held.
Here are a few things you might look at to tighten up your post and make it an easier read.
in order to achieve status celebrity and possessions [In my opinion, this sentence either needs commas, if there are three things that man tries to achieve: Status, Celebrity, and Possession. Or, if you are talking about "Celebrity status", then you've reversed them in your sentence, and it should read "celebrity status, and possessions..."
cannot pass through the eye of a needle." [You need a quote mark before EYE.]
"In the Bible the message" [You have a real spacing problem with this piece. You need to space before this sentence, and then the next two sentences should be in the same paragraph. If you look at the layout closely, you'll see easily enough what I mean, and why proper spacing can make your post a more pleasant read.]
everyone having the freedom's, protections, and opportunities ["freedoms" should not be possessive. Remove the apostrophe.]
, and I hear their message, we still have time to avoid the Apocalypse. [After "message" you must have a period or a semicolon because what follows is a complete sentence. By not doing that, you are committing what editors call a run-on sentence.]
Comment Written 12-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2021
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Thank you for a helpful critique, and ways to improve my writing.
I often create, and submit my writings without the necessary editing, and rewriting this is always necessary. Excellent may be a step I can ascend to, after I follow your recommendations. I would have settled for, "it sucks in some parts, and is therefore, presently, interesting, but not persuasive." Always nice to have an actual writer provide assistance. Thanks
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You are so welcome!
Comment from lancellot
While I understand your premise, you have several issues in this post. First, this is not a script. Recommend changing that.
Also, you have tense issues throughout.
You can go back and reedit this. It will be so much stronger.
Notes:
Rodney Dangerfield is Correct
Rodney Dangerfield is a comedian.
His main complaint is:"I don't get no respect."
- change, is, to, was. Past tense. He is dead.
n for a rich {manĂ??} to enter the kingdom of God".
- edit
In sports, everyone is on the same field, everyone is subject to the boundaries, and everyone is subject to the penalties.
- This is a false statement and thus undermines your argument. It should be true, but any sports fan, knows it is not. See. Lebron James, Jordan and so on.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2021
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While I understand your premise, you have several issues in this post. First, this is not a script. Recommend changing that.
Also, you have tense issues throughout.
You can go back and reedit this. It will be so much stronger.
Notes:
Rodney Dangerfield is Correct
Rodney Dangerfield is a comedian.
His main complaint is:"I don't get no respect."
- change, is, to, was. Past tense. He is dead.
n for a rich {manĂ??} to enter the kingdom of God".
- edit
In sports, everyone is on the same field, everyone is subject to the boundaries, and everyone is subject to the penalties.
- This is a false statement and thus undermines your argument. It should be true, but any sports fan, knows it is not. See. Lebron James, Jordan and so on.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2021
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Thanks
