Vivian goes to the Dogs!
knowing a sure bet.27 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This was so much fun to read, Mary! I love your characters. You've done a great job of developing them, and the conversation flows nicely. My only suggestion is to break the conversation into separate paragraphs between speakers, including the lead up into their speech.
The dogs for the first race were brought out.//
"Here Eddie, take this 2.00 bucks and put on #3, King Tut to win. "
Eddie, looking at the tote board objected. "Didn't you look at the odds on #3? It is a 10 to 1 shot."//
"Just do as I say." Vivian, tightening her crooked mouth, looked agitated.
Eddie returned just as he heard over the loudspeaker.// "There goes Swifty."//
The race was on, and as the dogs rounded the track, #3 King Tut, came up from behind. They both watched as he crossed the finish line first.//
Eddie let out a whoop and his loud donkey laugh made those in the Clubhouse turn their attention to him.//
"How did you pick that dog to win?" Eddie puzzled that Vivian was successful in picking out the winner.//
"Cause the dog wore gold silks and held his head up high. He reminded me of my Dan with that long nose, and Dan always wore gold chains."
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
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This was so much fun to read, Mary! I love your characters. You've done a great job of developing them, and the conversation flows nicely. My only suggestion is to break the conversation into separate paragraphs between speakers, including the lead up into their speech.
The dogs for the first race were brought out.//
"Here Eddie, take this 2.00 bucks and put on #3, King Tut to win. "
Eddie, looking at the tote board objected. "Didn't you look at the odds on #3? It is a 10 to 1 shot."//
"Just do as I say." Vivian, tightening her crooked mouth, looked agitated.
Eddie returned just as he heard over the loudspeaker.// "There goes Swifty."//
The race was on, and as the dogs rounded the track, #3 King Tut, came up from behind. They both watched as he crossed the finish line first.//
Eddie let out a whoop and his loud donkey laugh made those in the Clubhouse turn their attention to him.//
"How did you pick that dog to win?" Eddie puzzled that Vivian was successful in picking out the winner.//
"Cause the dog wore gold silks and held his head up high. He reminded me of my Dan with that long nose, and Dan always wore gold chains."
Comment Written 08-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
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Tha k for you review. I will take up your suggestion.
Regards
Mary
Comment from robyn corum
Mary,
hahahahahaha! That makes perfect sense to ME! hahahahaha I always enjoy your posts about these two characters. They are simple and to the point. You never waste time or get bogged down in lavish descriptions and nonsense. You always share delightful stories.
Some notes:
1.) Eddie removed his baseball hat and placed it on the seat beside him."
--> no quote mark at the end please
2.) a swarm of bloodsuckers attacked your head."
--> nor here since she continues speaking
3.) "Damn" I shoulda known. She would do this to me!" She never liked me that is why she came in dead last!"
--> just quote marks at the beginning and end
Thanks so much!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
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Mary,
hahahahahaha! That makes perfect sense to ME! hahahahaha I always enjoy your posts about these two characters. They are simple and to the point. You never waste time or get bogged down in lavish descriptions and nonsense. You always share delightful stories.
Some notes:
1.) Eddie removed his baseball hat and placed it on the seat beside him."
--> no quote mark at the end please
2.) a swarm of bloodsuckers attacked your head."
--> nor here since she continues speaking
3.) "Damn" I shoulda known. She would do this to me!" She never liked me that is why she came in dead last!"
--> just quote marks at the beginning and end
Thanks so much!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for the review and for capturing the quotation marks needing corrections.
Thank you for your kind words. It is appreciated.
Regards,
Mary
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! Enjoyed how you told this story. You built up the suspense about the dog choices and the reasoning didn't make any sense at all. But the last result makes as much sense as the others. Another very entertaining Vivian story!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
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Lol! Enjoyed how you told this story. You built up the suspense about the dog choices and the reasoning didn't make any sense at all. But the last result makes as much sense as the others. Another very entertaining Vivian story!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
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Thank you for your review and kind comments. It is much appreciated.
Take care and regards,
Mary
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, Mary, this sounded like it was real to me. I enjoyed reading your story. I like the way Vivian described the dogs that she picked to bet on. That last one, though it reminded her of her sister, must have been picked on purpose. Maybe she was hoping against hope that things had changed.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Haha, Mary, this sounded like it was real to me. I enjoyed reading your story. I like the way Vivian described the dogs that she picked to bet on. That last one, though it reminded her of her sister, must have been picked on purpose. Maybe she was hoping against hope that things had changed.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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I appreciate your review.
Vivian and Eddie were characters. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Hilarious! Would surely have been a contest winner. You nailed your delightfully quirky characters--brilliant build-up--and sly set-up!--as regards the stunning twist. The punchline is priceless! I look forward to more episodes of this charming pair's antics.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Hilarious! Would surely have been a contest winner. You nailed your delightfully quirky characters--brilliant build-up--and sly set-up!--as regards the stunning twist. The punchline is priceless! I look forward to more episodes of this charming pair's antics.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Thank you, I appreciate your kind words and review.
Regards and best wishes.
Mary
Comment from LisaMay
I enjoyed the humour in this piece, and how the characters of Vivian and Eddie are revealed, as well as Vivian's acquaintances via each dog's success or failure. There is a lesson also - gambling is a matter of pure luck and it is very easy for a winning streak to end in zilch.
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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I enjoyed the humour in this piece, and how the characters of Vivian and Eddie are revealed, as well as Vivian's acquaintances via each dog's success or failure. There is a lesson also - gambling is a matter of pure luck and it is very easy for a winning streak to end in zilch.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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How true, I used to go to the track with my dad, I do not remember him coming home with his pockets stuffed with money.
Thank you for your review. It is appreciated.
Regards,
Mary
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fun well written post and I enjoyed the interaction of these two characters at the dog race track, you brought their personalities, a very entertaining piece, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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A fun well written post and I enjoyed the interaction of these two characters at the dog race track, you brought their personalities, a very entertaining piece, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Thank you Dolly, I appreciate your review and kind thoughts.
Regards,
Mary
