A Vampire's Survival
The Variants of Vampires contest entry14 total reviews
Comment from Sherry Asbury
OMG - this is so funny!! Great writing - sexy artwork - if ever a vampire comes my way may he look like this picture! I take so many meds he would probably fly away screaming, lol Just excellent and a story that will stay with me - whether I want it to or not!
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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OMG - this is so funny!! Great writing - sexy artwork - if ever a vampire comes my way may he look like this picture! I take so many meds he would probably fly away screaming, lol Just excellent and a story that will stay with me - whether I want it to or not!
Comment Written 22-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Sherry. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked my little tale.
=]
Ron
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Loved it - more, please!!
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Lol. I'll see what I can do. Have yourself a great night.
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Hang garlic in the doorway!!
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is about the best one I've read so far. I can imagine how difficult it was to come up with some strange idea for the vampire to eat. It was a surprise ending. Good job~
Good luck with the contest!
Patty
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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This is about the best one I've read so far. I can imagine how difficult it was to come up with some strange idea for the vampire to eat. It was a surprise ending. Good job~
Good luck with the contest!
Patty
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Patty. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
Ron
Comment from LyndaS
HAHA! Giving you a sixer on this for how easily you laid that hook in, reeling me through a spooky tale all the way to it's surprise ending. Lifesavers. lol Love the pic. It sets the reader up from the get go. This is a pretty cool out-of-the-box entry into this prompt. It's got winner written all over it. Nice job, Mr. Skulls.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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HAHA! Giving you a sixer on this for how easily you laid that hook in, reeling me through a spooky tale all the way to it's surprise ending. Lifesavers. lol Love the pic. It sets the reader up from the get go. This is a pretty cool out-of-the-box entry into this prompt. It's got winner written all over it. Nice job, Mr. Skulls.
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the giant sixer, Lynda. I'm glad you liked this silly story.
=]
Ron
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Ingenious! One-of-a-kind for sure. Masterful lead up to the startling punchline. This may be a winner.
hapless=>HELPLESS as a baby
glared implies anger; sugg: stared
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Ingenious! One-of-a-kind for sure. Masterful lead up to the startling punchline. This may be a winner.
hapless=>HELPLESS as a baby
glared implies anger; sugg: stared
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the great review, Elizabeth. I really appreciate the generous stars and help. I fixed the goof. I was thinking 'hapless' was meaning something else but I was clearly incorrect. Lol. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Thank you again.
=]
Ron
Comment from Wendy G
I very much enjoyed the twist at the end! Vampire stories don't have to be all about blood and guts if one is creative! I like the original thinking, and the build-up of suspense. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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I very much enjoyed the twist at the end! Vampire stories don't have to be all about blood and guts if one is creative! I like the original thinking, and the build-up of suspense. Well done.
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Wendy. Yes, not all of theme need to be blood and gore. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Thank you again.
Ron
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, you made me smile here and maybe a garlic flavoured LifeSaver might have helped her escape! A fun post and you drew me into your vampire write here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Ha ha ha, you made me smile here and maybe a garlic flavoured LifeSaver might have helped her escape! A fun post and you drew me into your vampire write here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Haha, a garlic flavored LifeSaver. Lol. Too funny. Thank you for the great review and gracious stars, Dolly. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
Ron
Comment from lancellot
Ah, you wrote a good story. One contradiction when he said, Willingly, she'd give me anything, but before that he said he put her in a hypnotic trance. So, it's not willing. Anyway, good writing. The ending though, also conflicts with everything before it, but I get you wanted to subvert expectations. Oh well. Good luck to you.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Ah, you wrote a good story. One contradiction when he said, Willingly, she'd give me anything, but before that he said he put her in a hypnotic trance. So, it's not willing. Anyway, good writing. The ending though, also conflicts with everything before it, but I get you wanted to subvert expectations. Oh well. Good luck to you.
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the great review, Lancellot. Yeah, I didn't look into it that closely to catch the goofs. Lol. What can you do? Haha. I really appreciate the generous stars. Have a great day.
Ron
Comment from royowen
How very odd, I hadn't read the conditions of the contest, so I was taken completely by surprise, and that's the purpose of these contests, right? Well done, good job, blessings Roy
Typo : She was (as hapless )as helpless as?
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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How very odd, I hadn't read the conditions of the contest, so I was taken completely by surprise, and that's the purpose of these contests, right? Well done, good job, blessings Roy
Typo : She was (as hapless )as helpless as?
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the great review and the generous stars, Roy. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
Ron
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Most welcome Ron
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, A Vampire's Survival, certainly ends on a note I could not have foreseen. I was shuffling through all of the probable conclusions, but this one caught me flatfooted.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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This story, A Vampire's Survival, certainly ends on a note I could not have foreseen. I was shuffling through all of the probable conclusions, but this one caught me flatfooted.
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the great review and stars, Bill. Yeah, I was going for a huge surprise ending. Lol. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Have yourself a great day.
Ron
Comment from Jay Squires
Dang, I like a good vampire story. And this one is good. It has a crazy twist at the end that gives it that unexpected difference. That said, I did find a few things that might enhance its effectiveness even more.
I held her arms tight and glared into her eyes as she, too, glared into mine. [Consider other verb forms than "glare". To glare has anger and defiance in it, which I suppose is okay for the Vampire, but certainly not for the lady, unless she is challenging him. I would use something more like "stared, wide-eyed", which still doesn't feel quite right, but is more effective than glared. You might even get away from using an "eye prompt" anyway and work more with something like "she slumped, trembling in his hands.]
I was so close I could smell her breath. [My first thought was "Ewww!" Why not, in light of the kicker below, use "sweet breath"?]
I don't see why this shouldn't reach the top of the stack of finalists for the contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Dang, I like a good vampire story. And this one is good. It has a crazy twist at the end that gives it that unexpected difference. That said, I did find a few things that might enhance its effectiveness even more.
I held her arms tight and glared into her eyes as she, too, glared into mine. [Consider other verb forms than "glare". To glare has anger and defiance in it, which I suppose is okay for the Vampire, but certainly not for the lady, unless she is challenging him. I would use something more like "stared, wide-eyed", which still doesn't feel quite right, but is more effective than glared. You might even get away from using an "eye prompt" anyway and work more with something like "she slumped, trembling in his hands.]
I was so close I could smell her breath. [My first thought was "Ewww!" Why not, in light of the kicker below, use "sweet breath"?]
I don't see why this shouldn't reach the top of the stack of finalists for the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review and pointers, Jay. Yeah, 'glared' wasn't the right word in either circumstance there. I was tired and pressed for time when I wrote this silliness. Yes, I should have mentioned her 'fresh' breath too. Lol. I really appreciate the generous stars, friend. I'm glad you liked this ridiculous piece. Have yourself a great night.
Ron
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My pleasure, Ron. I'm gracious for your maturity in accepting some of my notes. Not all writers do.There's an awful lot of thin skin on FanStory. The mature ones, like you, will grow. Others will probably give it up over time.