The Space Launch
Adventure in a small town27 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
What a fabulous story you've written, here. Sure to be a contender. You have such a knack for storytelling. Your pace is superb. You know what parts of the storyline to develop with the characters' actions, and what to gloss over with narration. Good sense of timing with your humor. Your characters are likable and kid-like. It puts the reader in a kind of reminiscent mood, perfect for your story.
Here are a few notes I took while reading. They are totally my opinion, So, take what works and leave the rest on the drawing board.
Walter Cronkite says that the space launch will take place on Saturday, August 7th. [since everything else that follows is in the past tense, So should this first sentence. I suggest changing "says" to "said".
However, my friends and I hatched another plan. [A little suggestion here, take it or leave it. This is kind of a baited hook statement. I love it! It's so effective at drawing in the reader, that, I FEEL, it deserves a paragraph of its own. Give that sentence some *pop*! You might even consider giving the "However" a little more punch by slipping it in the middle of the sentence, after "I"! Just a thought.]
It seemed like all 2,000 residents of our little town [I wonder if other readers were as confused as I about what your mother agreed to. I thought all you girls were taking a flight to The Cape. I actually thought that Mary's house was the rendezvous for you to go to the airport together. I was not even deterred when you bought the Chef Boyardee Pizza mix. I just figured it would go in someone's suitcase. JMF (do you mind my using your given name?), I really would set the reader straight about that matter early on. Sure, they'll soon figure it out, but wouldn't you rather control where their mind goes while you write?]
I would be surprised if yours doesn't rise to the top of the judges' finalist pile. Good luck!
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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What a fabulous story you've written, here. Sure to be a contender. You have such a knack for storytelling. Your pace is superb. You know what parts of the storyline to develop with the characters' actions, and what to gloss over with narration. Good sense of timing with your humor. Your characters are likable and kid-like. It puts the reader in a kind of reminiscent mood, perfect for your story.
Here are a few notes I took while reading. They are totally my opinion, So, take what works and leave the rest on the drawing board.
Walter Cronkite says that the space launch will take place on Saturday, August 7th. [since everything else that follows is in the past tense, So should this first sentence. I suggest changing "says" to "said".
However, my friends and I hatched another plan. [A little suggestion here, take it or leave it. This is kind of a baited hook statement. I love it! It's so effective at drawing in the reader, that, I FEEL, it deserves a paragraph of its own. Give that sentence some *pop*! You might even consider giving the "However" a little more punch by slipping it in the middle of the sentence, after "I"! Just a thought.]
It seemed like all 2,000 residents of our little town [I wonder if other readers were as confused as I about what your mother agreed to. I thought all you girls were taking a flight to The Cape. I actually thought that Mary's house was the rendezvous for you to go to the airport together. I was not even deterred when you bought the Chef Boyardee Pizza mix. I just figured it would go in someone's suitcase. JMF (do you mind my using your given name?), I really would set the reader straight about that matter early on. Sure, they'll soon figure it out, but wouldn't you rather control where their mind goes while you write?]
I would be surprised if yours doesn't rise to the top of the judges' finalist pile. Good luck!
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thanks Jay,
Your review is most welcome and so very helpful. I have made the changes you suggested and it reads much better.
It has been fun to remember adventures in my little town. One of my friends is putting together a book of memories from growing up in Youngsville, PA. He plans on giving any proceeds to the local library there. His project has caused me to reminisce about life in a small town in the '50s. It's been fun to write about.
Thank you again. Your recommendations have certainly improved the story.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Deborah Mosher
Great job and a great story. The description of all your guys' excitement is well done, it almost feels like I'm there experiencing it with you all. Great work, and keep it up.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Great job and a great story. The description of all your guys' excitement is well done, it almost feels like I'm there experiencing it with you all. Great work, and keep it up.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you Deborah for the encouraging review. I greatly appreciate it.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from lancellot
This was a very nice story. Sometimes the big event is the people you are with and the enjoyment you gain from friendship and a child's imagination. Yeah, I can see that night being better than the real thing for you all.
Well told.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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This was a very nice story. Sometimes the big event is the people you are with and the enjoyment you gain from friendship and a child's imagination. Yeah, I can see that night being better than the real thing for you all.
Well told.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I greatly appreciate it.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Lance S. Loria
What a truly terrific and fun childhood memo. You told the story in a way that pulled the reader into your circle of friends that even I ing in 1958. Great job of writing and storytelling.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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What a truly terrific and fun childhood memo. You told the story in a way that pulled the reader into your circle of friends that even I ing in 1958. Great job of writing and storytelling.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you Lance for the encouraging review. I greatly appreciate it.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from robyn corum
Janet,
What a fun story! I love the ending, too. That you remember this night so clearly - even though you missed the big show. I think this is the kind of night that school girls relive as they age. Just the girls, kicked back and being girls. I like it!
A note:
* "It's history in the making(,) Mom(,)" I pleaded as I
Thanks!
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Janet,
What a fun story! I love the ending, too. That you remember this night so clearly - even though you missed the big show. I think this is the kind of night that school girls relive as they age. Just the girls, kicked back and being girls. I like it!
A note:
* "It's history in the making(,) Mom(,)" I pleaded as I
Thanks!
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you Robyn for the encouraging review. I greatly appreciate it. Thanks too for the punctuation suggestion. I changed it immediately.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from estory
This is a great nostalgic narrative of the space program and how it fascinated us in those days. Its also a portrait in many ways of a simpler time, when all your mom had to worry about was whether you were smoking Lucky Strikes. This brought back many memories for me, of watching the Gemini and Apollo programs in the sixties, including that lunar landing, which my mother let us stay up for because it was in July and school was out. As I remember, it was around midnight when they landed. Also the ill fated Apollo 13, and how riveted we were by hoping they would be brought back safe after that explosion. estory
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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This is a great nostalgic narrative of the space program and how it fascinated us in those days. Its also a portrait in many ways of a simpler time, when all your mom had to worry about was whether you were smoking Lucky Strikes. This brought back many memories for me, of watching the Gemini and Apollo programs in the sixties, including that lunar landing, which my mother let us stay up for because it was in July and school was out. As I remember, it was around midnight when they landed. Also the ill fated Apollo 13, and how riveted we were by hoping they would be brought back safe after that explosion. estory
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I greatly appreciate it and I'm glad it brought back good memories for you.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from William Stephenson1
I too grew up in a small town not too far from yours. It's called Chautauqua, NY, near Jamestown. In the winter there was just a few
hundred and we had the place to ourselves. It was a wonderful place to grow up and have friends like yours. Thank you for sharing your memory with us. I'm sure many of us were able to use it to recall our own.
Bill
Stephenson
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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I too grew up in a small town not too far from yours. It's called Chautauqua, NY, near Jamestown. In the winter there was just a few
hundred and we had the place to ourselves. It was a wonderful place to grow up and have friends like yours. Thank you for sharing your memory with us. I'm sure many of us were able to use it to recall our own.
Bill
Stephenson
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you Bill for the encouraging review. I love Chautauqua Lake and the institute. Youngsville is about 30 - 40 miles from there but I lived many years in Lander, PA which is between Sugar Grove and Russell. So even closer to Chautauqua. Many trips to the lake and the institute and to the little town of Chautauqua. My kids when to camps there. Happy memories. So good to hear from you Bill.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from irishauthorme
This is an amazing, lively story that moves at a fast pace! Reads as true, exactly what a group of girls do when they are together. The 'Secret Cigarettes' gave me a laugh, my sisters and me and my brother didi the same thing when my Mom was alive. Also hid some of the alcohol, drinking vodka because it didn't smell so strong.
Delightful twist when you missed the liftoff, we watched that one, dismayed at all the delays. Man, have they come a long ways from back then with the latest Mars landings!
Cheers,
irish
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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This is an amazing, lively story that moves at a fast pace! Reads as true, exactly what a group of girls do when they are together. The 'Secret Cigarettes' gave me a laugh, my sisters and me and my brother didi the same thing when my Mom was alive. Also hid some of the alcohol, drinking vodka because it didn't smell so strong.
Delightful twist when you missed the liftoff, we watched that one, dismayed at all the delays. Man, have they come a long ways from back then with the latest Mars landings!
Cheers,
irish
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you Irish for the fun and encouraging review. I greatly appreciate it a hearing about your antics with the secret cigarettes. There was only beer in our house but we did try it with many variations. Thankfully I never learned to inhale and I didn't like the taste of beer. :))))
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Zan Zan
May this story reach new heights of success and continue to rise higher in your life and career. All the Best. In love love love love with it. never stop writing.
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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May this story reach new heights of success and continue to rise higher in your life and career. All the Best. In love love love love with it. never stop writing.
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you ZanZan for the encouraging review I greatly appreciate it.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a great story, Janet. I found it interesting and entertaining. I didn't see any nits either.
Well done my friend and Good luck in the contest.
Nancy:)
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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This is a great story, Janet. I found it interesting and entertaining. I didn't see any nits either.
Well done my friend and Good luck in the contest.
Nancy:)
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 21-May-2021
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Thank you Nancy for the encouraging review and the good wishes. I greatly appreciate it and always appreciate hearing from you.
Blessings
Janet
