Comment from pharp

Excellent

Jake,


Thanks for sharing this poem, I am not familiar with this form, but I am always trying to pen different types of poetry. I see that it creates a spin on things with the repeated line. I'm not good at penning free verse, but I might give it a try.

Portia

 Comment Written 17-May-2021

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reply by the author on 18-May-2021

thanks it was fun writing it

Comment from Mary Vigasin

Excellent

I do not know much (if any) about poetry form, so I have to always go by my liking the tone and words and I like this one. Particularly, that "the coffee hits me" being repeated if it hits your hard in the morning, it is going to have that same punch at night.
Very well done.
Regards,
Mary

 Comment Written 16-May-2021

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reply by the author on 18-May-2021

thanks glad you appreciated it

Comment from Bill Schott

Good

This pirouette, Coffee Nightmares, is presented with one of the three requirements completed. Your poem has two points of view:
Coffee in the morning and coffee before bed.
After that you present only nine of the expected ten lines.
Of those, lines 2, 3, and 6 have 7 syllables.

Sorry, Jake. This one need one more line before the repeating ones and a few less syllables.

Hope you are well.

Happy day, Bill

 Comment Written 16-May-2021

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reply by the author on 18-May-2021

Bill, thanks for the suggestions. I can always count on you for constructive comments.

Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock

Excellent

The intention seems to resemble the intention of a Sonnet. It appears to be an interesting form. A double-take on some subject is necessary so it gets the mind stirring. Nicely done.

Ralf

 Comment Written 16-May-2021

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reply by the author on 18-May-2021

thanks Ralf I did not connect this to a sonnet form