Splash
An unfortunate outcome for the fly.2 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
Those fish are so fast, aren't they?!
I enjoyed reading your haiku. You paint a picture in my mind and I can hear the splash as the fish leaps and reenters the pond. Poor mayfly!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra :)
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
  |
Those fish are so fast, aren't they?!
I enjoyed reading your haiku. You paint a picture in my mind and I can hear the splash as the fish leaps and reenters the pond. Poor mayfly!
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra :)
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
-
Thank you for your review and encouraging words.
-
You're welcome :)
Comment from Eternal Muse
This haiku has great imagery and visuals. I can just picture this fish skimming the water. Good word choices and great artwork!
I thought a traditional haiku has to have two interconnecting lines of concrete imagery and satori. Each of your three lines stand on their own. Since it is a site sponsored contest, they will be looking at it very closely.
Just wanted to bring it to your attention.
Suggestion:
mild breeze, placid pond
with mayfly skimming water
an echoing splash
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
|
This haiku has great imagery and visuals. I can just picture this fish skimming the water. Good word choices and great artwork!
I thought a traditional haiku has to have two interconnecting lines of concrete imagery and satori. Each of your three lines stand on their own. Since it is a site sponsored contest, they will be looking at it very closely.
Just wanted to bring it to your attention.
Suggestion:
mild breeze, placid pond
with mayfly skimming water
an echoing splash
Comment Written 15-May-2021
reply by the author on 15-May-2021
-
Thanks for the heads-up and the suggestion. Will edit.
