The Pig Pen
Every guy needs a place to hang out15 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your contest entry, Mystery Author. Your story sounds just like one of something boys would do and call it boys being boys. Mother maybe knew about the magazine, but she surely knew the pig pen was an eyesore of the neighborhood. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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You did a good job with your contest entry, Mystery Author. Your story sounds just like one of something boys would do and call it boys being boys. Mother maybe knew about the magazine, but she surely knew the pig pen was an eyesore of the neighborhood. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you Jan. It sounds like you know boys fairly well. Now, as men some of us have "man-caves" or dens. Call it what you will, it's nice to have a place of your own to retreat to.
Comment from Begin Again
The clever ingenuity of young boys and their secret spots away from Mom and other prying eyes. It always has to come to an end at some point in town. Very cleverly written and easy to enjoy. Good luck in the contest. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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The clever ingenuity of young boys and their secret spots away from Mom and other prying eyes. It always has to come to an end at some point in town. Very cleverly written and easy to enjoy. Good luck in the contest. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you Carol. As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. That's part of growing up I guess.
Comment from Erika Seshadri
UPDATE: Nice improvements!
This short story for The Old Farmhouse writing prompt entry is a nicely written piece about a place where kids hang out and a mom tells them to get rid of it.
A couple of suggestions:
I got a count of 249 words. I'm not sure if this is one of those contests where it has to be exact, but you might check.
While well-written, I personally feel like the story is lacking a little oomph. Where's the climax? Is the part about the boys getting away with smoking and reading girlie mags? That's certainly realistic, but this is fiction. Maybe go for something a little more wild??
Anyway, that's just my two cents. Take it or flush it. Up to you.
Have a great week.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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UPDATE: Nice improvements!
This short story for The Old Farmhouse writing prompt entry is a nicely written piece about a place where kids hang out and a mom tells them to get rid of it.
A couple of suggestions:
I got a count of 249 words. I'm not sure if this is one of those contests where it has to be exact, but you might check.
While well-written, I personally feel like the story is lacking a little oomph. Where's the climax? Is the part about the boys getting away with smoking and reading girlie mags? That's certainly realistic, but this is fiction. Maybe go for something a little more wild??
Anyway, that's just my two cents. Take it or flush it. Up to you.
Have a great week.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thanks for the review and the suggestions Erika. I'll give it some thought and see what develops. So frustrating to have so few words, but I guess that's the challenge.
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Yes, the short word count definitely makes it challenging. I honestly suck at these, so IDK, maybe I'm not the one to be giving advice, but I feel like just a little more zap could make all the difference in yours.
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I took your advice and that of another author and re-wrote it. I'm not sure if it makes a lot of sense, but I hope it sounds a little better. Thanks for the suggestions.
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Yes, its much better! You gave it some urgency and a little more humor. I'm bumping my rating up to five.
Comment from Bonnie Seach
An interesting story. To entice a reader here are the following suggestions:
1. Organize line and paragraph spacing to make it reader friendly. Google this to find examples and assistance
2. Add dialogue. Readers enjoy dialogue in a story. It advances the plot compellingly. Dialogue should not be chit chat. It should transport the reader from one stimulating point to another
Following these suggestions should raise your story to a higher rating. All the best
Best wishes
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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An interesting story. To entice a reader here are the following suggestions:
1. Organize line and paragraph spacing to make it reader friendly. Google this to find examples and assistance
2. Add dialogue. Readers enjoy dialogue in a story. It advances the plot compellingly. Dialogue should not be chit chat. It should transport the reader from one stimulating point to another
Following these suggestions should raise your story to a higher rating. All the best
Best wishes
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thanks so much for your review. Unfortunately I'm limited to 250 words. If there was no limit, I'm sure I could enhance the story.
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The suggestions apply to short stories and long stories. They have assisted authors to advance. All the best
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thanks so much!
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All the best
Comment from kahpot
A wonderful read, boys need a hang out of their own, in the second last line-" smoking cigarettes our of the...." I think this should be (out of...) very well written and certainly brings back memories, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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A wonderful read, boys need a hang out of their own, in the second last line-" smoking cigarettes our of the...." I think this should be (out of...) very well written and certainly brings back memories, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thanks for the kind review Kahpot, and for pointing out my error. I'll go correct it.
