500 Days-Welcome To Horrified
From the band in my head3 total reviews
Comment from Pj Dennison
Your lyrics/poem is excellent. Your rhythm scheme is very good and there is a strong meter. The subject matter is not too overly cryptic and can be understood as a doomsday aria of sorts. Of course it works very well with metal.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Your lyrics/poem is excellent. Your rhythm scheme is very good and there is a strong meter. The subject matter is not too overly cryptic and can be understood as a doomsday aria of sorts. Of course it works very well with metal.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you much, P. J
Comment from DentedSyke
As lyrics for a song, they are nearly where they need to be. The pre-chorus and the chorus are fantastic. I can feel a driving metal beat and hear guitars shredding! But, your verses let you down. Consider this verse:
Nearing the bottom of water so dark
The beast has left his narcissist's mark
Swamp bottom littered with high ideals
This is how decline looks and feels
Using words like "beast" and "narcissist" just don't cut it now. But I will say this: the last line of this verse is killer! This tells me that you can write quality lyrics. Focus on the message. The chorus is great, but the verses are putting you in reverse.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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As lyrics for a song, they are nearly where they need to be. The pre-chorus and the chorus are fantastic. I can feel a driving metal beat and hear guitars shredding! But, your verses let you down. Consider this verse:
Nearing the bottom of water so dark
The beast has left his narcissist's mark
Swamp bottom littered with high ideals
This is how decline looks and feels
Using words like "beast" and "narcissist" just don't cut it now. But I will say this: the last line of this verse is killer! This tells me that you can write quality lyrics. Focus on the message. The chorus is great, but the verses are putting you in reverse.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you, DS
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You have talent. Really
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Thank you much, DS
Comment from Jill McCauslin
I definitely agree with your sentiment though I had to leave the poem to verify what I thought you were saying. Should I know what the 500 days in the title refers to? I like the rhyming scheme you've done and the repetition of words. Good job!
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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I definitely agree with your sentiment though I had to leave the poem to verify what I thought you were saying. Should I know what the 500 days in the title refers to? I like the rhyming scheme you've done and the repetition of words. Good job!
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thanks, Jill; just a band name I thought sounded good, there is no band called that that I'm aware of
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Oh, I get it. I was confused! Thanks for clarifying.
