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Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Magnificent Movers"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
10 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm sorry I didn't find this book before, but maybe it isn't necessary to understand the chapters. This one, at least, is wonderful read on it's own. I love the jamming, and the stories that these women have about assisting abused women. Very well written. I think I'll follow from now on.
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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I'm sorry I didn't find this book before, but maybe it isn't necessary to understand the chapters. This one, at least, is wonderful read on it's own. I love the jamming, and the stories that these women have about assisting abused women. Very well written. I think I'll follow from now on.
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. If you are interested, you can go to my portfolio. Chapters 1-13 are about us rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation. There is no need to write a review. Just enjoy. Every chapter is suspenseful.
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Thank you, Liz.🤗
Comment from Leann DS
This is a nicely done chapter. The dialogue and storytelling within that is natural and realistic. It flows along nicely. I think the imagery and details may be expanded upon if you want. I did not notice any typos at all. Well done. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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This is a nicely done chapter. The dialogue and storytelling within that is natural and realistic. It flows along nicely. I think the imagery and details may be expanded upon if you want. I did not notice any typos at all. Well done. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I know I could have written more, but don't want to make the length too daunting.
Comment from DentedSyke
I like this. I really do. The story needs to be told because we, as a society, do not do enough to protect or aid our vulnerable population. I commend you for your work in this area, and for making these women's plights public.
I liked the beatbox; it was stellar! However, I think the dialogue is a little too clean and antiseptic for the story. I'm certainly not suggesting that you use foul language. Not even! But consider this passage:
Tommy looked up at the rearview mirror as he said, "You two have done a lot of good for people over the years. Wow, when I needed to move out of my home on the Rez I had to get so many things and that was just me. You two are helping individuals and families."
"It was exciting watching the women and their families settling into their new apartments. We have a lot of stories about moving the women in."
I believe that this story would benefit from less dialogue, and less dialogue where there is an abundance of praise. Not that the praise is bad, and it may even be realistic, but a fiction story works better with less dialogue, in general, and it works better when then the dialogue is short and sharp.
Still, you have an amazing story and I can see the talent you have for writing. Keep it up!
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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I like this. I really do. The story needs to be told because we, as a society, do not do enough to protect or aid our vulnerable population. I commend you for your work in this area, and for making these women's plights public.
I liked the beatbox; it was stellar! However, I think the dialogue is a little too clean and antiseptic for the story. I'm certainly not suggesting that you use foul language. Not even! But consider this passage:
Tommy looked up at the rearview mirror as he said, "You two have done a lot of good for people over the years. Wow, when I needed to move out of my home on the Rez I had to get so many things and that was just me. You two are helping individuals and families."
"It was exciting watching the women and their families settling into their new apartments. We have a lot of stories about moving the women in."
I believe that this story would benefit from less dialogue, and less dialogue where there is an abundance of praise. Not that the praise is bad, and it may even be realistic, but a fiction story works better with less dialogue, in general, and it works better when then the dialogue is short and sharp.
Still, you have an amazing story and I can see the talent you have for writing. Keep it up!
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you for your supportive enthusiastic review. If you want to you can go to my portfolio to read ch. 1-13 about Linda & me rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation. Every chapter is suspenseful. There is no need for a review. Just enjoy it.
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Thanks, Liz. I'll do that.
Comment from Pj Dennison
This chapter is exceptional from lyrics to the narrative part of the story. I was right there sitting in the car with Linda and Liz. You made your characters come to life through the stories they told without even describing these ladies, I saw them in my mind and I heard them in my thoughts. This is the first chapter in your book that I have read. As a Navajo (DIne') I thank you for bringing to light the issue trafficking of teens and women. Unfortunately, it is prevalent on our reservation that covers parts of four states. Some statistics conclude that 40% of females in trafficking rings are Indigenous (First People).
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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This chapter is exceptional from lyrics to the narrative part of the story. I was right there sitting in the car with Linda and Liz. You made your characters come to life through the stories they told without even describing these ladies, I saw them in my mind and I heard them in my thoughts. This is the first chapter in your book that I have read. As a Navajo (DIne') I thank you for bringing to light the issue trafficking of teens and women. Unfortunately, it is prevalent on our reservation that covers parts of four states. Some statistics conclude that 40% of females in trafficking rings are Indigenous (First People).
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. If you want to read the chapters 1-13, they about our rescuing the 10 Native teens. I work the injustices of the statistics in here too. I hope it raises some awareness. I did a lot of research. Please go to my portfolio. There is no need to do a review. Just enjoy.
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Yes, I look forward to reading those chapters. Thank you.
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wonderful
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Your rap to the beat is so fun: "Magnificent movers is who we are
We go by truck or we go by car
We work in rain or eat in the shine
Or visa versa we don't mind" Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Your rap to the beat is so fun: "Magnificent movers is who we are
We go by truck or we go by car
We work in rain or eat in the shine
Or visa versa we don't mind" Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The description in this post is particularly entertaining - for example the references to beatbox, and furthermore it is done in such a way that the story is moved along smoothly.
potential SPAG for your consideration;
and not it is time > and now it is time
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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The description in this post is particularly entertaining - for example the references to beatbox, and furthermore it is done in such a way that the story is moved along smoothly.
potential SPAG for your consideration;
and not it is time > and now it is time
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Bonnie Seach
Excellent. Well written, well spaced, dynamic, reader friendly, informative, educational. And spliced with decent humour: the catchy rapping. I am enthused! Every success to you
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Excellent. Well written, well spaced, dynamic, reader friendly, informative, educational. And spliced with decent humour: the catchy rapping. I am enthused! Every success to you
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Well done
Comment from aryr
A fantastic continuation chapter Liz, I really enjoyed reading the song about the Magnificent Movers, I even put a tune to it lol. I loved the shares of Linda and Liz. Now the two ladies were puzzled about the sign and the implications of Tommy. Very well done.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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A fantastic continuation chapter Liz, I really enjoyed reading the song about the Magnificent Movers, I even put a tune to it lol. I loved the shares of Linda and Liz. Now the two ladies were puzzled about the sign and the implications of Tommy. Very well done.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you for your fun review. I put tunes to some people stuff when I hear it too. We're going back to talk about our strange experience with Kai Zita in the car.
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You are so welcome Liz, it was a strange experience, wasn't it.
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yes, it was
Comment from Mabaker12
You get the shiny one for your rap, First a poet, now a rapper I feel in illustrious company, but they only allow me one six! Dern. I enjoyed the story Liz, that relaxed style, banter back and forth is terrific to read and keeps the reader reading. Love U Anne.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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You get the shiny one for your rap, First a poet, now a rapper I feel in illustrious company, but they only allow me one six! Dern. I enjoyed the story Liz, that relaxed style, banter back and forth is terrific to read and keeps the reader reading. Love U Anne.
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Your review brings a big smile for me. Thank you for your support & for the 6 shiny ones.
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You know the Mabaker motto; "You earn 'em you get 'em, You did.
Comment from lyenochka
This is a creative post! I like the song and beatboxing you added to let Tommy know what our heroines had done before. What a beautiful thing to do to help these ladies. Our church volunteers with a group that does precisely that kind of thing. Ooomph! Those sofabeds are TOO heavy!
telling his stories and not it is time (now? instead of "not" ?)
"The last verse has quite a story to it, doesn't it Linda." ("verse"?) When I saw "verse" I went back to the song looking for the reference but it seems you really meant the last person that L & L helped.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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This is a creative post! I like the song and beatboxing you added to let Tommy know what our heroines had done before. What a beautiful thing to do to help these ladies. Our church volunteers with a group that does precisely that kind of thing. Ooomph! Those sofabeds are TOO heavy!
telling his stories and not it is time (now? instead of "not" ?)
"The last verse has quite a story to it, doesn't it Linda." ("verse"?) When I saw "verse" I went back to the song looking for the reference but it seems you really meant the last person that L & L helped.
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.