Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 125 "Happily Ever After"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
2 total reviews
Comment from Ritasher
A beautiful way to remind yourself of what this all creating is about. The last line feels like a wish to never stop doing what you're doing your own way. I do agree with you - it's never too late for happily ever after, it's us who can bend our destiny, after all!
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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A beautiful way to remind yourself of what this all creating is about. The last line feels like a wish to never stop doing what you're doing your own way. I do agree with you - it's never too late for happily ever after, it's us who can bend our destiny, after all!
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thanks, Ritasher. Any suggestions for improvement?
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Hmm, just in my opinion, unless the poem has a different purpose and structure (like haiku), rhyme always makes it sound better and message stronger :)
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Yeah, I prefer rhyming poems too.
Rhyme and haiku. Hm.... I'll give it a try.
Comment from lyenochka
I do like the expression of what moves you to write but I feel I need more background to understand your 5-7-5. It speaks to me of motivation, not of faith so I don't know if this is in the right contest.
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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I do like the expression of what moves you to write but I feel I need more background to understand your 5-7-5. It speaks to me of motivation, not of faith so I don't know if this is in the right contest.
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Good point. My friend's brother lacks faith in his sister's writings. The poem really doesn't explain that point of contention between us. There may be a better way for me to word the differences between her brother and me. The biggest thing is he is an atheist, but even atheists can have faith. He lacks it. Maybe because he doesn't practice having it. I dunno. Just speculating. :) I'll work on it. Deadline is still some ways away, right?
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You're not limited to 5-7-5. Create a suite of them and discuss the lack of faith and then move into a flow that leads to faith. You have 5 days!
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Yup! I just did a re-write. I'll work on it more later, too.
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Much better. But can you add something that implies that faith in writing more - that belief that the writing will touch a heart and make a difference?
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Mmm... good idea
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Mmm... good idea
