More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "A Letter from Home - 1943"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
34 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This turnabout casts a new light on the story. The complexity of this situation would truly affect his sister and her loved ones, but how? So, Peter Allen is once again ensconced in the Jericho Farm history. What will be his conclusion regarding this, is anybody's guess. But, for certain he will not let it lie dormant.
Ralf
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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This turnabout casts a new light on the story. The complexity of this situation would truly affect his sister and her loved ones, but how? So, Peter Allen is once again ensconced in the Jericho Farm history. What will be his conclusion regarding this, is anybody's guess. But, for certain he will not let it lie dormant.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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All will become clear soon enough. Many thanks for this supportive review. I am so pleased that you continue to enjoy this story.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
PANTYGYNT:
What are the odds of the German, possibly English, rear gunner of the German plane shot down would actually land on the property of the farm he may have inherited in other circumstances. Life is full of cruel ironies, is it not? This could create some interesting twists in the remainder of your novel, for sure.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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PANTYGYNT:
What are the odds of the German, possibly English, rear gunner of the German plane shot down would actually land on the property of the farm he may have inherited in other circumstances. Life is full of cruel ironies, is it not? This could create some interesting twists in the remainder of your novel, for sure.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 21-May-2021
reply by the author on 22-May-2021
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That was a bit far fetched I agree but flying south from Liverpool you would likely pass right over the place and it was necessary to keep things local. Then there was the true story of the British rear gunner who jumped without a chute from a blazing Wellington and landed un harmed in a snow drift , the only snow that hadn't melted for miles around.
Many thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Mabaker12
Hi Jim, this chapter deserves better than a paltry six sadly it's all I have. If I could write like you I'd be a happy woman. You are one writer who holds your reader in the palm of your hand and carries us along wherever you want to take us. Great job Mate, sincerely Anne.
reply by the author on 20-May-2021
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Hi Jim, this chapter deserves better than a paltry six sadly it's all I have. If I could write like you I'd be a happy woman. You are one writer who holds your reader in the palm of your hand and carries us along wherever you want to take us. Great job Mate, sincerely Anne.
Comment Written 20-May-2021
reply by the author on 20-May-2021
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Oh Ma! Much more of this and I will be getting a swollen head. MAny thanks for this so complimentary review and the sixth star even if it is - in your words - inadequate. I am deeply grateful.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Very much enjoyed this chapter of your story. So Tom did not leave the world without a son, even if he was a bastard. Looking forward to see how his English relatives will welcome, or not welcome, him.
reply by the author on 20-May-2021
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Very much enjoyed this chapter of your story. So Tom did not leave the world without a son, even if he was a bastard. Looking forward to see how his English relatives will welcome, or not welcome, him.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 20-May-2021
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Thank you so much for this review. I am pleased that you enjoyed reading it.
Comment from estory
This letter from Brucker's mother presents us with a real twist to this story of Cleeborough St. Mary. It turns out Brucker's real father was Tom Jolliffe, and that he is heir to the estate there. That really opens up possibilities for this story, as that makes him half English and someone who has a real interest in this land and the history that has taken place there. Interesting. You are creating a lot of suspense and we have to find out how he will fit in with the characters from earlier in the story, including those involved in the murder of the girl. estory
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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This letter from Brucker's mother presents us with a real twist to this story of Cleeborough St. Mary. It turns out Brucker's real father was Tom Jolliffe, and that he is heir to the estate there. That really opens up possibilities for this story, as that makes him half English and someone who has a real interest in this land and the history that has taken place there. Interesting. You are creating a lot of suspense and we have to find out how he will fit in with the characters from earlier in the story, including those involved in the murder of the girl. estory
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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I think that creating suspense us part of my job. Lol. Many thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Earl Corp
I haven't read any other chapters of this book, but that isn't a problem because this chapter can stand on it's own merits and is intriguing. Very nice job.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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I haven't read any other chapters of this book, but that isn't a problem because this chapter can stand on it's own merits and is intriguing. Very nice job.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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I am so pleased that this chapter worked as a stand alone for you. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from amahra
I do hate coming to a story this late but did enjoy the writing. Were you in the military or just did the research? I ask because your writing of that era is flawless and authentic. And poor Brucker...to find out his father and birthday was all a lie. Yet, understood since in that time period such truth would have ruined him and his mom. Looking forward to seeing how Brucker handles his mom's confession in the next chapter.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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I do hate coming to a story this late but did enjoy the writing. Were you in the military or just did the research? I ask because your writing of that era is flawless and authentic. And poor Brucker...to find out his father and birthday was all a lie. Yet, understood since in that time period such truth would have ruined him and his mom. Looking forward to seeing how Brucker handles his mom's confession in the next chapter.
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Thank you for reviewing this. I was in the Royal Marines throughout the 1960s but I had to do a fair amount of research to get this right.
Comment from JudyE
Oh wow!! Interesting facts emerging here!
A few comments for you to ponder on but not necessarily adopt:
Feldwebel BrĂ¼cker was scheduled to appear before Captain Venables after an uncomfortable journey under guard, from the crash site on the outskirts of South Shropshire town of Cleeborough St Mary. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'After an uncomfortable journey under guard from the crash site on the outskirts of South Shropshire town of Cleeborough St Mary, Feldwebel BrĂ¼cker was scheduled to appear before Captain Venables.' And either 'the South Shropshire...' or '... South Shropshire town, Cleeborough St Mary, ...'
Arriving in the hands of his escort, was a bag containing his personal effects, discovered during the routine search made of all prisoners. - delete comma after 'escort'
A pretty clerk from the orderly room, in ATS uniform, distributed files to the various interrogating officers, threading her way through the desks crowded into the hallway of the SIU15 building. - I don't know what ATS' means nor 'SIU'. Would others? In the book, perhaps it's been written in full previously so the abbreviation would be known.
She placed the captured Feldwebel's details in front of Venables, who studied the documents with increasing interest before ordering the man taken to one of the interrogation rooms on the top storey. - would 'ordering the man be taken' be preferable?
In more peaceful times these had been the bedrooms of the domestic staff. - comma after 'times'
Apart from being in the attics, these small rooms were ideal for their purpose, unlike most of those on the ground floor, where Venables had to share the entrance hall in that overcrowded, open-plan arrangement with too many other officers. - I might have rearranged this: Maybe 'Apart from being in the attics, these small rooms were ideal for their purpose, unlike most of those on the overcrowded, open-plan arrangement of the ground floor, where Venables had to share the entrance hall with too many other officers.'
The two MPs, who had escorted BrĂ¼cker - has MPs been explained somewhere? I guess it's pretty obvious but my first thought was 'Member of Parliament'.
though Venables was sitting with his back to the small window, silhoutted against the daylight - spelling - silhouetted
It was a statement with the the intonation of a question, further confusing the German. - typo - the the
The barrister, turned ack-ack gunner, turned interrogater, wondered, - spelling - interrogator
It caused a fine particles of dried blanco to liberate themselves - delete 'a'
The adjutant pressed the button on his intercom and, after a short conversation with Allen's disembodied voice, gestured toVenables that he should go in. - typo - space needed between 'to' and 'Venables'
The letter went on to say that Frau Liebermann had placed the enclosed with them in 1921, with instructions that it be forwarded to her son, Gerhardt, in the event of her death, if this occurred after 4th November 1934 when he would be twenty-one. - maybe comma after '1934'??
I am writing this on your birthday this year, while you are playing with the presents, my darling Horst and I have given you. - delete comma after 'presents'
I can only begin to tell you now, because I know that at last I have found in my darling Horst, a man who loves both of us and will look after us in the years to come. - comma after 'found'
'Phew!' exclaimed Allen sitting back in his chair. - comma after 'Allen'
A great chapter with much to dwell on.
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Oh wow!! Interesting facts emerging here!
A few comments for you to ponder on but not necessarily adopt:
Feldwebel BrĂ¼cker was scheduled to appear before Captain Venables after an uncomfortable journey under guard, from the crash site on the outskirts of South Shropshire town of Cleeborough St Mary. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'After an uncomfortable journey under guard from the crash site on the outskirts of South Shropshire town of Cleeborough St Mary, Feldwebel BrĂ¼cker was scheduled to appear before Captain Venables.' And either 'the South Shropshire...' or '... South Shropshire town, Cleeborough St Mary, ...'
Arriving in the hands of his escort, was a bag containing his personal effects, discovered during the routine search made of all prisoners. - delete comma after 'escort'
A pretty clerk from the orderly room, in ATS uniform, distributed files to the various interrogating officers, threading her way through the desks crowded into the hallway of the SIU15 building. - I don't know what ATS' means nor 'SIU'. Would others? In the book, perhaps it's been written in full previously so the abbreviation would be known.
She placed the captured Feldwebel's details in front of Venables, who studied the documents with increasing interest before ordering the man taken to one of the interrogation rooms on the top storey. - would 'ordering the man be taken' be preferable?
In more peaceful times these had been the bedrooms of the domestic staff. - comma after 'times'
Apart from being in the attics, these small rooms were ideal for their purpose, unlike most of those on the ground floor, where Venables had to share the entrance hall in that overcrowded, open-plan arrangement with too many other officers. - I might have rearranged this: Maybe 'Apart from being in the attics, these small rooms were ideal for their purpose, unlike most of those on the overcrowded, open-plan arrangement of the ground floor, where Venables had to share the entrance hall with too many other officers.'
The two MPs, who had escorted BrĂ¼cker - has MPs been explained somewhere? I guess it's pretty obvious but my first thought was 'Member of Parliament'.
though Venables was sitting with his back to the small window, silhoutted against the daylight - spelling - silhouetted
It was a statement with the the intonation of a question, further confusing the German. - typo - the the
The barrister, turned ack-ack gunner, turned interrogater, wondered, - spelling - interrogator
It caused a fine particles of dried blanco to liberate themselves - delete 'a'
The adjutant pressed the button on his intercom and, after a short conversation with Allen's disembodied voice, gestured toVenables that he should go in. - typo - space needed between 'to' and 'Venables'
The letter went on to say that Frau Liebermann had placed the enclosed with them in 1921, with instructions that it be forwarded to her son, Gerhardt, in the event of her death, if this occurred after 4th November 1934 when he would be twenty-one. - maybe comma after '1934'??
I am writing this on your birthday this year, while you are playing with the presents, my darling Horst and I have given you. - delete comma after 'presents'
I can only begin to tell you now, because I know that at last I have found in my darling Horst, a man who loves both of us and will look after us in the years to come. - comma after 'found'
'Phew!' exclaimed Allen sitting back in his chair. - comma after 'Allen'
A great chapter with much to dwell on.
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Many thanks for this detailed review. Alterations have been made where necessary. ATS, Auxiliary Territorial Service, in speech, universally referred to as 'the Ats', would be so well understood in Britain as the forerunner of the WRACs 'Women's Royal Army Corps' that I let it stand. SIU was explained in a recent chapter.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Wow, that was a twist I didn't see coming. Another Jolliffe to add to the pot. Great story telling Jim, well written. Interesting to see what this means for all. Enjoyed, cheers valda
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Wow, that was a twist I didn't see coming. Another Jolliffe to add to the pot. Great story telling Jim, well written. Interesting to see what this means for all. Enjoyed, cheers valda
Comment Written 19-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Don't be too hard on yourself. So far no one has seen this one coming. Many thanks for the six stars and that Wow!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Well, bless my ears and ... eyebrows! The rear gunner is the love child of Tom Joliffe and his not-too-well-liked German girlfriend, who, I believe, almost inherited the farm which the Baches became heirs to. I expected the story to eventually come together, but this is brilliant! I'm sorry that I have prematurely awarded all of my sixes, and I will have to make it up to you in some future chapters.
Spags and suggestions:
He is now a full colonel commanding SIU15(Special Intelligence Unit 15).
-->
He is now a full colonel commanding SIU15 (Special Intelligence Unit 15).
It caused a fine particles of dried blanco to liberate themselves from the MP's webbing,
-->
It caused fine particles of dried blanco to liberate themselves from the MP's webbing, [also, I have no idea what fine particles of dried blanco are, or what they would be doing in an MP's webbing, whatever that is!]
gestured toVenables that he should go in.
-->
gestured to Venables that he should go in.
this time to accommodate the Sgt's Mess.
-->
this time to accommodate the Sergeant's Mess. [maybe in UK usage it's okay to abbreviate there, but I wouldn't expect it, generally, unless it was in front of someone's name]
***
A splendid surprise! Also, that's a dashing piece of WWII memorabilia that you've included.
Normally, I don't think a lot of authors include their FanStory chapter images in their final book publications, but yours are so relevant to your story, that I hope you are; obviously not chapter by chapter, as here, but bunched together in one or more places, if you think it adds to the interest of your novels.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Well, bless my ears and ... eyebrows! The rear gunner is the love child of Tom Joliffe and his not-too-well-liked German girlfriend, who, I believe, almost inherited the farm which the Baches became heirs to. I expected the story to eventually come together, but this is brilliant! I'm sorry that I have prematurely awarded all of my sixes, and I will have to make it up to you in some future chapters.
Spags and suggestions:
He is now a full colonel commanding SIU15(Special Intelligence Unit 15).
-->
He is now a full colonel commanding SIU15 (Special Intelligence Unit 15).
It caused a fine particles of dried blanco to liberate themselves from the MP's webbing,
-->
It caused fine particles of dried blanco to liberate themselves from the MP's webbing, [also, I have no idea what fine particles of dried blanco are, or what they would be doing in an MP's webbing, whatever that is!]
gestured toVenables that he should go in.
-->
gestured to Venables that he should go in.
this time to accommodate the Sgt's Mess.
-->
this time to accommodate the Sergeant's Mess. [maybe in UK usage it's okay to abbreviate there, but I wouldn't expect it, generally, unless it was in front of someone's name]
***
A splendid surprise! Also, that's a dashing piece of WWII memorabilia that you've included.
Normally, I don't think a lot of authors include their FanStory chapter images in their final book publications, but yours are so relevant to your story, that I hope you are; obviously not chapter by chapter, as here, but bunched together in one or more places, if you think it adds to the interest of your novels.
Comment Written 18-May-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Many thanks for your hawkeyed attention to detail in this review. The points you mention have been attended to.
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You're very welcome, Jim. I'm happy you found it helpful.
Blessings, Mary Kay