Departing Clouds
Jisei Haiku club challenge13 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
I love this.
It's as if it the clouds are saying....
'though we die, yet we live on in joy.'
This is so original.
Just beautiful Miss June,
blessings...
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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I love this.
It's as if it the clouds are saying....
'though we die, yet we live on in joy.'
This is so original.
Just beautiful Miss June,
blessings...
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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So glad you enjoyed this haiku. Thank you for sharing your sentiments. Always appreciate hearing your feedback!
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Happy Weekend!!
Comment from Debbie Pope
At first, I did not realize that this was a death poem (I know I need to take that class). When I read the notes though, your last line took on a whole new meaning for me. That is actually extraordinary. You are doing well in this class. I have read two of your Japanese poems and you are really capturing the format.
Glad that I read this one.
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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At first, I did not realize that this was a death poem (I know I need to take that class). When I read the notes though, your last line took on a whole new meaning for me. That is actually extraordinary. You are doing well in this class. I have read two of your Japanese poems and you are really capturing the format.
Glad that I read this one.
Comment Written 04-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you, Debbie, for sharing your thoughts on this death poem. I am enjoying the various forms of Japanese poetry from Gypsy's clubs. You must try them!
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made excellent use of your seventeen syllables in this lovely, descriptive, uplifting poem. I see those departing clouds as Covid (well, eventually).
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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You have made excellent use of your seventeen syllables in this lovely, descriptive, uplifting poem. I see those departing clouds as Covid (well, eventually).
Comment Written 04-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you for stopping by to share your thoughts. I do appreciate the positive feedback.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image, Janice.
-The syllable count is good,
along with the topic.
-Effective nature and
seasonal imagery with
the "floating clouds" and
"calm waters."
-A very good satori line, too.
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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-Very nice image, Janice.
-The syllable count is good,
along with the topic.
-Effective nature and
seasonal imagery with
the "floating clouds" and
"calm waters."
-A very good satori line, too.
Comment Written 04-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you for stopping by to share your thoughts. I do appreciate the positive feedback.
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You are very welcome, June.
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent emotional tone to this Jisei Haiku, June. It feels joyful with the departing clouds, as they are leaving over calm waters, so all is well. The juxtaposition works very well in establishing cooperation.
A fine contribution to the club and a joy to read and review. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Excellent emotional tone to this Jisei Haiku, June. It feels joyful with the departing clouds, as they are leaving over calm waters, so all is well. The juxtaposition works very well in establishing cooperation.
A fine contribution to the club and a joy to read and review. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 04-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you, Gloria, for sharing your thoughts on this death poem. I am enjoying the various forms of Japanese poetry from Gypsy's clubs.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You brought a calm and ambient day here and what I would give for some calm and sunny weather right now, the wind is howling outside and it is raining too, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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You brought a calm and ambient day here and what I would give for some calm and sunny weather right now, the wind is howling outside and it is raining too, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you, Dolly, for sharing your thoughts. I am enjoying the various forms of Japanese poetry from Gypsy's clubs. You must try them!
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you make this jisei haiku present death as just another day with that final line of "joy in a new day." Of course, you start with the clouds lifting from calm waters which shows us the peaceful transition.
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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I like how you make this jisei haiku present death as just another day with that final line of "joy in a new day." Of course, you start with the clouds lifting from calm waters which shows us the peaceful transition.
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am enjoying the various forms of Japanese poetry from Gypsy's clubs. You must try them!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your haiku is so serene, June. I get the image of softness as the feathery clouds come and take the spirit away, then return another day. But all of it is done so calmly. You did a great job with your special haiku for this style. Your words are well-chosen and paint a lovely picture.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Your haiku is so serene, June. I get the image of softness as the feathery clouds come and take the spirit away, then return another day. But all of it is done so calmly. You did a great job with your special haiku for this style. Your words are well-chosen and paint a lovely picture.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 04-May-2021
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am enjoying the various forms of Japanese poetry from Gypsy's clubs.
Comment from kahpot
What a beautiful presentation as your words describe how nature provides the beauty of a new day, an excellent haiku for the club****kahpot
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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What a beautiful presentation as your words describe how nature provides the beauty of a new day, an excellent haiku for the club****kahpot
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this piece. Your feedback is very much appreciated.
Comment from Begin Again
Your words painted a beautiful vision in the reader's mind... I can imagine waking up and seeing those clouds drifting away and leaving a glorious morning over the water for me. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Your words painted a beautiful vision in the reader's mind... I can imagine waking up and seeing those clouds drifting away and leaving a glorious morning over the water for me. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 03-May-2021
reply by the author on 03-May-2021
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this piece. Your feedback is very much appreciated.
