Because I Said, I Do
Song lyric poetry * please see notes10 total reviews
Comment from Kerry L Batchelder
I really like your poem. I too feel the way you do. It may not be a popular way to believe but much happens "on our knees" as you said in your poem, one of them being forgiveness as we trust God. And forgiveness is healing. Excellent work!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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I really like your poem. I too feel the way you do. It may not be a popular way to believe but much happens "on our knees" as you said in your poem, one of them being forgiveness as we trust God. And forgiveness is healing. Excellent work!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thank you. Indeed, it is not a popular view, and I have been reprimanded by my children for making the decision to stay as I did. But, I choose to forgive and try to keep my vows to God and my husband. Thank you so much for your compassionate review. Hugs.
Comment from Wendy G
This is a powerful poem about the strength and grace of forgiveness. It is well written, and provokes thought in the reader. I hope your entry does well in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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This is a powerful poem about the strength and grace of forgiveness. It is well written, and provokes thought in the reader. I hope your entry does well in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much for your kind words and encouraging comments. I appreciate it a lot. Hugs.
Comment from Bill Schott
This lyrical poem, Because I Said, I Do, has a message of forgiveness which allows that a person strays and can be taken back.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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This lyrical poem, Because I Said, I Do, has a message of forgiveness which allows that a person strays and can be taken back.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Bill, for reading and reviewing my song lyrics poem. Indeed, forgiveness is possible, although it is not always easy. Hugs.
Comment from mobileliz
Good poem, well written, chorus serves a purpose not just repetition. Reader can feel her pain and her hope that WHEN he leaves her, because she knows he will, he'll come back to her.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Good poem, well written, chorus serves a purpose not just repetition. Reader can feel her pain and her hope that WHEN he leaves her, because she knows he will, he'll come back to her.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Thank you. Your encouraging and supportive review has made my night. Thank you so much. Hugs.
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You're welcome. An old woman (me) with 2 ex-husbands can see a lot in your work. Keep on keeping on
Comment from royowen
As a songwriter, you don't have to repeatedly write the chorus, when it's sung, just simply put (Chorus) at the end of the verse, otherwise it gets cluttered on a song sheet. But beautifully written and scribed, and I love the theme, just make sure the verse syllable count is the same, otherwise each verse's music is different, and that can be a bummer to a musician, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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As a songwriter, you don't have to repeatedly write the chorus, when it's sung, just simply put (Chorus) at the end of the verse, otherwise it gets cluttered on a song sheet. But beautifully written and scribed, and I love the theme, just make sure the verse syllable count is the same, otherwise each verse's music is different, and that can be a bummer to a musician, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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My syllable counts are different throughout the verses? I better go double check that. I thought they were, but maybe not. Thank you so much for pointing that out and for your encouraging comments.
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Because it wasn?t as rhythmic (in my mind) as I thought, I was only assuming that the syllable count may be wrong. It may have an unfamiliar rhythm. I tend to be linear in meter. But I am a songwriter, before I was a ?poet? or at least before I knew form poetry, it was well written, in great language.
Comment from Marigo J. Stathis
Overall, I think this is a great effort. It's always tough to write these types of poems, when one is in the "thick" of it. I think the poet's voice as the one who is committed to the relationship makes the poem that much more bittersweet. There are a few places where I feel you could improve the cadence and rhythm. For instance, the stanza that reads:
When you leave Me, I know you go to her,
Don't get the wrong idea, I don't defer,
You soon will bore of her, so patiently
I wait till you can see my loyalty.
Might sound / flow better as:
After you leave me, I know you run to her,
Don't get me wrong, I won't defer,
For boredom will replace novelty, so patiently
I will wait until you miss truth and loyalty.
Something like that...in your own style and words, of course. My point is that there is a LOT of room for additions and edits. Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt, lovely poem. :)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Overall, I think this is a great effort. It's always tough to write these types of poems, when one is in the "thick" of it. I think the poet's voice as the one who is committed to the relationship makes the poem that much more bittersweet. There are a few places where I feel you could improve the cadence and rhythm. For instance, the stanza that reads:
When you leave Me, I know you go to her,
Don't get the wrong idea, I don't defer,
You soon will bore of her, so patiently
I wait till you can see my loyalty.
Might sound / flow better as:
After you leave me, I know you run to her,
Don't get me wrong, I won't defer,
For boredom will replace novelty, so patiently
I will wait until you miss truth and loyalty.
Something like that...in your own style and words, of course. My point is that there is a LOT of room for additions and edits. Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt, lovely poem. :)
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Yes, I hear what you are saying. Can I use that? Ha ha it's way better! Thank you so much for your thoughtful review and comments.
Comment from Bonnie Seach
I hear this as a melody. It belongs in music.
"vision and hearing was just returning" should be corrected to: "... were returning".
I wish you success. If you understand writing music, I believe these words would make excellent lyrics. Success to you. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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I hear this as a melody. It belongs in music.
"vision and hearing was just returning" should be corrected to: "... were returning".
I wish you success. If you understand writing music, I believe these words would make excellent lyrics. Success to you. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Thank you for reading my song lyric poetry. My daughter and one of my granddaughters right music, and they will be putting a melody to these words sometime.
I do not understand what you mean about vision and hearing in your initial comments. Could you please explain? Thanks. :-)
Thanks again for your review! It is appreciated. Hugs.
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My apologies. It appears that my sentence was abruptly terminated. Vision and hearing need to be "were returning", not ?was"
Comment from Rose Reese
Beautiful imagery. Even if this wasn't written to be a song the repeated verse was a great touch it reminds the reader of the whole point... even though the writer was done wrong they are still willing to forgive and move on.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Beautiful imagery. Even if this wasn't written to be a song the repeated verse was a great touch it reminds the reader of the whole point... even though the writer was done wrong they are still willing to forgive and move on.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind comments very much. However, could you please tell me what I could do to improve, as I clearly need some modifications as evidenced by the four star rating? I am not trying to be a smart ass, but I would like to put forth a high-quality work. I appreciate your response, in advance. Thank you again. and hugs!
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I dont believe i am experienced enough to tell you exactly where you need to improve however I did feel in the repeated verse I kept getting stuck on the word know and kept wanting to read it as knew because it rolled of the tongue in this case
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OK. Thank you. I will check that out.
Comment from Earl Corp
Do you set your lyrics to music, or just write the words? I'd like to hear this set to music. Very nice job. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Do you set your lyrics to music, or just write the words? I'd like to hear this set to music. Very nice job. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Unfortunately, I am not the music writer in the family. I have a daughter on my side of the family, and a granddaughter on my husband side of the family who both right music. Neither one of them has any time for me at the moment. :-) Thank you for your review and comments. They are appreciated.
Comment from equestrik
I can envision this as a song-probobly a country song. It is a wonderful thing to forgive but I am not sure ii could do so here in these scenarios-not without giving up some of me.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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I can envision this as a song-probobly a country song. It is a wonderful thing to forgive but I am not sure ii could do so here in these scenarios-not without giving up some of me.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Yes, I wrote it as a country song. And unfortunately, it's based on my life last summer. I am still with my husband. trust is regrowing? Slowly. Thank you for your review and comments.
