Memory Lane
A story of Loss16 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a very sad story and the chilling end confirmed to me that it ended in death. I have one suggestion for your first line (as I wandered down (memory) lane. Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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This is a very sad story and the chilling end confirmed to me that it ended in death. I have one suggestion for your first line (as I wandered down (memory) lane. Love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much, and yes your version does read better, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from oliver818
Nice poem, I enjoyed reading it. It has a sad feeling to it and I like the way you use the photo to heighten the melancholy which you explain at the end. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Nice poem, I enjoyed reading it. It has a sad feeling to it and I like the way you use the photo to heighten the melancholy which you explain at the end. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Thank you so very much, your comments are very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Jordan Miller
This word choice is absolutely lovely and quite moving. I could feel the mood from almost the beginning and my heart goes out to you or whoever this poem resonates to. I enjoyed reading this very much and hope to read more soon! Best wishes, Jordan
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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This word choice is absolutely lovely and quite moving. I could feel the mood from almost the beginning and my heart goes out to you or whoever this poem resonates to. I enjoyed reading this very much and hope to read more soon! Best wishes, Jordan
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much, you understanding comments are very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from June Sargent
You have written enough in this poignant piece to show the depth of the loss - and the cause. The rest is left up to our own conclusions - thus allowing the feelings to reach down deep into our hearts. How would we feel if the source of our strength was now in a pine box, and all we have are memories and a folded photograph?
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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You have written enough in this poignant piece to show the depth of the loss - and the cause. The rest is left up to our own conclusions - thus allowing the feelings to reach down deep into our hearts. How would we feel if the source of our strength was now in a pine box, and all we have are memories and a folded photograph?
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful and understanding comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is well-written and concise. I find myself traveling down, memory lane as well, where there is a place you and I can go, that houses the tears, and memories of long ago. There, we can cry and weep, over lost loves. As I fall to the ground, and memories abound, I pick myself up with hope for another lover around. The rhymes are intentional, my friend. It's just the way I roll.
The fifth and sixth-grade, teacher tried to get us all together. Love starts young, and with the help and guidance of teachers and other role models, we can relate and learn from our many mistakes. Eat from the fruit of plenty and have a nice day,
Jesse
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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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This is well-written and concise. I find myself traveling down, memory lane as well, where there is a place you and I can go, that houses the tears, and memories of long ago. There, we can cry and weep, over lost loves. As I fall to the ground, and memories abound, I pick myself up with hope for another lover around. The rhymes are intentional, my friend. It's just the way I roll.
The fifth and sixth-grade, teacher tried to get us all together. Love starts young, and with the help and guidance of teachers and other role models, we can relate and learn from our many mistakes. Eat from the fruit of plenty and have a nice day,
Jesse
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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The fruit of plenty died that day, some idiot engraved memories to stay, Thank you Jesse, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
Try to have a nice day, anyway,
Jesse
Comment from lyenochka
This is a sad story but so eloquently told with your well metered verses of quatrains alternating with couplets. I like how the final line refers back to the first couplet but shows us the full grief after losing the loved one. Hope you do well in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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This is a sad story but so eloquently told with your well metered verses of quatrains alternating with couplets. I like how the final line refers back to the first couplet but shows us the full grief after losing the loved one. Hope you do well in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Thank you, I have learned a lot about meter, syllables, etc. etc. since joining this site, I will revive some more of my early writing, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
