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Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Ordinary Afternoon"na-po-wri-mo contest
7 total reviews
Comment from Marigo J. Stathis
Interesting and fun poem. A few suggestions I would make is to keep tenses of verbs the same, substitute certain words to align with the poem's "chill" feeling, and add some off-rhymes. For instance, in the line "Hear seagulls screech"...hear should be "hearing" and perhaps screech is too harsh a description...substitutes that still retain the rhyming scheme". For instance, "Hearing gulls' sea-speech" (or something of the order, of your choosing). Then, in the last stanza, perhaps change, "Sat down in my friend's car" to "Sitting in friend's fitting car". Overall, great endeavor. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Interesting and fun poem. A few suggestions I would make is to keep tenses of verbs the same, substitute certain words to align with the poem's "chill" feeling, and add some off-rhymes. For instance, in the line "Hear seagulls screech"...hear should be "hearing" and perhaps screech is too harsh a description...substitutes that still retain the rhyming scheme". For instance, "Hearing gulls' sea-speech" (or something of the order, of your choosing). Then, in the last stanza, perhaps change, "Sat down in my friend's car" to "Sitting in friend's fitting car". Overall, great endeavor. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Dear Marigo, thank you for your comments, suggestions and good luck wishes. Dove
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This minute poem is not written in strict iambic meter which is a requirement for the contest, so you will need to make some adjustments, However, I enjoyed the sentiments here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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This minute poem is not written in strict iambic meter which is a requirement for the contest, so you will need to make some adjustments, However, I enjoyed the sentiments here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Dear Dolly, I don't know how to make adjustments, I don't know what iambic meter is. Donna x
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Iambic meter is where the stress of a word is on the second syllable. Love Dolly x
Comment from Boogienights
Sounds like fun, with or without friends. I love to shop, love the beach and drive there often in summer(with permit in hand). Very fun entry in the minute contest, thank you for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Sounds like fun, with or without friends. I love to shop, love the beach and drive there often in summer(with permit in hand). Very fun entry in the minute contest, thank you for sharing. :)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Dear Boogienights, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your choice of the minute style works well, Dove, to describe your normal activities for the day. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. Your lines read well, the form is correct, and the image is a good pairing. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing..
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Your choice of the minute style works well, Dove, to describe your normal activities for the day. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. Your lines read well, the form is correct, and the image is a good pairing. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing..
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
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Dear Jan, thank you for your comments review and best wishes. Oh, and thank you for introducing me to the "lento" form in your Potlatch. I used it for one of my recent poems. Dove
Comment from roof35
I enjoyed your ordinary things poem. It appears you followed the rules well and it is an excellent entry for the Minute Contest. It is very nicely done.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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I enjoyed your ordinary things poem. It appears you followed the rules well and it is an excellent entry for the Minute Contest. It is very nicely done.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Dear roof35, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
Comment from Bill Schott
This minute poem, Ordinary Afternoon, has the proper formatting and describes a hit and miss day which finds one ready to spend with no funds, and ready to drive with no credentials. Got some sun. : )
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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This minute poem, Ordinary Afternoon, has the proper formatting and describes a hit and miss day which finds one ready to spend with no funds, and ready to drive with no credentials. Got some sun. : )
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Dear Bill, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
Comment from BeckyRae
This is great! Just goes to show that ordinary days can be interesting, too. I go window shopping without money, too. I enjoyed reading this. Just real life. Good luck with your writing.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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This is great! Just goes to show that ordinary days can be interesting, too. I go window shopping without money, too. I enjoyed reading this. Just real life. Good luck with your writing.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2021
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Dear BeckyRae, thank you for your comments and review, glad you enjoyed it. Dove
