Memories of This World
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Memories of this World ch. 7"Memories of a life
13 total reviews
Comment from J. P. Olesen
Hi, estory,
I've been meaning to come by and check out your portfolio for some time now. For some reason, my PC won't let me rate your story as Six Stars--or I would.
I really love this story and can't read it without thinking of my own father. Your father, like mine, worked his butt off for the family he cherished, and I get the impression they may have had many similar traits--toughness, modesty, and a natural tendency to communicate through understatement.
And then there are lines like these:
'Just ahead of us an empty beach of undisturbed sand and pebbles stretched under a row of cedar trees. It looked like nobody had ever even seen it before. The waves were breaking on it in gentle, murmuring curls, sparkling in that August sunshine.'
and
'The tide was beginning to creep in, rocking our boat and lifting it from the sand. The day, and the summer, were coming to an end but no matter where we went from there, in the future, we would always have that afternoon to ourselves.'
Absolutely bloody marvelous writing!
I suppose I could go on and mention things like grammar, punctuation, sentence, and paragraph lengths and blah, blah, blah . . . but all that--to me--is a secondary (or more like a thirdly or fourthly) consideration. It's the bloody story as a whole that matters and the feeling it conveys upon the reader. And, for me, you really nailed!
Very kindest regards,
J. P.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Hi, estory,
I've been meaning to come by and check out your portfolio for some time now. For some reason, my PC won't let me rate your story as Six Stars--or I would.
I really love this story and can't read it without thinking of my own father. Your father, like mine, worked his butt off for the family he cherished, and I get the impression they may have had many similar traits--toughness, modesty, and a natural tendency to communicate through understatement.
And then there are lines like these:
'Just ahead of us an empty beach of undisturbed sand and pebbles stretched under a row of cedar trees. It looked like nobody had ever even seen it before. The waves were breaking on it in gentle, murmuring curls, sparkling in that August sunshine.'
and
'The tide was beginning to creep in, rocking our boat and lifting it from the sand. The day, and the summer, were coming to an end but no matter where we went from there, in the future, we would always have that afternoon to ourselves.'
Absolutely bloody marvelous writing!
I suppose I could go on and mention things like grammar, punctuation, sentence, and paragraph lengths and blah, blah, blah . . . but all that--to me--is a secondary (or more like a thirdly or fourthly) consideration. It's the bloody story as a whole that matters and the feeling it conveys upon the reader. And, for me, you really nailed!
Very kindest regards,
J. P.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2021
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Thanks very much for this excellent, detailed review. I'll give it an edit for grammar etc. at some point. But I am glad you thought the writing strong enough to bring this father and son moment to life, that was my main hope. Images are very important to my writing. estory
Comment from Gert sherwood
estory,
your sailing story is great, Yes I enjoyed reading your story about you and your Dad, Especially when your Dad asked you,
"Here, do you want to take the line?" Smiles to you describing to us readers, the joy you fled when you became a sailor.
I found a tiny nit---
"We did it," I said triumphantly, do my dad.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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estory,
your sailing story is great, Yes I enjoyed reading your story about you and your Dad, Especially when your Dad asked you,
"Here, do you want to take the line?" Smiles to you describing to us readers, the joy you fled when you became a sailor.
I found a tiny nit---
"We did it," I said triumphantly, do my dad.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful words of support for the story. I am glad you enjoyed it and that it seemed to convey this significant moment between father and son, a special moment in a relationship. estory
Comment from juliaSjames
Sorry I can award you only a virtual six, Estory. This is a wonderfully written story. Just enough tension to keep the reader riveted as the adventure unfolds. Your mother comes across as a loving self confident woman and your father's determined taciturn nature is well depicted. A still waters run deep kind of man it seems who expressed his artistic nature through building and sailing. My younger son is like that.
Father and son on the water together. The two of you built an unbreakable bond that day. In a way it's a coming of age story.
Thanks for sharing
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Sorry I can award you only a virtual six, Estory. This is a wonderfully written story. Just enough tension to keep the reader riveted as the adventure unfolds. Your mother comes across as a loving self confident woman and your father's determined taciturn nature is well depicted. A still waters run deep kind of man it seems who expressed his artistic nature through building and sailing. My younger son is like that.
Father and son on the water together. The two of you built an unbreakable bond that day. In a way it's a coming of age story.
Thanks for sharing
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful words celebrating this story. You got exactly the things I wanted to say in it. estory
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
As far as the hope you express in the note--you nailed it. An exhilarating, exuberant reminiscence, rife with rich imagery. I've been thoroughly enjoying your wonderful notalgic rambles!
typo:
The [though=>THOUGHT] of not making the trip all the way out ...
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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As far as the hope you express in the note--you nailed it. An exhilarating, exuberant reminiscence, rife with rich imagery. I've been thoroughly enjoying your wonderful notalgic rambles!
typo:
The [though=>THOUGHT] of not making the trip all the way out ...
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your support of my little piece here. I am glad you are enjoying it, it is fun to write. Imagery is something I really work on, so I am glad I have developed some kind of knack for handling it, in your esteemed opinion. estory
Comment from Gloria ....
I thoroughly enjoyed this story, e. You open with the busy family life, and a father determined to make good for his family. By the sounds of it, his good taste in composers started you off to a love of music.
I felt you built up just the right amount of tension to anticipate something on the sail, but as it turned out it was an adventure, and a surreal one too.
The food, and visuals really make this a heartwarming story, and a certainly an afternoon with Dad that a young boy would never forget.
A most enjoyable read.
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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I thoroughly enjoyed this story, e. You open with the busy family life, and a father determined to make good for his family. By the sounds of it, his good taste in composers started you off to a love of music.
I felt you built up just the right amount of tension to anticipate something on the sail, but as it turned out it was an adventure, and a surreal one too.
The food, and visuals really make this a heartwarming story, and a certainly an afternoon with Dad that a young boy would never forget.
A most enjoyable read.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and it seems that what I wanted to convey, this moment in time with my dad, came through in the writing, so I am glad of that. I appreciate the support. estory
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I enjoy your memory out you and your dad sailing in the New York harbor. I sailed with my first husband in Lake Michigan on a Laser. He had a 50 feet sail boat, a famous one when he was doing his thoracic surgery residency. He was in one of the American's Cup race as an observer in his boat. He was a good sailor.
You should put the note at the end of the piece. Just my two cents.
Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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I enjoy your memory out you and your dad sailing in the New York harbor. I sailed with my first husband in Lake Michigan on a Laser. He had a 50 feet sail boat, a famous one when he was doing his thoracic surgery residency. He was in one of the American's Cup race as an observer in his boat. He was a good sailor.
You should put the note at the end of the piece. Just my two cents.
Well done.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and I am glad this moment in time with my dad came alive for you in this little piece. Its always great to hear about all these other moments in other people's lives my writing brings to mind for readers. estory
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is a wonderful heartfelt story, and I can tell that the memories of that day made a huge difference in your life. Before I forget, I want to point out two typos that you might want to fix. First, the ninth paragraph from the top of the story, you start out the sentence, "The though of not making the trip. and I think you meant to add a "t" to the end of that word and spell 'thought.' Secondly, I think it's the twelvth paragraph from the bottom of the story, you write, "We did it," I said triumphantly, do my dad. And I think you meant to say, 'to' my dad, instead.
But other than those two typos, I found nothing wrong with this wonderful story, and was riveted in my seat as I read about your journey across the water in your dad's boat. Sitting on that, what seemed like, uncharted beach, must've been exhilarating. A son and his dad. It doesn't get much better than that!
Thanks for sharing this touching tale.
Jesse
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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This is a wonderful heartfelt story, and I can tell that the memories of that day made a huge difference in your life. Before I forget, I want to point out two typos that you might want to fix. First, the ninth paragraph from the top of the story, you start out the sentence, "The though of not making the trip. and I think you meant to add a "t" to the end of that word and spell 'thought.' Secondly, I think it's the twelvth paragraph from the bottom of the story, you write, "We did it," I said triumphantly, do my dad. And I think you meant to say, 'to' my dad, instead.
But other than those two typos, I found nothing wrong with this wonderful story, and was riveted in my seat as I read about your journey across the water in your dad's boat. Sitting on that, what seemed like, uncharted beach, must've been exhilarating. A son and his dad. It doesn't get much better than that!
Thanks for sharing this touching tale.
Jesse
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and I must take a look at the those typos and give it a good edit. But it seems what I wanted to convey here, the importance of this father and son moment, came through in the piece. I appreciate all the support and I am glad you are enjoying this little series. estory
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Yes, the message and importance of this day come through anyway, even with the tiny typos.
I am enjoying your series immensely.
Have a good Friday,
Jesse
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Thank you for sharing this story and especially this passage "Just ahead of us an empty beach of undisturbed sand and pebbles stretched under a row of cedar trees. It looked like nobody had ever even seen it before. The waves were breaking on it in gentle, murmuring curls, sparkling in that August sunshine. My dad made for it and it seemed to me that we were discovering some unknown place, we were sailing into some unopened moment. The hull of the catamaran scraped into the sand and my father let the wind out of the sail. "Now," he said to me, "Jump off." - You know may pain and how much I want to travel to something similar. Until they let us breath free please do share your beautiful memories.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thank you for sharing this story and especially this passage "Just ahead of us an empty beach of undisturbed sand and pebbles stretched under a row of cedar trees. It looked like nobody had ever even seen it before. The waves were breaking on it in gentle, murmuring curls, sparkling in that August sunshine. My dad made for it and it seemed to me that we were discovering some unknown place, we were sailing into some unopened moment. The hull of the catamaran scraped into the sand and my father let the wind out of the sail. "Now," he said to me, "Jump off." - You know may pain and how much I want to travel to something similar. Until they let us breath free please do share your beautiful memories.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks again for this wonderful six star review and I am glad the story was so inspirational for you. Some day we will travel again. estory
Comment from pome lover
What a lovely memory. I don't know if your father is still alive to read it, but I know he'd be pleased if he were. Your admiration for him, his work ethic, love of music, skill with his catamaran is heartwarming, and your description of your sail together, is a good account of a fond memory. It is written, as it happened, with anticipation, exhilaration and pride. Thank you for sharing it.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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What a lovely memory. I don't know if your father is still alive to read it, but I know he'd be pleased if he were. Your admiration for him, his work ethic, love of music, skill with his catamaran is heartwarming, and your description of your sail together, is a good account of a fond memory. It is written, as it happened, with anticipation, exhilaration and pride. Thank you for sharing it.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your words of support for this piece. Yes, my dad is still alive. He just turned 97, a real milestone. That trip on Long Island Sound we did in 1975, I think, when I was 13. It was a father and son moment, one of my happiest memories with my dad. estory
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a real keeper!
Comment from amada
I just love the sweet tone in your voice; it seems that you wrote this remembrance piece with a smile. Lovely to hear about the father who worked long hours outside his home, but he always had time for church and his family.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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I just love the sweet tone in your voice; it seems that you wrote this remembrance piece with a smile. Lovely to hear about the father who worked long hours outside his home, but he always had time for church and his family.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for the wonderful words of support for the story. My dad was not a big talker, not really great at sharing his emotions, sometimes. You had to read between the lines, and I am glad the sense of our relationship came through in the piece. estory
