Creative Collections
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Nightfall, Daybreak"na-po-wri-mo contest
22 total reviews
Comment from Marigo J. Stathis
Great job! What style of poetry is this? I am curious. For some reason, lines five and six of stanza one seem a tad out of sync. Perhaps, one or more syllables too long? As an example, "I hear night birds cooing melodious love calls, stealthy soft steps on dark-green grass as night calls" could become, "I hear night birds cooing love calls, stealthy steps on soft grass as night falls". It seems to flow a bit better, and is in keeping with the rhyme, too. Or so I think. I could be wrong, of course. Anyway, you know what they say about people, opinions, and specific parts of anatomy (i.e., everyone has one). ;) I also think your lovely poem would benefit from some punctuation, if possible. Otherwise, it's a veritable masterpiece. Thank you for sharing! :)
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Great job! What style of poetry is this? I am curious. For some reason, lines five and six of stanza one seem a tad out of sync. Perhaps, one or more syllables too long? As an example, "I hear night birds cooing melodious love calls, stealthy soft steps on dark-green grass as night calls" could become, "I hear night birds cooing love calls, stealthy steps on soft grass as night falls". It seems to flow a bit better, and is in keeping with the rhyme, too. Or so I think. I could be wrong, of course. Anyway, you know what they say about people, opinions, and specific parts of anatomy (i.e., everyone has one). ;) I also think your lovely poem would benefit from some punctuation, if possible. Otherwise, it's a veritable masterpiece. Thank you for sharing! :)
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Dear Marigo, This is a wrapped refrain, and the syllables in the lines are 88881212. Thank you for your comments review, and suggestion about punctuation. Dove
Comment from patcelaw
This is an absolutely lovely poem about the setting of the sun and the breaking of the day after a dark night. I wish you the best with your book and your writing.
The following is a poem I wrote as I watched a sunrise. in Las Cruces, NM
Las Cruces Sunrise As the sun begins,
its relentless climb,
in the eastern sky,
The wispy clouds,
begin kaleidoscope changes,
from deep gray,
to purple on the underside,
Then like smoke the clouds,
become orange
tinted by the fiery sun below.
The Organs jagged peaks,,
become more silhouetted,
against the sky.
Below the city lights twinkle,
like earthbound stars.
Above the crescent moon,
illumine the sky.
Clouds changing
from gray to pink,
orange and purple,
Constantly changing,
Until at last,
among the peaks
God announces with a shout
It's Day! Good Morning!
© Patricia Lawrence
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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This is an absolutely lovely poem about the setting of the sun and the breaking of the day after a dark night. I wish you the best with your book and your writing.
The following is a poem I wrote as I watched a sunrise. in Las Cruces, NM
Las Cruces Sunrise As the sun begins,
its relentless climb,
in the eastern sky,
The wispy clouds,
begin kaleidoscope changes,
from deep gray,
to purple on the underside,
Then like smoke the clouds,
become orange
tinted by the fiery sun below.
The Organs jagged peaks,,
become more silhouetted,
against the sky.
Below the city lights twinkle,
like earthbound stars.
Above the crescent moon,
illumine the sky.
Clouds changing
from gray to pink,
orange and purple,
Constantly changing,
Until at last,
among the peaks
God announces with a shout
It's Day! Good Morning!
© Patricia Lawrence
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Dear Patricia, thank you for your comments and review. You wrote a lovely poem. Dove
Comment from R.E.R.
Wow! I love this poem. Your word choice throughout really adds such life to the images you are painting. "Crackling leaves whisper fairy tales" is my favorite line
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Wow! I love this poem. Your word choice throughout really adds such life to the images you are painting. "Crackling leaves whisper fairy tales" is my favorite line
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Dear W.B., thank you for your comments and review. Dove
Comment from royowen
A nicely written rhyming poem, in sestaining stanzas, beautifully articulate and smoothly metered tetrameter, aabbcc rhyming, and expressive language rich phrasing, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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A nicely written rhyming poem, in sestaining stanzas, beautifully articulate and smoothly metered tetrameter, aabbcc rhyming, and expressive language rich phrasing, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
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Dear Roy, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
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Bless you
Comment from Patty Palmer
A well-written poem about falling asleep with the setting sun then waking up with the dawn. Sounds so peaceful with the birds chirping up a storm in the mornings. I've always wondered what they are saying to each other. Great job!
Patty
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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A well-written poem about falling asleep with the setting sun then waking up with the dawn. Sounds so peaceful with the birds chirping up a storm in the mornings. I've always wondered what they are saying to each other. Great job!
Patty
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Dear Patty, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
A beautifully written poem vividly describing the daylight and night fall. You give the readers a rich sensory. The presentation is effectively backed by the accompanying picture. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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A beautifully written poem vividly describing the daylight and night fall. You give the readers a rich sensory. The presentation is effectively backed by the accompanying picture. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Dear Seshadri, Thank you for your comments and review. I always enjoy your photos when I use something from you from Fan Art. Dove
Comment from Teri7
This is a very beautiful and very well written poem you have penned about nightfall and daybreak. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery. Thanks for sharing. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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This is a very beautiful and very well written poem you have penned about nightfall and daybreak. You used very good descriptive words and very lovely imagery. Thanks for sharing. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Hi Teri, thanks for your comments and review. Love you, Donna
Comment from Wendy G
This is a lovely and lyrical poem celebrating both the arrival of evening and the coming of the new day. The form is regular, and the rhyme and flow are both smooth. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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This is a lovely and lyrical poem celebrating both the arrival of evening and the coming of the new day. The form is regular, and the rhyme and flow are both smooth. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Dear Wendy, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your poem, Dove. I like the contrast of day to night with light the focus. Your lines read well with good use of rhymes in this complex style. You give readers good details and your words are filled with great imagery.
May I suggest in 2nd verse
Instead of repeating 'day breaking light'
with dawn's first light (for first line at the start)]
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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I enjoyed your poem, Dove. I like the contrast of day to night with light the focus. Your lines read well with good use of rhymes in this complex style. You give readers good details and your words are filled with great imagery.
May I suggest in 2nd verse
Instead of repeating 'day breaking light'
with dawn's first light (for first line at the start)]
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2021
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Dear Jan, thank you for your comments, review and suggestion. Dove
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your poem is excellent in every respect--skillfully and creatively composed and vivily descriptive of the sights and sounds of nature between sunset and sunrise.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Your poem is excellent in every respect--skillfully and creatively composed and vivily descriptive of the sights and sounds of nature between sunset and sunrise.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
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Dear Janice, thank you for your comments and review. Dove
