On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "On the Edge of Deception Pg 13"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
20 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
I was hardly waiting for this installment. This is a great, very interesting read from beginning to end. I do not see any room for improvement. Keep them coming.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I was hardly waiting for this installment. This is a great, very interesting read from beginning to end. I do not see any room for improvement. Keep them coming.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Oh, you are simply awesome. Thank you for loving the story and for following it so closely. I am thrilled and can't thank you enough for the shiny stars as well. Working on the next chapter so maybe today. Smiles and hugs - Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
I've been waiting for this, Carol, wondering what was happening with poor Beth. I really enjoyed reading this chapter. As usual, you paint a great picture of the people and places with your descriptions. I hope that Beth stays around long enough for Bert to help her. Great job!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I've been waiting for this, Carol, wondering what was happening with poor Beth. I really enjoyed reading this chapter. As usual, you paint a great picture of the people and places with your descriptions. I hope that Beth stays around long enough for Bert to help her. Great job!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Judy... Thanks for stopping by and leaving your kind review. Appreciate your thoughts and time. I have the same fears about Beth that you do... guess we will see. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Well, that sure brings the story around, full circle. Bert is just the person needed at this time to sort out the lies that are being told by Dwight Culbertson about his daughter. Good move.
Ralf
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Well, that sure brings the story around, full circle. Bert is just the person needed at this time to sort out the lies that are being told by Dwight Culbertson about his daughter. Good move.
Ralf
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Good Morning Ralf... Thanks for the kind review and for your interest in my story. I hope Bert arrives there on time. Beth needs someone on her side. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
We're moving along well. I'm glad to see Beth with someone in her corner. I did get the feeling that the rape had been forgotten. Wouldn't her nightmares include her father, the rape, the lies to police? I don't think it word hurt for you to "stir the pot" a little with her nightmare and reaction to Maize, who might even recognize signs of sexual abuse. I don't really know, because I've never had experience with social work. A couple of thoughts follow:
Beth let her head dropdown. ==> drop down
The sign in the window read - Women's Rescue Center - Religious services, free showers, cots, and hot meals. -- Maybe caps or something to distinguish sign words?
"The drop-in center consisted of two large adjoining rooms." -- That doesn't account for sleeping, cooking, showering and you go on to describe additional rooms. Perhaps, something about what was immediately visible to Beth?
"Nah, she's out for the countdown." -- I think just "count" as a boxing reference. When I see "countdown"
I think missile launch.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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We're moving along well. I'm glad to see Beth with someone in her corner. I did get the feeling that the rape had been forgotten. Wouldn't her nightmares include her father, the rape, the lies to police? I don't think it word hurt for you to "stir the pot" a little with her nightmare and reaction to Maize, who might even recognize signs of sexual abuse. I don't really know, because I've never had experience with social work. A couple of thoughts follow:
Beth let her head dropdown. ==> drop down
The sign in the window read - Women's Rescue Center - Religious services, free showers, cots, and hot meals. -- Maybe caps or something to distinguish sign words?
"The drop-in center consisted of two large adjoining rooms." -- That doesn't account for sleeping, cooking, showering and you go on to describe additional rooms. Perhaps, something about what was immediately visible to Beth?
"Nah, she's out for the countdown." -- I think just "count" as a boxing reference. When I see "countdown"
I think missile launch.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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you are just one jump ahead of me, my friend. I couldn't have two scenes the same so I made this particular one short and sweet. thanks for pointing out my errors - so much for Grammerly. I had drop down but it said I was wrong. Oh well! made changes and moving toward the next chapter. Thanks - Carol
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I think dropdown is an adjective, where you need a verb and adverb. So much for computer brains. Did the site crash on you? I couldn't get in for 20+ minutes.
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Site won't let me get messages or get to portfolio, etc. I just get a blank screen. Frustrating!
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It's been doing that to me for days. I can be one and when I go to change pages...it's gone. That's why I'm so behind. Ugh!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm so glad Mazie has taken Beth somewhere safe for the night, and that she let her sleep on her cot. But, I'm a little bit worried about that phone call. Who is he? I'm hoping that these people will help her let people know the truth. That lashing on her back is proof enough of what her father did to her. What a nasty man he is. Another excellent chapter, Carol. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I'm so glad Mazie has taken Beth somewhere safe for the night, and that she let her sleep on her cot. But, I'm a little bit worried about that phone call. Who is he? I'm hoping that these people will help her let people know the truth. That lashing on her back is proof enough of what her father did to her. What a nasty man he is. Another excellent chapter, Carol. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Hi there - If Beth would ever let anyone get close enough to her, this might go another direction, but she's to afraid. By the time she does, they'll probably be healed living her less of a defense. As for the phone call - you missed the last word...........LOL
Maize sighed, ?See you in the morning, Bert.?
Smiles and hugs - Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Hooray for Maize/Mazie (I saw two spellings throughout. I vote for Mazie.) Now Bert will be able to help Beth. Meanwhile I'm sure her friend and Evan must have tried to contact Bert, too.
Mazie tugged on Beth's arm, (Was it Mazie intentional here and Maize elsewhere?)
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Hooray for Maize/Mazie (I saw two spellings throughout. I vote for Mazie.) Now Bert will be able to help Beth. Meanwhile I'm sure her friend and Evan must have tried to contact Bert, too.
Mazie tugged on Beth's arm, (Was it Mazie intentional here and Maize elsewhere?)
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I corrected immediately - guess my brain couldn't decide who she was either. lol Thanks for the pointer and the review. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Are you going to post more chapters? This is interesting. You did switch POV from Beth to Maize. It felt natural. I somehow don't trust Maize for some reasons and not sure what she called. This piece needs more details like the setting of the place and people's appearance?
Well done
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Are you going to post more chapters? This is interesting. You did switch POV from Beth to Maize. It felt natural. I somehow don't trust Maize for some reasons and not sure what she called. This piece needs more details like the setting of the place and people's appearance?
Well done
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Lisa..... Glad that you stopped by to read the story. It is an on-going story (12 previous ones) and will continue to move forward. (Since you're not caught up I'll help) Maize called Bert - (Beth's caseworker). Thank you again and I appreciate your time. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
At last, a respite from her horrendous treatment--thanks, I needed that! Brilliant dialog and touching interaction. Did you intend to omit "Bert" in the character list?
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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At last, a respite from her horrendous treatment--thanks, I needed that! Brilliant dialog and touching interaction. Did you intend to omit "Bert" in the character list?
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Thanks Liz...No, I must have copied an old one and left Bert out of the mix. I corrected it and I thank you. Thanks for the review. Smiles - Carol
Comment from BethShelby
This is a good chapter. It sounds like Maize is a answer to Beth prayer. I"m glad she called Bert. It is good to know Beth is safe for the time being and hopefully her father and the tramp want get to her right away.
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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
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This is a good chapter. It sounds like Maize is a answer to Beth prayer. I"m glad she called Bert. It is good to know Beth is safe for the time being and hopefully her father and the tramp want get to her right away.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
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Unfortunately, Beth doesn't understand and fears everyone at the moment, even those trying to help. Thanks for reading and leaving me a review. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Wendy G
This is very intriguing. I haven't read any other pages, but it is so well written, I will enjoy following the story. The dialogue seems authentic, and the characters and situations realistic.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
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This is very intriguing. I haven't read any other pages, but it is so well written, I will enjoy following the story. The dialogue seems authentic, and the characters and situations realistic.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
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Thank you, WEndy for joining me with my story. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it and will consider reading more as we go on. Thank you so much. Smiles - Carol
