Spring Is Passionate
When Spring truly arrives.11 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
Great artwork choice. Nice poem. Good visual imagery created. Good alliteration with blossoms-burst. Edit note, if you can get playful... Lose: the of the. Too simple. It takes away from the visual imagery. Nice work :)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
  |
Great artwork choice. Nice poem. Good visual imagery created. Good alliteration with blossoms-burst. Edit note, if you can get playful... Lose: the of the. Too simple. It takes away from the visual imagery. Nice work :)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2021
-
I appreciate your reviewing my short poem. Many thanks for the kind praise and suggestion. Rod
Comment from lyenochka
What a great way to say it! We used to have a redbud tree so I know what you mean about it "bursting" with color. Too bad it's such a short lived tree. Enjoyed the spring passion haiku-like poem. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
What a great way to say it! We used to have a redbud tree so I know what you mean about it "bursting" with color. Too bad it's such a short lived tree. Enjoyed the spring passion haiku-like poem. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
We have two fairly young redbud trees which are in full bloom right now. Many thanks for sharing my haiku-like poem. Rod
Comment from Mark D. R.
hi Rod!
I was unfamiliar with your redbud tree so I looked it up and found it is also the symbol for Oklahoma (-;
As you know, I really favor short-long-short poems, even 3-5-3. Your poem feels like a Haiku. So this is right up my alley. Do like how the redbud bursts into the Spring with a profusion of color. The picture pairs perfectly with your poem.
Not a fan of capitalization for these short ones, so consider eliminating the initial cap in 'The,' or, you can edit it to pink or pale(-;
Regardless, your post shares 'a-one'derful image for reviewers. Best wishes in the voting.
Mark
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
|
hi Rod!
I was unfamiliar with your redbud tree so I looked it up and found it is also the symbol for Oklahoma (-;
As you know, I really favor short-long-short poems, even 3-5-3. Your poem feels like a Haiku. So this is right up my alley. Do like how the redbud bursts into the Spring with a profusion of color. The picture pairs perfectly with your poem.
Not a fan of capitalization for these short ones, so consider eliminating the initial cap in 'The,' or, you can edit it to pink or pale(-;
Regardless, your post shares 'a-one'derful image for reviewers. Best wishes in the voting.
Mark
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
-
Hi Mark. I am delighted you enjoyed my redbud poem and appreciate your praise. I am never quite sure when to capitalize or punctuate in these haiku-like poems. Rod
Comment from Sharon Davis
Your response to the 3-5-3 writing prompt, passion, is effectively demonstrated in this poem that describes the burst of energy and passion that accompanies the arrival of spring.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
|
Your response to the 3-5-3 writing prompt, passion, is effectively demonstrated in this poem that describes the burst of energy and passion that accompanies the arrival of spring.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
-
Thank you, Sharon. Your review and comments are much appreciated.
Comment from Bill Schott
This 3-5-3, Spring is Passionate, has the proper formatting and, along with the stunning image, brings the explosion of spring to the reader.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
|
This 3-5-3, Spring is Passionate, has the proper formatting and, along with the stunning image, brings the explosion of spring to the reader.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
-
I am very pleased my poem gave you the sense of Spring?s explosion. Thanks for sharing, Bill.
Comment from Dilettante junior
Beautiful piece. Summarises passion well. It also brings about the melody of spring. Nice photo, great words, font and background. Keep it up! Good luck for the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
|
Beautiful piece. Summarises passion well. It also brings about the melody of spring. Nice photo, great words, font and background. Keep it up! Good luck for the contest!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
-
I had not thought of Spring?s MELODY when I wrote this but you are absolutely right. Many thanks for sharing and your kind praise.
Comment from Chris Fruge
I think you packed some vivid imagery into a short piece. One thing I wasn't following though was the concept of 'burst Spring's passion'. Usually when I think it burst it means something broke, but I think in this context you may have meant something along the lines of 'bursting with Spring's passion' but couldn't add the word due to the syllable restriction.
I was thinking that maybe trying to reorder things could help get the point across clearer and still allow you to stay within the 3-5-3 structure.
For example: 'the blossoms of the redbud' could become 'the redbud's blossoms' and get you back a few syllables to play with.
Just some personal thoughts; however, so of course do what you see fit. I thought the picture was just perfect for this piece too, btw.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
 |
I think you packed some vivid imagery into a short piece. One thing I wasn't following though was the concept of 'burst Spring's passion'. Usually when I think it burst it means something broke, but I think in this context you may have meant something along the lines of 'bursting with Spring's passion' but couldn't add the word due to the syllable restriction.
I was thinking that maybe trying to reorder things could help get the point across clearer and still allow you to stay within the 3-5-3 structure.
For example: 'the blossoms of the redbud' could become 'the redbud's blossoms' and get you back a few syllables to play with.
Just some personal thoughts; however, so of course do what you see fit. I thought the picture was just perfect for this piece too, btw.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
Thank you, Chris, for your very close reading of my poem and your well-thought out suggestions.
Comment from Kerry L Batchelder
I can see where this could have more than one meaning. One, the red buds bursting into spring creating a sense of passion. Secondly, the red buds bursting the passion of spring by bringing forth something much lovelier than spring itself; the red buds in all their glory. Either way, beautifully done. Illustration is perfect. Words are simple with a message.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
|
I can see where this could have more than one meaning. One, the red buds bursting into spring creating a sense of passion. Secondly, the red buds bursting the passion of spring by bringing forth something much lovelier than spring itself; the red buds in all their glory. Either way, beautifully done. Illustration is perfect. Words are simple with a message.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
Thank you, Kerry, for your understanding and kind praise. You grasp my intent completely.
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written three line poem for passion entry. Very beautiful and colourful artwork. Compliments your poem nicely. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
|
This is a nicely written three line poem for passion entry. Very beautiful and colourful artwork. Compliments your poem nicely. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
Thank you very much. I appreciate your reviewing my poem.
Comment from T B Botts
I really enjoyed the visual that I got from this poem. I love Redbud trees, they are so vibrant. You chose a perfect picture for your poem as well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
|
I really enjoyed the visual that I got from this poem. I love Redbud trees, they are so vibrant. You chose a perfect picture for your poem as well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
Thank you very much for sharing my poem. Indeed, redbuds are vibrant. I?m delighted you approve of the painting I chose.
