Lionel and Lawrence
a short story6 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
Hi Bill! I hope this was fiction. You're hilarious. I enjoyed your L word alliterations running through. However, you seem to have utilized past and present in writing this story. Still, you managed to accomplish laughter and enjoyment from me reading this story.
My edit note is to toss liked and -ed all the -ings. Also, think about adding "do" before likewise. Don't get upset with me. Take it or leave it.
Original story excerpt:
"to likewise love licking light sockets while also looking at laser beams and listening to likely illegally loud music."
Edited story excerpt:
to do likewise. He licked light sockets too. And also, loved it as he looked at the laser beams as they/he, most likely, listened illegally loud music.
Have a nice week. God bless you :)
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Hi Bill! I hope this was fiction. You're hilarious. I enjoyed your L word alliterations running through. However, you seem to have utilized past and present in writing this story. Still, you managed to accomplish laughter and enjoyment from me reading this story.
My edit note is to toss liked and -ed all the -ings. Also, think about adding "do" before likewise. Don't get upset with me. Take it or leave it.
Original story excerpt:
"to likewise love licking light sockets while also looking at laser beams and listening to likely illegally loud music."
Edited story excerpt:
to do likewise. He licked light sockets too. And also, loved it as he looked at the laser beams as they/he, most likely, listened illegally loud music.
Have a nice week. God bless you :)
Comment Written 19-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2021
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Thanks for giving this a look, but your take on verb tenses is a bit flawed. The suffix *ing* does not establish time. Those *progressive* verbs use helping verbs to do that. *Lionel is licking. Lionel was licking. Lionel will be licking. Happy day!
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On second glance I can see where might split infinitive would lead to a cascading effect of verb phrases linked to a past tense root which may fail to hold its own against the growing action of the brother.
Comment from T B Botts
Boy, aren't they lucky? This was funny. Light sockets huh? Well they definitely begin with "L". I'm always blown away by the talent that people display on this site. It would be one thing if there were only a few really talented folks, but there are lots here. I'm so pleased to be in good company. Well done.
Tom
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Boy, aren't they lucky? This was funny. Light sockets huh? Well they definitely begin with "L". I'm always blown away by the talent that people display on this site. It would be one thing if there were only a few really talented folks, but there are lots here. I'm so pleased to be in good company. Well done.
Tom
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Tom.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, what a fun contest entry, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading it. You did a good job showcasing the letter l. Your lines read well with great imagery. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Haha, what a fun contest entry, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading it. You did a good job showcasing the letter l. Your lines read well with great imagery. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Jan
Comment from mobileliz
A nice and fun piece. I'm finding so much good poetry on here that I might become a convert. I admire people who can write poetry so easily. I've tried but can't pull it off. I'll have to some of you.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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A nice and fun piece. I'm finding so much good poetry on here that I might become a convert. I admire people who can write poetry so easily. I've tried but can't pull it off. I'll have to some of you.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Thanks, liz
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your lyrical and whimsical tale. A couple of brothers with decidedly electric personalities. That's a lt of light sockets to lick.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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I like your lyrical and whimsical tale. A couple of brothers with decidedly electric personalities. That's a lt of light sockets to lick.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Lee.
Comment from Susan Newell
Let me linger longingly, listening with my eyes, as I ponder the lack of Lionel's and Lewis's demises. Lightning likes to lick back, leveling the field.
I sure am glad that Lionel and Lewis vaccinated themselves repeatedly against a lightning strike! Whew!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Let me linger longingly, listening with my eyes, as I ponder the lack of Lionel's and Lewis's demises. Lightning likes to lick back, leveling the field.
I sure am glad that Lionel and Lewis vaccinated themselves repeatedly against a lightning strike! Whew!
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Who knew, right?
