It's Part of the Game
When it's not all about winning21 total reviews
Comment from --Turtle.
Hey, Carol
I got to read through this story, and I could envision this one in a magazine. Uplifting, and reminding how all kids enjoy the competitive edge. The crowd, the mom's support on the sidelines, the challenge between friends, it's all centered to pivot when Darryl falls. Kids have ways of reminding grownups what really counts.
His best friend and a dangerous opponent, Darryl, stood two lanes away.
(super job here with the setup and use of crowd and moment to pump the mood)
Their bodies pumped, and their feet flew, leaving flying dirt behind them.
(small suggestion I was considering: leaving dirt flying behind them?
Not an important suggestion, but mentioned in case it catches your eye)
Johnny [heard his friend's anguish cry, and he] abruptly stopped.
(My thought here... what if you delete the part in bracket? In not explaining that he is hearing what we are also already hearing, it has a little punch to it if shortened. (I was thinking this because you already painted Darryl's fall and anguish very nicely.)
his concern was evident
(for the mention to the reader his concern was evident, I wondered what was the give away of his concern.)
Either way, this biographical rendering was heartwarming. I enjoyed, and thought it was the type of true tale I could see in a magazine.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
  |
Hey, Carol
I got to read through this story, and I could envision this one in a magazine. Uplifting, and reminding how all kids enjoy the competitive edge. The crowd, the mom's support on the sidelines, the challenge between friends, it's all centered to pivot when Darryl falls. Kids have ways of reminding grownups what really counts.
His best friend and a dangerous opponent, Darryl, stood two lanes away.
(super job here with the setup and use of crowd and moment to pump the mood)
Their bodies pumped, and their feet flew, leaving flying dirt behind them.
(small suggestion I was considering: leaving dirt flying behind them?
Not an important suggestion, but mentioned in case it catches your eye)
Johnny [heard his friend's anguish cry, and he] abruptly stopped.
(My thought here... what if you delete the part in bracket? In not explaining that he is hearing what we are also already hearing, it has a little punch to it if shortened. (I was thinking this because you already painted Darryl's fall and anguish very nicely.)
his concern was evident
(for the mention to the reader his concern was evident, I wondered what was the give away of his concern.)
Either way, this biographical rendering was heartwarming. I enjoyed, and thought it was the type of true tale I could see in a magazine.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
-
Thanks for that thought. I hope to self publish some of my stories after I finally finish this story and can put the stories together. some mean so much to me. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Patrick Borosky
I enjoyed this. Your ending line struck a chord. I've had the joy of watching my niece and nephew go through youth sports recently, and although my niece has no interest in soccer, she's made so many friends which makes it all worth it.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
 |
I enjoyed this. Your ending line struck a chord. I've had the joy of watching my niece and nephew go through youth sports recently, and although my niece has no interest in soccer, she's made so many friends which makes it all worth it.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
-
Thank you Patrick - My son found so much joy in the camaraderie and the activities were good for him. I was so proud that day when he chose helping his friend over a ribbon. Thank you - Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmt1967
Johnny (was edging) ahead of his friend, gaining several strides. (edged) By deleting 'was' and changing the word 'edging' to a noun the sentence becomes more edgy and dramatic and less telling and passive, in my opinion.
Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
|
Johnny (was edging) ahead of his friend, gaining several strides. (edged) By deleting 'was' and changing the word 'edging' to a noun the sentence becomes more edgy and dramatic and less telling and passive, in my opinion.
Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
-
Thank you - Changes made and appreciated. You've been quite the avid reader this morning and I am most thankful. Thanks again for the review and help. Smiles - Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Amen! That is the most important thing to learn in this "race of life." The idea of winning a competition may be good for building skills but the showing of care and compassion is what makes real winners.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
|
Amen! That is the most important thing to learn in this "race of life." The idea of winning a competition may be good for building skills but the showing of care and compassion is what makes real winners.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
-
Yes, I was never so proud of my son as I was that day. He never once hesitated, just went to his friend's side. Thanks so much - Smiles - Carol
-
That's so beautiful! I'm so glad you raised your kids to develop their heart for others above winning! 💖💖
-
Me too!
Comment from Wendy G
A beautiful and uplifting post, which exemplifies sportsmanship and friendship at its very best. Being the fastest runner can never replace being a caring and good person. Thanks so much for sharing this.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
|
A beautiful and uplifting post, which exemplifies sportsmanship and friendship at its very best. Being the fastest runner can never replace being a caring and good person. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
-
Thanks, Wendy - Yes, ribbons didn't mean as near as much to Johnny as helping his friend. I was so very proud of him. Thanks again - Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Heartwarming--and thought-provoking--I was a competitive runner and often wondered whether I'd have sacrificed a race for a friend or stranger--I witnessed someone do so for a child and I had someone do so for me. I wrote stories about both. Compelling piece.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
|
Heartwarming--and thought-provoking--I was a competitive runner and often wondered whether I'd have sacrificed a race for a friend or stranger--I witnessed someone do so for a child and I had someone do so for me. I wrote stories about both. Compelling piece.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
-
Hi Liz... this story is about my son, Johnny and it happened 40 years ago, but I must say I couldn't have been prouder of my son than that day. His friend was what counted. Thanks for the review. Smiles to you! Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Your point is well made in this vignette. Your stories are all so well crafted and interesting. You are a very talented writer and I enjoy reading your renderings.
Ralf
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
|
Your point is well made in this vignette. Your stories are all so well crafted and interesting. You are a very talented writer and I enjoy reading your renderings.
Ralf
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
-
Ralf, you are so very kind and I appreciate all your reviews the special things you say about my writing and about me. this story was forty years ago but I was never prouder of my son than when he stopped for his friend. Thank you - Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
It should be about friendship and caring, that's all that's important. I am against the idea of everybody is a winner, except when it comes to the Special Olympics. In them every child is a winner and should be treated like one. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
|
It should be about friendship and caring, that's all that's important. I am against the idea of everybody is a winner, except when it comes to the Special Olympics. In them every child is a winner and should be treated like one. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
-
Hi Barbara - This story was forty years ago and I was never prouder of my son when he stopped for his friend. Still today, he's the happy, can I help you guy. Thanks for the kind review. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sports and competition are great things, but winning is truly never the best part. The true rewards are the friendship, fellowship, and the life lessons that can be learned if they pay close attention. Thank for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
|
Sports and competition are great things, but winning is truly never the best part. The true rewards are the friendship, fellowship, and the life lessons that can be learned if they pay close attention. Thank for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
-
It was forty years ago but I will never forget how proud I was of him as he walked off the field with his friend. Thanks for the kind words and review. Smiles - Carol
Comment from karenina
"...and a little child shall lead them."
Such a warm and beautiful story.
This is the REAL reason "Special Olympics" are "special."
These kiddos inherently know that friendship and caring are the REAL winning medals!
This one made me smile so big!
Six stars big!
(smile)
Karenina
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
|
"...and a little child shall lead them."
Such a warm and beautiful story.
This is the REAL reason "Special Olympics" are "special."
These kiddos inherently know that friendship and caring are the REAL winning medals!
This one made me smile so big!
Six stars big!
(smile)
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
-
you are so awesome Karenina! this happened forty years ago but when I think about it's like yesterday. I was and will always be so proud of my son. The ribbon was important but his friend was much more important. Thank you so much!!! Smiles to you1 Carol
-
One of my dear lifelong friends has a child affected by (not afflicted with) Down's Syndrome. I've gone to cheer him on at Special Olympic events...
SO much love! So much we could all learn from them!--Great write... Wish there were a SEVEN STAR rating!--Karenina
-
I have numerous others I can write - a basketball star, swimming, and the sock-hop king. Johnny never realized he was different. He just was his lovable self. Thanks so much! Smiles, Carol
-
Johnny was blessed with a loving Mom!
katenina
-
Oops. Auto correct strikes again! Karenina NOT Katenina...or however bit mangled my name!