Johnnie Motorcycle rides again
Childhood games31 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a really sad ending. That he got to do what he'd been born for, was a consolation, but so sad that he died doing it. It's funny how the personality of one child can lead the others, and once he went so the gang split up. He was obviously a great soldier. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2021
  |
What a really sad ending. That he got to do what he'd been born for, was a consolation, but so sad that he died doing it. It's funny how the personality of one child can lead the others, and once he went so the gang split up. He was obviously a great soldier. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 11-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2021
-
Thank you Sandra for your kind thoughts and review. It is truly appreciated.
Take care and regards,
Mary
Comment from RGstar
Didn't expect that ending Mary, but it was as would be expected of an excellent piece of writing. The reader was drawn in with the charm and innocence, giving way to the middle section, then the third...the end, and it really was a poignant end....clutched at the soul.
Bravo.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2021
 |
Didn't expect that ending Mary, but it was as would be expected of an excellent piece of writing. The reader was drawn in with the charm and innocence, giving way to the middle section, then the third...the end, and it really was a poignant end....clutched at the soul.
Bravo.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2021
-
I truly your kind review and thoughts. It is truly encouraging.
Thank you for the six star rating. it is truly appreciated.
Stay well.
Best wishes.
Mary
Comment from LJbutterfly
No! No! No! You captured my interest with your opening statement, and held me until the end. It reminded me of my first Tarzan movie. In the theater, I wanted Tarzan to know me and know that I had come to see his movie. As i read your story, I envisioned you and the neighborhood kids playing. I smiled when you saw 21 year-old Eddie again. Then, you looked down in the casket. I involuntarily shouted, "No." Didn't see that coming. Great story written with a shocking ending.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
No! No! No! You captured my interest with your opening statement, and held me until the end. It reminded me of my first Tarzan movie. In the theater, I wanted Tarzan to know me and know that I had come to see his movie. As i read your story, I envisioned you and the neighborhood kids playing. I smiled when you saw 21 year-old Eddie again. Then, you looked down in the casket. I involuntarily shouted, "No." Didn't see that coming. Great story written with a shocking ending.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
Thank you I appreciate your review and comments.
Best wishes Mary
Comment from Jay Squires
This was an enjoyable read, Mary. You crafted it masterfully. I found only a few things that slowed me down:
the most handsome boy on the plant. [Is this supposed to be "Planet"]
Unfortunately, he chooses Ellen, [Mary, you should keep this in the past tense "chose Ellen" for consistency.]
Greenfields was the place of death and gore. [I like the way you set this apart as a paragraph of its own.]
Some of us used sticks and while others had Red Ryder guns, [Remove the "and" here.]
Oh, wow! I wasn't expecting this ending: "His games had become real as I looked down on him lying in his casket."
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
This was an enjoyable read, Mary. You crafted it masterfully. I found only a few things that slowed me down:
the most handsome boy on the plant. [Is this supposed to be "Planet"]
Unfortunately, he chooses Ellen, [Mary, you should keep this in the past tense "chose Ellen" for consistency.]
Greenfields was the place of death and gore. [I like the way you set this apart as a paragraph of its own.]
Some of us used sticks and while others had Red Ryder guns, [Remove the "and" here.]
Oh, wow! I wasn't expecting this ending: "His games had become real as I looked down on him lying in his casket."
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
Thank you for the review. I caught the planet but not the others.
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for sharing this sweet memory. I am impressed with you keeping up with the bigger kids even with a bike with training wheels! Yes, Eddie does sound like a born leader and I'm sorry to hear that he gave his life for the war.
Question:
the most handsome boy on the plant (planet?)
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
Thanks for sharing this sweet memory. I am impressed with you keeping up with the bigger kids even with a bike with training wheels! Yes, Eddie does sound like a born leader and I'm sorry to hear that he gave his life for the war.
Question:
the most handsome boy on the plant (planet?)
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
I made the correction.
Thank you for the review.
Regards
Mary
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a fun childhood memory, Mary, of you and your friends entertaining yourselves with what you had. It's so sad to learn that once Eddie moved away, you had nothing interesting left to do. Also more sad is the fact that he died during "real" games of war and you only saw him in a casket. Very well done. I did find a few grammatical errors
1. "Eddie was shorter than us..." - this should be than WE (were)
2. "Unfortunately, he chooses(chose) Ellen, she was..." - keep the same tense.
3. "pretending(.) He (he) - this is part of the previous sentence and should be one sentence.
4. "Some of us used sticks (and) while others had..." - remove the "and" and replace with a comma.
I hope you find these suggestions helpful.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
This is a fun childhood memory, Mary, of you and your friends entertaining yourselves with what you had. It's so sad to learn that once Eddie moved away, you had nothing interesting left to do. Also more sad is the fact that he died during "real" games of war and you only saw him in a casket. Very well done. I did find a few grammatical errors
1. "Eddie was shorter than us..." - this should be than WE (were)
2. "Unfortunately, he chooses(chose) Ellen, she was..." - keep the same tense.
3. "pretending(.) He (he) - this is part of the previous sentence and should be one sentence.
4. "Some of us used sticks (and) while others had..." - remove the "and" and replace with a comma.
I hope you find these suggestions helpful.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
Tha you Judy. I appreciate your review but also for your corrections.
Regards
Mary
Comment from Ronni
Wow, what a profoundly gripping story! Seems there is at least one
memorable childhood kid we remember as super keen or one
looked up to for activities and other sorts of fun and fascination.
Eddie's story here is most realistically, yet all the more impassionately
relatable and heart achingly in how you integrated his simple yet
always significant characteristics and uniqueness, to a much too
soon and too final end; so many that never were fuflilled yet
might have been one of greatness and more worldly valor.
Love your story style, it always engages so readily and leaves one
with a greater appreciation of simplicty well lived is often too
underated until too late to prevail more gloriously.
Thanks for sharing.
Best wishes always, Ronni
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
Wow, what a profoundly gripping story! Seems there is at least one
memorable childhood kid we remember as super keen or one
looked up to for activities and other sorts of fun and fascination.
Eddie's story here is most realistically, yet all the more impassionately
relatable and heart achingly in how you integrated his simple yet
always significant characteristics and uniqueness, to a much too
soon and too final end; so many that never were fuflilled yet
might have been one of greatness and more worldly valor.
Love your story style, it always engages so readily and leaves one
with a greater appreciation of simplicty well lived is often too
underated until too late to prevail more gloriously.
Thanks for sharing.
Best wishes always, Ronni
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
I truly appreciate your kind words and review Ronni.
I sometimes kick myself for not being wordy and brilliant, but then it would come across that I was trying to impress rather than tell a story.
Your input and thoughts are always appreciated.
Thank you for the rating too. I had to tell my editor (husband) that you gave me a six.
Regards,
Mary
Comment from eliz100
This is a well-written, interesting story. There is one typo in the fifth line. It says plant but I think you want planet. The picture is perfect for the story. Is it a true story?
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
This is a well-written, interesting story. There is one typo in the fifth line. It says plant but I think you want planet. The picture is perfect for the story. Is it a true story?
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
Thank you for the review and kind comments. My editor (my husband also caught the error and I corrected. I appreciate your correction.
Regards
Mary
Comment from L. Kalere
This is a powerful story about youth, angst, leadership, duty, and death. I didn't see where it was leading so the ending was quite a shock. Since this sounds like a true story, please accept my condolences.
This was well written and compelling.
Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
This is a powerful story about youth, angst, leadership, duty, and death. I didn't see where it was leading so the ending was quite a shock. Since this sounds like a true story, please accept my condolences.
This was well written and compelling.
Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
Thank you Linda, I appreciate your kind thoughts and review.
Take care and regards,
Mary
Comment from Susan Larson
Oh, my gosh what a tear jerking ending. I didn't see that coming, but you turned this around so adeptly. I see from your graduation date that we are a year apart, which makes a lot of these memories the same as mine. Especially the Vietnam War. A real game changer, huh?
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
|
Oh, my gosh what a tear jerking ending. I didn't see that coming, but you turned this around so adeptly. I see from your graduation date that we are a year apart, which makes a lot of these memories the same as mine. Especially the Vietnam War. A real game changer, huh?
Comment Written 10-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
-
Thank you Susan for the review and especially the rating. It is much appreciated.
Regardless of how one felt about the war, it had a tremendous impact on life and culture.
Regards,
Mary
