Sunnilicious' NaPoWriMo, April 2021
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Tanka (feathery fern leaf)"National Poetry Writing Month, Annual Event
5 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Davis
I enjoyed this poem written in response to a prompt requiring you to write a monologue to something dead. Well presented. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
I enjoyed this poem written in response to a prompt requiring you to write a monologue to something dead. Well presented. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Hi Sharon! Thank you. God bless you :)
Comment from lyenochka
I have heard of that anthology but never read it. Thank you for telling me more about it. I like that you made it a fern that was dead but it still speaks to us about beauty.
Some grammar suggestions:
Stem pluck for pleasure (plucked)
Beauty echos to lives on (echoes)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
I have heard of that anthology but never read it. Thank you for telling me more about it. I like that you made it a fern that was dead but it still speaks to us about beauty.
Some grammar suggestions:
Stem pluck for pleasure (plucked)
Beauty echos to lives on (echoes)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Good edit note, but pick, present and pluck, past. I'll look into it. I'll change the echos. Thank you :)
Comment from AnnaLinda
Hi Sunni,
I really like the alliteration in your first line and the imagery it creates.
My favorite 2 lines:
"Stem pluck for pleasure > very concrete image - well done.
Eccentric sight in a gust" > Unique! Love!
In the line below - It should be (live on) not "lives on"
I believe "echos" is spelled (echoes)
"Beauty *echos to *lives on"
Suggestion for the following line -
"It is dead and can not grow"
Since you have several non-poetic words in this line...Perhaps drop a couple.
(It's dead and can never grow)
I enjoyed reading this...Even if you don't take my suggestion
on that line...you should correct typos in last line. I'm assuming
you will.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
Hi Sunni,
I really like the alliteration in your first line and the imagery it creates.
My favorite 2 lines:
"Stem pluck for pleasure > very concrete image - well done.
Eccentric sight in a gust" > Unique! Love!
In the line below - It should be (live on) not "lives on"
I believe "echos" is spelled (echoes)
"Beauty *echos to *lives on"
Suggestion for the following line -
"It is dead and can not grow"
Since you have several non-poetic words in this line...Perhaps drop a couple.
(It's dead and can never grow)
I enjoyed reading this...Even if you don't take my suggestion
on that line...you should correct typos in last line. I'm assuming
you will.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Hi! Great edit notes. Thank you :)
Comment from Sally Law
Gorgeous offering that you have here, dear Sunny. I admire anyone they can write a poem every day and post it. I find your poem so green and beautiful. I am blind and love to bring clippings from the yard to make my house more fragrant. They grace my day with such beauty.
Sending love my very best for your day and the writing challenge. Sal XOs..
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
Gorgeous offering that you have here, dear Sunny. I admire anyone they can write a poem every day and post it. I find your poem so green and beautiful. I am blind and love to bring clippings from the yard to make my house more fragrant. They grace my day with such beauty.
Sending love my very best for your day and the writing challenge. Sal XOs..
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Hi Sally. My late mother was blind in her last years. I'm sorry. You're much more technologically advanced that I knew possible. That makes me happy for you. Aromatics in any form are great. God bless you.
Thank you :)
Comment from royowen
This is an excellent tanka Alicia, the message is decipherable, and the language is quite lovely for a poem of this sort is a great job. A really good tanka dear girl, blessings Roy
Typo : Beauty echoes to live(s) on.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
This is an excellent tanka Alicia, the message is decipherable, and the language is quite lovely for a poem of this sort is a great job. A really good tanka dear girl, blessings Roy
Typo : Beauty echoes to live(s) on.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2021
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Hi Roy! There I go not proofing again. Thank you :)