On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "On the Edge of Deception - Pg 10"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
15 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This is another great installment. It was a great read room from beginning to end. I do not see any room for improvement. I cannot wait to read the next installment.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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This is another great installment. It was a great read room from beginning to end. I do not see any room for improvement. I cannot wait to read the next installment.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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You are great for my writing ego! Thank you so much for your kind words and continuation of following the story. Wish I could post more in one day, but alas - Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from BethShelby
You made Jesse into a truly evil person. Are they planning to rob him or what? Tyson was easily talked into getting really drunk with Jesse. He makes a lot of bad decisions. I'm loving your story and I wish you could put on more that two a day. I also wish they gave us more six-stars to use because all your chapters deserve them.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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You made Jesse into a truly evil person. Are they planning to rob him or what? Tyson was easily talked into getting really drunk with Jesse. He makes a lot of bad decisions. I'm loving your story and I wish you could put on more that two a day. I also wish they gave us more six-stars to use because all your chapters deserve them.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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You are so awesome, Beth! I love the stars, but your words mean more to mean than anything else. I too wish I could post more, but alas they refuse. Thank you for being so kind and following the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Oh, no! Jesse really is evil personified! I am already worried about what he has in store for Tyson . . . and then Ethan and Beth, if he can find her. You are really building the suspense. Rachel is coming through very well as a confused teen who doesn't know what to do. I'm a little concerned that Ethan is going to wait to call Bert and Gigi and would like an explanation for the delay.
exchanged the empty bottle with a fresh one. -- exchanged "for" a fresh one
mostly flipping burgers and fries for the -- reads like the fries are being flipped :-)
since he'd pretty much did the same thing -- either "he" or "done"
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Oh, no! Jesse really is evil personified! I am already worried about what he has in store for Tyson . . . and then Ethan and Beth, if he can find her. You are really building the suspense. Rachel is coming through very well as a confused teen who doesn't know what to do. I'm a little concerned that Ethan is going to wait to call Bert and Gigi and would like an explanation for the delay.
exchanged the empty bottle with a fresh one. -- exchanged "for" a fresh one
mostly flipping burgers and fries for the -- reads like the fries are being flipped :-)
since he'd pretty much did the same thing -- either "he" or "done"
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Good morning - Susan. Thanks again - corrections made. I worked on this late last night and expected you really take me to task this morning. Lol, It's been less than twenty-four hours since it began (it seems like an eternity), and Ethan will make a connection with Bert soon. Unfortunately, he'll be torn in so many directions. Thanks again for helping me and reviewing. Smiles, Carol
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It's a pleasure to review good writing. I probably haven't kept good track of time, but thought it was still before noon.
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Because of the storyline - I do need to figure out how I will stretch out the time in the future - unless I change the ending.
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You'll figure it out. It's hard to foresee all eventualities when you are just heading out of the gate and there is always something that has to be adjusted later to conform to events yet to happen. Did my sentence make sense?
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Yes, ma'am! ((Hugs))
Comment from dmt1967
Ethan checked his phone. No call from Tyson yet either. He would try again after they finished eating. They both finished (eating) in silence, worrying about their friends. (their meal) You have already used 'eating.' Over use of a word makes a story sound sluggish, in my opinion.
Also, after reading your last chapter, which ended with Ethan meeting Beth's friend, I got a bit confused when this chapter started with Tyson meeting his friend. I would suggest making a link between the last chapter and this one. Maybe end the last chapter... Tyson rubbed his achy jaw as he stepped into the.... He spotted Jesse at a table and stormed up to him...
Another great chapter and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Ethan checked his phone. No call from Tyson yet either. He would try again after they finished eating. They both finished (eating) in silence, worrying about their friends. (their meal) You have already used 'eating.' Over use of a word makes a story sound sluggish, in my opinion.
Also, after reading your last chapter, which ended with Ethan meeting Beth's friend, I got a bit confused when this chapter started with Tyson meeting his friend. I would suggest making a link between the last chapter and this one. Maybe end the last chapter... Tyson rubbed his achy jaw as he stepped into the.... He spotted Jesse at a table and stormed up to him...
Another great chapter and thank you for sharing. Stay safe.
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Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thanks for catching that second "eating" - changed it pronto fast! Appreciate your suggestions and for sticking with me. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh dear! That slimeball is going to do something to Ty now! My goodness, how on earth did Ty get mixed up with a creep like Jesse? I'm so pleased Rachell is going to try and help her friend now. Once Ethan has spoken to Bert and Gigi things will change, a bit, anyway. There are some nasty people in this story, and it's up to those four to get the truth out. Well done, Carol! Another wonderful part! :)) Sandra xx
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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Oh dear! That slimeball is going to do something to Ty now! My goodness, how on earth did Ty get mixed up with a creep like Jesse? I'm so pleased Rachell is going to try and help her friend now. Once Ethan has spoken to Bert and Gigi things will change, a bit, anyway. There are some nasty people in this story, and it's up to those four to get the truth out. Well done, Carol! Another wonderful part! :)) Sandra xx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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I guess I need to move forward and get these guys taken care of so we can bring happiness into the story. It's what the real world looks like thought unfortunately. Everyone is out for themselves and things are sad and ugly. Have a great day! Carol
