On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "On the Edge of Deception - Pg 10"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
15 total reviews
Comment from karenina
The foreshadowing is making my muscles tense. This Jesse is a whole other level of evil. The things some people will do to cover their misdeeds! Seems like he's a psychopath... Well beyond making one horrible decision, he appears to be confident and ready to "eliminate" the "problem." Oh my dear... You've woven a tangled web! --Karenina
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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The foreshadowing is making my muscles tense. This Jesse is a whole other level of evil. The things some people will do to cover their misdeeds! Seems like he's a psychopath... Well beyond making one horrible decision, he appears to be confident and ready to "eliminate" the "problem." Oh my dear... You've woven a tangled web! --Karenina
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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I'm horrible I know ... but it has gotten so many people to read. LOL Funny how sad and evilness can draw someone's attention... to bad in real life, they don't do more about it. Smiles, Carol
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MY favorite genre is psychological crime novels. I am fascinated with the human psyche. What makes people tick. I think for many that becomes the attraction!--Karenina
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I'm too crazy... I might get caught in my own thoughts if I went in that direction. LOL
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I'm already crazy --- so I can't get caught up in psychology or I might expose myself LOL
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Oh that is funny! You are "crazy" talented!--Karenina
Comment from lancellot
Another well written, I'm going to call them chapters. The extra sad part is that there are many people like this. I won't call them dumb, let's say normal, and they close there eyes to those things they aren't strong enough to face.
Good job, on to the next.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Another well written, I'm going to call them chapters. The extra sad part is that there are many people like this. I won't call them dumb, let's say normal, and they close there eyes to those things they aren't strong enough to face.
Good job, on to the next.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much - Yes, when I started I thought it was going to be a short two or three page thing and somehow the story got a life and grew. Robyn says I can combine it in a book still which I shall check on. Appreciate your review. Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Now you've got me hoping that there is going a be a lesson learned here for the rapist. Of course, I'm one of those eye for an eye types who like to see everyone get what they have coming. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Now you've got me hoping that there is going a be a lesson learned here for the rapist. Of course, I'm one of those eye for an eye types who like to see everyone get what they have coming. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Me too! Read on and let me know what you think...Smiles! I appreciate you stopping by and leaving me your kind words. Smiles as always - Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
No resolution yet. If Ethan calls the caseworkers the next day he can tell them about the welts and bruises and possibly they will communicate with the PD and sort the lies from the truth.
Ralf
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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No resolution yet. If Ethan calls the caseworkers the next day he can tell them about the welts and bruises and possibly they will communicate with the PD and sort the lies from the truth.
Ralf
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Hi Ralf - Now you know I can't make it that easy - lol. The action and confusion are just beginning. Thanks for following and especially for enjoying. Smiles - Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Okay - I do not like the way you're leaving this. Uh uh! I know Jesse would not hurt the only last remaining friend he has in this world -- RIGHT?? R - I - G - H - T ??????
You do have a tendency to leave folks guessing, don't you? ugh. But these cliff hangers leave us wanting more and leave us HONGRY for the next bit. hahaha
Which, btw, reminds me to bring up a point I've been meaning to forever and just keep forgetting(!). I am wondering why you haven't created this as a book so all your readers can find the chapters easier, to ensure we don't miss anything. When I come to this, before I start reading, I generally go back a chap to check before I read the current post. But I have to go back through your portfolio - which is a bit of a pain. (I'm a big girl, though - not a huge deal.)
If it were in book form, anyone who picked it up, could immediately start at the beginning if they chose to and read straight through, you know?
If you are concerned about the rankings, you can choose to allow each chapter to 'stand alone' rather than be a 'book chapter', if that makes sense?
You can still make a book if you're interested and add all these chaps to it. If you have qs, holler.
Other:
1.) "First, one's on the house."
--> no comma
2.) Jesse exchanged the empty bottle for a fresh one.
--> you already said this - in the 'Thanks to you!' paragraph (if this is the same beer)
3.) Tyson, without even thinking, chugged down another beer.
--> Tyson, without even thinking, chugged down the second beer.
(or the third or whatever. Help us all stay on track, maybe)
4.) Tyson's anger flared(.) "Eth thinks you raped her!"
--> and there's some strange blood on the bed so I can see why he might think that!!
5.) He raised his glass in the air(.) "I salute you, my friend
6.) There (were) a couple of caseworkers from the Child Services place.
7.) She didn't want to tell anyone. I tried to tell her, but she was so afraid.
--> 'tell' x2
--> Rachel 'tried to tell her' -- WHAT?
8.) I'm pretty sure it was Bert and Gigi; she was the new girl."
--> well, they're not 'girls', right? how about - something like-
--> I'm pretty sure it was Bert and Gigi . . . and one of them was new."
9.) I'll call their office tomorrow and
--> TOMORROW???!!! What time is it? Is it getting late in the day or what? I am not keeping up with time well here - can you help with that? Maybe give some references? But this makes it seems like it's not much of a priority to these guys. I mean, seems like when they first talked on the phone Rachel might have mentioned, oh, yeah, I left her some clothes in the park - we should go by and see if she got them yet, on the off-chance we catch her. Improbable, but worth a shot.
Then, if there's a place in the park they like to hang out, she could be wanting to check it out again every little bit, you know? Seems like Ethan would be wanting to do stuff like that, too. Not just sit back and wait. That doesn't seem to jive. (But.... that's ME - and like I said, you've been doing a super job, so it is fine to ignore me.) Even though I am getting stressed to the max about this character that is not real. She is NOT REAL, robyn, CHILL!!!
hahaha
Good job and still worth a five. Thanks!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Carol,
Okay - I do not like the way you're leaving this. Uh uh! I know Jesse would not hurt the only last remaining friend he has in this world -- RIGHT?? R - I - G - H - T ??????
You do have a tendency to leave folks guessing, don't you? ugh. But these cliff hangers leave us wanting more and leave us HONGRY for the next bit. hahaha
Which, btw, reminds me to bring up a point I've been meaning to forever and just keep forgetting(!). I am wondering why you haven't created this as a book so all your readers can find the chapters easier, to ensure we don't miss anything. When I come to this, before I start reading, I generally go back a chap to check before I read the current post. But I have to go back through your portfolio - which is a bit of a pain. (I'm a big girl, though - not a huge deal.)
If it were in book form, anyone who picked it up, could immediately start at the beginning if they chose to and read straight through, you know?
If you are concerned about the rankings, you can choose to allow each chapter to 'stand alone' rather than be a 'book chapter', if that makes sense?
You can still make a book if you're interested and add all these chaps to it. If you have qs, holler.
Other:
1.) "First, one's on the house."
--> no comma
2.) Jesse exchanged the empty bottle for a fresh one.
--> you already said this - in the 'Thanks to you!' paragraph (if this is the same beer)
3.) Tyson, without even thinking, chugged down another beer.
--> Tyson, without even thinking, chugged down the second beer.
(or the third or whatever. Help us all stay on track, maybe)
4.) Tyson's anger flared(.) "Eth thinks you raped her!"
--> and there's some strange blood on the bed so I can see why he might think that!!
5.) He raised his glass in the air(.) "I salute you, my friend
6.) There (were) a couple of caseworkers from the Child Services place.
7.) She didn't want to tell anyone. I tried to tell her, but she was so afraid.
--> 'tell' x2
--> Rachel 'tried to tell her' -- WHAT?
8.) I'm pretty sure it was Bert and Gigi; she was the new girl."
--> well, they're not 'girls', right? how about - something like-
--> I'm pretty sure it was Bert and Gigi . . . and one of them was new."
9.) I'll call their office tomorrow and
--> TOMORROW???!!! What time is it? Is it getting late in the day or what? I am not keeping up with time well here - can you help with that? Maybe give some references? But this makes it seems like it's not much of a priority to these guys. I mean, seems like when they first talked on the phone Rachel might have mentioned, oh, yeah, I left her some clothes in the park - we should go by and see if she got them yet, on the off-chance we catch her. Improbable, but worth a shot.
Then, if there's a place in the park they like to hang out, she could be wanting to check it out again every little bit, you know? Seems like Ethan would be wanting to do stuff like that, too. Not just sit back and wait. That doesn't seem to jive. (But.... that's ME - and like I said, you've been doing a super job, so it is fine to ignore me.) Even though I am getting stressed to the max about this character that is not real. She is NOT REAL, robyn, CHILL!!!
hahaha
Good job and still worth a five. Thanks!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Thank you, my awesome friend. I believe I've corrected most of it and am working on how to change the Rachel-Ethan part.
He went to his college class (11-1) after the press conference (9-10), so I figure it would be at least afternoon. Rachel had school and then called him because she was going to the library (4-5).
At that point, most places would be closed - thus, I said tomorrow.
Rachel didn't say much on the phone because they were meeting up to talk. Probably that's where I'd have to mention the park. What do you think?
I didn't know I could list them as a book and still say stand-alone because, yes, I would like to keep my ranking. But to be honest, this actually started out to be a 2 or 3 page, and it's turned into a life of its own and keeps growing. LOL
I can't thank you enough for being so kind to me and helping me with this without making me feel stupid. The brain doesn't function as well as it once did - no longer am I on top of my English and writing.
Once again, thank - thank you - thank you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
I like the connection between Rachel and Ethan. I hope that Ethan can get in touch with Bert and Gigi long before Jesse does anything. I'm guessing Jesse is interested in the reward money for turning in Beth. Give me a warning if it's PG-13! Lol.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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I like the connection between Rachel and Ethan. I hope that Ethan can get in touch with Bert and Gigi long before Jesse does anything. I'm guessing Jesse is interested in the reward money for turning in Beth. Give me a warning if it's PG-13! Lol.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Thanks Helen - In the next chapter both Ty and Jesse take a wrong turn and their lives will be changed forever. It's NOT gory or bloody but a gun is fired. That's so I save you from any harm. LOL Thanks so much. Have a great day!
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Thank you, Carol! I'm grateful for your care of my sensitivities! 💖💖😊
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping--more brutality to come, I fear, given the ominous closer. Please make this take a turn for the better ASAP--it is a testament to your talent that I feel for poor Beth and those trying to help her.
"There [was=>WERE] a couple of caseworkers (unless you intend Rachel to misspeak; she doesn't otherwise.)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Gripping--more brutality to come, I fear, given the ominous closer. Please make this take a turn for the better ASAP--it is a testament to your talent that I feel for poor Beth and those trying to help her.
"There [was=>WERE] a couple of caseworkers (unless you intend Rachel to misspeak; she doesn't otherwise.)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
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Ethan will go in search of Bert and Beth soon - but so much more will rock his life as well. Thank you for continuing to follow. Smiles to you - Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
Oh, Carol, there you go again, adding more intrigue! I'm glad that Ethan is a good guy. Sounds like Tye might be too, but not too bright. I'm glad Rachel remembered the names of the social workers. Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Oh, Carol, there you go again, adding more intrigue! I'm glad that Ethan is a good guy. Sounds like Tye might be too, but not too bright. I'm glad Rachel remembered the names of the social workers. Well done!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Me too! Yes, unfortunately, Ty isn't too bright with the real world. He's all about basketball. thanks for reading and reviewing. You're the best! Smiles!
Comment from Bluesatinbutterfly
As ever, a well written tale, with great dialogue and flow. I like the cliff hanger moment at the end and I am looking forward to the next instalment, thank you.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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As ever, a well written tale, with great dialogue and flow. I like the cliff hanger moment at the end and I am looking forward to the next instalment, thank you.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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thanks - I've gotten a lot of flack from this story and at the same time people love it. I feel like a ping pong ball. Smiles - Carol
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Poor you, that can't be easy. You can't please all of the people all of the time, so f-f-forget 'em :)
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i need a lesson or two from you, my friend LOL
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It is true, I don't seem to care what people think, they do not walk in my shoes!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So Tyson's going to fall victim to Jesse too. I am happy that Ethan is going be able to get in touch with Bert and Gigi and maybe Beth will get some help, if they can find her.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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So Tyson's going to fall victim to Jesse too. I am happy that Ethan is going be able to get in touch with Bert and Gigi and maybe Beth will get some help, if they can find her.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Yes, the plot shall thicken. I too want Beth to be safe, but trouble is so close to nipping at her heels. thanks so much for reading three chapters at once. I really appreciate it. Smiles to you! Carol
