A Sad Easter
Tears flowed after the sad event.4 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Borosky
I enjoyed it. Sadly, I don't quite get the dread from the little girl that I was expecting from story description. I did get a good chuckle from it though!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
   |
I enjoyed it. Sadly, I don't quite get the dread from the little girl that I was expecting from story description. I did get a good chuckle from it though!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
-
I will look it over and see if I can insert more dread. It is hard to write a vivid description when one is limited to 70 words. I looked it over and added screamed violently.
Comment from Laurie Holding
Yikes! I think you've got a great concept here, and I know I'd give you more stars if you fixed some punctuation issues. Maybe: "Kids! Come look! The Easter Bunny is here!" (When someone 'calls', it's usually with some amount of excitement. If she whispered it, you'd be okay with no exclamation points, but you still need something after the word 'look'.) Also, if you're using the word 'screamed', maybe think about using an exclamation point. Either that, or maybe Sally 'deadpanned' instead of screamed? Good job on this, and apologies for being the punctuation nerd.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
|
Yikes! I think you've got a great concept here, and I know I'd give you more stars if you fixed some punctuation issues. Maybe: "Kids! Come look! The Easter Bunny is here!" (When someone 'calls', it's usually with some amount of excitement. If she whispered it, you'd be okay with no exclamation points, but you still need something after the word 'look'.) Also, if you're using the word 'screamed', maybe think about using an exclamation point. Either that, or maybe Sally 'deadpanned' instead of screamed? Good job on this, and apologies for being the punctuation nerd.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
-
I will correct the punctuation. Thanks for the tips.
Comment from eliz100
How traumatic for the kids. You managed to tell a complete story in a few words. The picture is adorable. Once more mom and dad are not on the same page. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
|
How traumatic for the kids. You managed to tell a complete story in a few words. The picture is adorable. Once more mom and dad are not on the same page. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
-
Thank you for the read and review. Much appreciated.
Comment from Badger_29
I gave you six because not only did I find a shocking but in spite of the fact that you put a violence morning on it I really didn't see that coming. As for flash fiction this that the criteria well was World War II is very short and simple and ends with a blast! A pleasure and an honor to ride with you here, sincerely, and Blessings, Brother Badger Cull Aka Darren
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
 |
I gave you six because not only did I find a shocking but in spite of the fact that you put a violence morning on it I really didn't see that coming. As for flash fiction this that the criteria well was World War II is very short and simple and ends with a blast! A pleasure and an honor to ride with you here, sincerely, and Blessings, Brother Badger Cull Aka Darren
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
-
Thank you for your read, review and feedback. And again for the six stars.
