The Lucky Penny
Life's Choices Contest Entry4 total reviews
Comment from MAMONIA
Congratulations! This was definitely a hit. I had to smile throughout and kept my fingers crossed--lots of action in this fine piece which came together expertly.
It is truly a deserving win. You aced it!!
Lots of luck always,
Marie
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2021
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Congratulations! This was definitely a hit. I had to smile throughout and kept my fingers crossed--lots of action in this fine piece which came together expertly.
It is truly a deserving win. You aced it!!
Lots of luck always,
Marie
Comment Written 02-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review and congrats, Marie. Yeah, I love to pack action in the stories I come up with. Plus, love making them way over the top. Lol. I really appreciate the generous stars and kind words, M. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. I hope you have yourself a happy Easter.
=]
Ron
Comment from Sharon Davis
An exaggerated example of how one choice can have an impact on so many unanticipated events. The theme is well advanced by the severity of the chain of consequences that flow from a simple choice, picking up a penny from the ground. Enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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An exaggerated example of how one choice can have an impact on so many unanticipated events. The theme is well advanced by the severity of the chain of consequences that flow from a simple choice, picking up a penny from the ground. Enjoyable read.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Sharon. I really appreciate the gracious stars. I'm glad you liked my silly story. I hope you have a great Easter.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
hahahaha This was quite an afternoon, huh? What I especially loved about this story was the fact that you knew you should write - it's not true at the bottom. People will seriously ask. ahahahaha
Notes, if I may:
1.) I normally wouldn't (have) bothered because a penny is practically worthless,
2.) I watched his expertise skills as just before the Corvette ran him over, he leapt off the ground and onto the car's hood and used the windshield as a ramp.
--> just use 'expertise' and not both that AND 'skills'
--> I also recommend the following edit for clarity:
I watched his expertise as, just before the Corvette ran him over, he leapt off the ground and onto the car's hood, using the windshield as a ramp.
3.) then slipped on a discarded face mask thrown on the sidewalk.
--> I had to read this several times - I thought you meant he slipped it ON.
--> maybe say his foot slipped?
4.) The massive tires blasted into pallets of bottled water at the front of the store,
--> if they crashed onto the roof how could they also crash into the front of the store?
5.) I was behind a pillar at the front of the store that protected me from all the water
--> if you were behind the pillar you could never have been in the skateboarder's way.
All in all, a very entertaining story. Thanks!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
hahahaha This was quite an afternoon, huh? What I especially loved about this story was the fact that you knew you should write - it's not true at the bottom. People will seriously ask. ahahahaha
Notes, if I may:
1.) I normally wouldn't (have) bothered because a penny is practically worthless,
2.) I watched his expertise skills as just before the Corvette ran him over, he leapt off the ground and onto the car's hood and used the windshield as a ramp.
--> just use 'expertise' and not both that AND 'skills'
--> I also recommend the following edit for clarity:
I watched his expertise as, just before the Corvette ran him over, he leapt off the ground and onto the car's hood, using the windshield as a ramp.
3.) then slipped on a discarded face mask thrown on the sidewalk.
--> I had to read this several times - I thought you meant he slipped it ON.
--> maybe say his foot slipped?
4.) The massive tires blasted into pallets of bottled water at the front of the store,
--> if they crashed onto the roof how could they also crash into the front of the store?
5.) I was behind a pillar at the front of the store that protected me from all the water
--> if you were behind the pillar you could never have been in the skateboarder's way.
All in all, a very entertaining story. Thanks!
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review, Robyn. I went through and fixed a lot of it, to make it clearer. The tires actually went through the roof onto the water. Two truck tires and rims weigh probably a good thousand pounds. I fixed that as well. Plus, I had him step off of the sidewalk, just before the cop stuff, so he'd be in front of the pillar. I doubt many folks will catch that but I did have that figured in, so he'd be protected from all the water damage. That's how our dollar store is. It has a huge pillar in front of it. Adding that one line is the only way I could figure out how to get him off the sidewalk and in front of the pillar. But again, I doubt many will catch it. It doesn't matter though. I was just writing it for some laughs. Lol. I really appreciate the generous stars and help, Robyn. Thank you again.
=]
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Happy if I can help!
Comment from Wendy G
Very imaginative story, and very creative. Like something in a movie for kids! You have written it well. Maybe the penny will bring you success in the contest!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Very imaginative story, and very creative. Like something in a movie for kids! You have written it well. Maybe the penny will bring you success in the contest!
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Lol. Fingers crossed. Thank you for the fantastic review, Wendy. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Have yourself a wonderful day.